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post #31 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 01:35 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

Ummmm.....

I feel weird answering this after the answers you have gotten. I would say on average this happens 1-2 times a week to me on FB. Not so much the part of them all sending pictures, but guys, usually younger than me, coming on hot and heavy over messenger.

Even though my profile CLEARLY, LOUDLY shows that I am HAPPILY MARRIED. At first, I reply to the "OMG you are so beautiful" dribble with something along the lines of "that's what my husband tells me every day." The men that were genuinely trying to be complimentary, when they realize I am married, apologize and I never hear from them again. For the rest of these asshats though, it doesn't deter them.

I also read these to my husband as they come across so he knows what I am getting. If they say something that particularly ruffles his feathers, he will step in and start talking to them, and tell them never to contact me again. (He usually says a lot of stuff to push their buttons). I always block these people anyway.

I would get really sick of dealing with this, and I finally found a way to drop down the amount of these I got. I change my profile picture from one that is a cute picture of me, to one that is of hubby and I, or both of us with our girls. I think that helps a ton. No ones as keen on wanting to flirt with a woman who's profile picture is of her and her husband in love. So I would tell her the next time it happens that you want her to change her picture to a picture of the two of you, or better yet, a wedding picture of the two of you!

What's the big difference between my sitatuion and your wife's? It sounds like she likes it, and uses it as fuel against you when she is sauced. This is where your big problem lies. She obviously likes this inappropriate attention, and that is going to have her end up a cheater, if she hasn't already become one.

The next time she sets down her phone, grab it before it relocks. Go into her security settings and add your fingerprint. Then you can access it at night when she falls asleep and see what is going on. Also, you could make a fake FB account, and send her a flirty message including a pic of a hot guy on FB messenger, while you are at work. Then see what kind of conversation she has with you.


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post #32 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 03:06 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
Ummmm.....

I feel weird answering this after the answers you have gotten. I would say on average this happens 1-2 times a week to me on FB. Not so much the part of them all sending pictures, but guys, usually younger than me, coming on hot and heavy over messenger.

Even though my profile CLEARLY, LOUDLY shows that I am HAPPILY MARRIED. At first, I reply to the "OMG you are so beautiful" dribble with something along the lines of "that's what my husband tells me every day." The men that were genuinely trying to be complimentary, when they realize I am married, apologize and I never hear from them again. For the rest of these asshats though, it doesn't deter them.

I also read these to my husband as they come across so he knows what I am getting. If they say something that particularly ruffles his feathers, he will step in and start talking to them, and tell them never to contact me again. (He usually says a lot of stuff to push their buttons). I always block these people anyway.

I would get really sick of dealing with this, and I finally found a way to drop down the amount of these I got. I change my profile picture from one that is a cute picture of me, to one that is of hubby and I, or both of us with our girls. I think that helps a ton. No ones as keen on wanting to flirt with a woman who's profile picture is of her and her husband in love. So I would tell her the next time it happens that you want her to change her picture to a picture of the two of you, or better yet, a wedding picture of the two of you!

What's the big difference between my sitatuion and your wife's? It sounds like she likes it, and uses it as fuel against you when she is sauced. This is where your big problem lies. She obviously likes this inappropriate attention, and that is going to have her end up a cheater, if she hasn't already become one.

The next time she sets down her phone, grab it before it relocks. Go into her security settings and add your fingerprint. Then you can access it at night when she falls asleep and see what is going on. Also, you could make a fake FB account, and send her a flirty message including a pic of a hot guy on FB messenger, while you are at work. Then see what kind of conversation she has with you.
good idea

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post #33 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 08:49 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

I don't get the appeal of an anorexic, 40-something tart. These guys must be really desperate. And, they must be encouraged.
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post #34 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 09:13 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
I don't get the appeal of an anorexic, 40-something tart. These guys must be really desperate. And, they must be encouraged.
Some people will take any thing if it's free

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #35 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 09:22 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

I like your ideas spicy. I work with women who actually have men tell them to come visit and other silly things unsolicited on Facebook. The reason I didn't relate what they experienced, I have had a few unsolicited messages myself, is the unsolicited shirtless pictures, the video nude conference and the lingerie reciprocation is all specific to a certain type of social media platform other than Facebook. Now, I know people who have hooked up through FB but, it is normally wanted and put out in that fashion.
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post #36 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 07:40 PM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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As for pushing for divorce, it could be but she is always saying she is wanting to keep it all togetherr, that could be to make me seem even more bad, I am not sure.
Yeah, my ex said the exact same thing. What it means is this: SHE'S WANTING TO KEEP IT ALL TOGETHER UNTIL SHE'S READY FOR IT TO END. I know this because this is exactly what happened to me. I used the pets to discourage her. "Oh well," I said. "We'll have to find some way to split up the dog and cat." At which point she would hug both and assure me she would never leave "her children." That ruse worked for four months. Until she was really ready. And she left "her children" behind without so much as a wink of her eye.

