So how many of these friends actively (or even passively) encouraged or provided emotional or material support for her affair?
Also, rugsweep much?
I'll make this my last post in this thread. Thanks everyone who shared. It was helpful. I get the harsh reactions and obviously have experienced those feelings/thoughts myself.
The nature of our reconciliation is that it is a work in progress and that is clear. Concrete steps have been taken, and I expect will continue to be taken. She knows she has a lot of work left to do, over years. This is all established.
Regarding your comment above, I do think that some of her friends were passively supporting her, even though they privately condemned her behavior. Some did directly to her.
Re: "swept under the rug" I disagre -- what I'm sharing is that the opposite is happening. More details have come out, painful conversations continuing to happen. I've wanted to know if these transgressions can be forgiven. Obviously I'm still working on that.
Some of you seem to be reacting too emotionally. I don't need to make these decisions based on wounded pride, but rather on what's possible for the future and the changes/reforms that I see her making.
Yes, I've spoken about some awful/degrading **** I experienced over 7 months. There's a lot of really wonderful experiences we've had in 13 years, also, that I haven't shared about. There's a big upside here that none of you (apart from 1-2) seem to acknowledge. Awful things can be forgiven under certain circumstances.
13 years isn't necessarily wiped away by a ****ty stretch of time. I want to continue to see what happens. Eyes wide open. If the reforms don't continue or there's another episode of cheating, I can always move on. I wasn't desperate/depressed when it all happened and I wouldn't be if it happened again.
It doesn't make sense to back out immediately after more truth comes out. I asked for the truth from her and I can deal with it. I already knew she was behaving badly during those months, as she has acknowledged many times over the last year. Getting more detail about exactly how ****ty she was acting isn't necessarily a deciding factor. It matters, sure.
Re: "Plan B"... As i've said, she broke up with OM, and was working for months get a second chance with me. Maybe four months. So if that has to happen again, it will.