Re: Getting Over An Affair
No one can make the decision for you to R or even give you advice that will be 100% guaranteed, life does not come with guarantees. However, based on your W's behavior there can be suppositions and expectations derived. It really will fall to her as to whether or not the R is successful based on the amount of dedication she has for the marriage. She has dealt the marriage a death blow and its recovery will be dependent upon how willing she is to sacrifice of herself to help you, and it, heal. This is a very arduous endeavor she is undertaking and she most probably does not fully understand how difficult it will be.
True R is very rare due to many factors, not the least of which is the WS's propensity to selfishness. It is practically impossible for someone to exhibit that level of self absorption and then display the empathy and giving required to heal a spouse/marriage. Absent an almost complete selflessness, the brunt of the R effort then falls to the BS and ends up being a R in name only, lacking the real substance necessary for the marriage to heal. Only you can determine whether or not your W is displaying this level of contrition and self sacrifice but I can assure you that if she is not, then your R will be a farce and you may well find yourself in this place again having never fully healed from the last occurrence.
She is really the key to this and it is her actions that you must closely monitor for signs of true, heartfelt remorse and an overwhelming desire to rebuild that which she has destroyed. This includes unwavering diligence in her efforts and I must say that the prophylactic incident does not show relentless desire to see that you are not hurt further by her actions or the residue of same but rather seems to indicate a more nonchalant attitude. Careful observance on your part is warranted.
Also, you must remember that therapy can augment a persons change but the person must have more than just a casual desire to be different. It must be something they want and see the need to accomplish more than anything or the therapy will be mostly ineffectual.
Peace and long life