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post #16 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 09:10 PM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

tell her if she walks out that door you are filing for divorce. And follow through if she does.

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post #17 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 09:12 PM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

She will also say "there was nothing physical".

And you'll be strung along in limbo land until she finally gets her exit strategy lined up.

You are better off in every scenario filing for divorce NOW.

You don't want to. You're emotionally wrecked to your core.
But I'm telling you what to do. File for divorce. There is nothing to lose and everything to gain.
You cannot nice them back, reason them back, or guilt them back.
File tomorrow.

Btw, yes, there's another man.
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post #18 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 09:15 PM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

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Originally Posted by Wiz199 View Post
She wants to move out and us "date" each other to see if it will help rekindle the spark in our relationship. I don't know how to take this. She says it will help our marriage...
Oh, so that's what she says? Tell her both of you get into MC NOW or all bets are off the table. Living on her own means she can live as a single woman and do what she darned well wants to do - with whomever!

Don't know how to take this? Be outraged and tell her if she moves out, she's not coming back. I would suggest you ask the mods to move this thread to the "Coping With Infidelity" forum. Seriously.

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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post #19 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 09:21 PM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

Read Married Man Sex Life Primer and No More Mr. Nice Guy. Not to necessarily save your marriage, but to help you become a better man for yourself. Eat healthy, workout. You aren't perfect, but you probably have had her up on a pedestal for a long time.. Unless you have been cheating on her, it ain't all your fault. Each person in a marriage has to be committed, if she has decided she wants out, not much you can do to change it.

She needs to see a confident you.
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post #20 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 09:40 PM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

No, this is not a good idea if you want to save your marriage. But a woman will fall out of love with her husband if he's been neglecting her. What are her complaints about the marriage?
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post #21 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 09:40 PM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

Does not sound good. If she wanted to rekindle the spark she could do it at home. Whenever my wife and I feel like the spark is going away, we set up two date nights a week and sure enough, in a few weeks we are back in the saddle again. Moving out probably means she wants to date other men, if she has not already done so, and compare you to them to see if she wants you or them. If I were you, I would remind her that you will take it to mean that you can date other women and then do so. From what you said, it should not be hard to find someone who likes you more than your wife loves you.

P.S. - I did the same thing your wife wants to do when I had a girlfriend that I was falling in love with. Gave me the ability to see my wife and girlfriend in the same week without guilt. I started to push my wife away. I was young and stupid. I came to my senses and went back to my wife with a parting gift of an STD from my girlfriend. That would have ended it anyway.

PPS. - I never knew a couple that got back together after alone time. Alone does not help you to get closer to your spouse. It gives you freedom to see your boyfriend. It is basically a halfway house to a divorce. You are her safety net in case things do not work out.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 03-10-2017 at 10:01 PM.
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post #22 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 10:07 PM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

She wants to live alone because it would be awkward when another guy shows up, and you're there. Trust us, that's most likely what it is. There's 1% chance that she could mean what she says, but most likely...she'll be dating others AND you. Don't be someone's option when you make them a priority.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #23 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 10:29 PM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

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She wants to live alone because it would be awkward when another guy shows up, and you're there. Trust us, that's most likely what it is. There's 1% chance that she could mean what she says, but most likely...she'll be dating others AND you. Don't be someone's option when you make them a priority.
I disagree with one thing, deidre. When she leaves, she won't include her husband in the "dating".... he will be slowly whittled out of her life, as I'm sure you know. But she will keep the security and money flowing from her husband as long as possible.

She's a liar. She wants time away from her husband to be with other men, like you said. ALONE???
Who wants to be AONE???
No, she meant she wants time alone with heir other man/men.

OP needs to provide walking papers.
Let's be realistic, OP. Your wife only wants to separate so not only can she be with other men, but hasn't mentioned divorce because she wants you to pay for it--- and provide babysitting services free of charge while she bangs these other dudes.

This "time alone" thing is such a lie.
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post #24 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 10:39 PM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

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Originally Posted by rockon View Post
First find out who her boyfriend is.

Sorry, but this is usually the case when a spouse needs "space".


That's exactly what it means......RED FLAG.

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post #25 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 11:25 PM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

REALLY look into the phone records, emails, FB, etc. if you can get access. This should help with figuring out if there is a OM in the picture. The idea that moving AWAY from each other will bring you closer is honestly a bit absurd.

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post #26 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 12:21 AM
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Cool Re: Wife says she need time alone.

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Originally Posted by Wiz199 View Post
My wife and I have been living together for 18 years and married for 14. She told me yesterday that she wants to live alone. She wants to move out and us "date" each other to see if it will help rekindle the spark in our relationship. I don't know how to take this. She says it will help our marriage, I say it will destroy it. HELP!!
The very same line was used on me a few years back and I just gullibly fell for it! Try reading my primary post at the link below!

Now that you have unceremoniously evolved into her new "Plan B," this well-orchestrated modus operandi of hers will tell you far more than you'll ever care to know!

And then some!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 03-10-2017 at 12:29 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #27 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 08:23 AM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

There is a slight chance she told you this just to test you and see how you react. If this is the case she may feel incapable/inadequate to keep you happy.

My intuition tells me that she is likely tangled up in an emotional affair and has become desperate for it to become a physical affair as well. I had this happen to some friends of mine, and just as she went through with the physical affair she was ready to move out and start a new life. She wanted to remain on good terms with her husband so that he would take care of their kids while she could rejuvenate herself with her new lover.

In case you are wondering how that story worked out. Her husband happened to be a good friends with the other man (which was how she hid the emotional affair for so long). The husband was aware that the other man was sleeping around with hundreds of women (why was he friends with this guy, I don't know), and he had to break this news to his wife that she was just another notch on his bedpost. They have struggled to reconcile. I do not know much about them anymore, other than their lives are an absolute mess. If I were the husband in that situation (just as the original poster of this thread), I would just move on. Whatever that is, it is not love!

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post #28 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 08:41 AM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica38 View Post
No, this is not a good idea if you want to save your marriage. But a woman will fall out of love with her husband if he's been neglecting her. What are her complaints about the marriage?
But the same thing can happen if he's doing opposite, putting her on a pedestal, orbiting her, following her around like a sad little puppy.
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post #29 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 08:45 AM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

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Originally Posted by FrazzledSadHusband View Post
Read Married Man Sex Life Primer and No More Mr. Nice Guy. Not to necessarily save your marriage, but to help you become a better man for yourself. Eat healthy, workout. You aren't perfect, but you probably have had her up on a pedestal for a long time.. Unless you have been cheating on her, it ain't all your fault. Each person in a marriage has to be committed, if she has decided she wants out, not much you can do to change it.

She needs to see a confident you.
Excellent resources, especially MMSLP. Improving yourself for YOU, either with her or with another woman once you divorce.

Of course, for it to work with her you would need to file for D, expose the affair etc. Others here who have been through it can help. From what I've read, that is the only chance your marriage has. Letting her go to "find herself" is letting her go to find someone else.
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post #30 of 63 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 10:09 AM
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Re: Wife says she need time alone.

OP

Have you noticed how a bunch of folks here that do not know each other from Adam, but who have personal experience in infidelity, have basically all told you the same thing in different words.

if you believe in percentages and odds, the overwhelming odds here are that your wife has already been cheating on you physically or is about to, and wants you not where you can interfere.

Now you can either quietly submit and drive yourself nuts wondering if she is banging another man an dating, OR you can take some action to make her believe that you are not rolling over here and playing the "pick me game".

How do you do that???
(1) see an attorney, and let her know you are doing it and that if you find out she is cheating you will hand her the divorce papers.
(2) tell her that before she comes back she will pass a polygraph proving that she did not use this separation to continue her affair.

When she goes ballistic at these statements, you will clearly have you answer.

The best choice of course would be to hand her the papers to sign before she moves out to save yourself some heartache.
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