Trust me dude, she's going to come home one day and announce she's ready and will pull the rug straight out from under your unsuspecting keester. I urge you right now, don't let that happen. Be in control. As much as you don't want to do it, end it now. Otherwise she will. And soon. And you will wind up with a broken heart that will take a year or more to get over.
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post #37 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 11:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
I don't get the appeal of an anorexic, 40-something tart. These guys must be really desperate. And, they must be encouraged.
There are times I am looking at her and thinking the same, especially when she is really on one and telling how sooooo many men find her drop dead gorgeous and sexy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
It sounds like she likes it, and uses it as fuel against you when she is sauced. This is where your big problem lies. She obviously likes this inappropriate attention, and that is going to have her end up a cheater, if she hasn't already become one.

The next time she sets down her phone, grab it before it relocks. Go into her security settings and add your fingerprint. Then you can access it at night when she falls asleep and see what is going on. Also, you could make a fake FB account, and send her a flirty message including a pic of a hot guy on FB messenger, while you are at work. Then see what kind of conversation she has with you.
Yes, she does love to use it against me, and she loves attention, craves it, is incessant for it really. As for her phone, that has never left her hands before it is locked, and she never walks away from it, so its only going to happen if she drinks enough to pass out, there is potential!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
OP, your wife seems to be lacking self esteem and needs to find it elsewhere, of course blaming you for this. It's her choice to do this, but my advice would be to see if she'd be open to counseling, and if not...you have a different choice to make because it's at the very least disrespectful to you and the marriage, and at the worst...an affair waiting to happen.
Yes, there is not an instant of anything that goes on that is not 100% placed upon my head as the blame and reason. Counselling is never going to be it is purely just me that needs to change to meet her needs, as she often tells me.

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Originally Posted by blueberries View Post

Why do you put up with this apparent disrespect?

Now this may come off as judgmental but your wife sounds like she's spiraling outta control. Smoking and drinking way too much to be healthy. She has emotional issues and needs help.

You also need help. It says so much about you as a man that you'd let her say and do all these things in your face without consequence. She walks all over you. Don't take her abuse.
Why do I put up with this, well we/I are at the very end of that tether and it is very frayed at that and I am looking and planning a get out. But in answer is the way she makes me feel so guilty for everything, what she has done for me in the past, highlighting what I don't do that others would do, just generally make me look and feel bad, so so guilty and yes I have fallen for it many a time, and I recognise my weakness in doing so, I have just not had the mindfulness to do for me, but feel I must appease her, but the tide is changing, just last week when she was drunk telling me about her friend being twice the man I ever have been I invited her to go be with him, pointed at the door and said " and there's the door, off you go" before going to bed.

To everyone posting, I do appreciate your words, I am listening and thinking.
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post #38 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 12:06 PM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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Just asking you good people out there as I am more than puzzled by what my wife is telling me, and in total disbelief over the matter. We are in a struggling marriage currently which is a much longer story than what this is, but part of that is the use of social media and random people messaging.

I use social media little, barely have opened my facebook in over a year and have less than 10 family and friends on it, and I don't use any other media at all other than messaging apps, my choice and comfortable with it.
My wife uses a variety, I couldn't tell you them all as I have no idea what is on her phone, but she makes use of them and in general I have no concerns with that neither, what I do have thoughts over is how random people make contact, or at least how she is telling me it happens.

A number of times now she has told me how random guys have picture messaged her with shirtless photos and suggested how they should get together and how gorgeous she is from her profile picture, and it was suggested, perhaps me more gathering that this was over facebook, but I can't be sure. She tells me how she doesn't respond, but at other times, namely when drunk and angry, she tells me she has online friends she regularly talks to. The other thing to add here is that she is always taking and tweaking photos of herself, often in lingerie and in fact has them as her wallpaper on her phone which I have told her I find very odd, looking at yourself that way, but she says it is what makes her feel good about herself.

She has shown me pictures of younger fit guys that apparently have sent her photos, and she is telling me it is quite normal in this day and age, this is how people communicate, that it is common, and on top of that justifies it with things like saying they have good bodies and want to show them off, why shouldn't they?

Now I have asked around my friends and they have never come across it, so to the wider audience is it common, is it the way people communicate now and be so forward (in my opinion) but I also question what kind of sites is she on to be getting this kind of attention, I just can't believe it is Facebook. In fact the other night after she got drunk and we argued and she told me about some guy who is twice the man I am, and I invited her to go be with him then, and went to bed. I then heard her talking to some guy (I heard his voice on loudspeaker ) and I thought I heard her say that she had got naked to make the video call and why was he being so shy, but it was muffled and a short call and I didn't see or catch her in anyway by the time I got up.

So thoughts? Is it quite normal for guys to be sending random people their pictures, ladies do you get this at all? Personally I don't believe an ounce of it, but like to know more.
By the way she and I are in our 40's
I wonder why she has FB setup so that guys who she hasn't "friended" can message her with pictures at all. Unless you leave your FB account so wide open that everybody knows everything about you, "random guys" can't contact you other than request friend status - only after she accepts, would they be able to "send" things to her. So, it's not fully random- she has chosen to allow it.

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
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post #39 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 12:23 PM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

The thing too is about random attention from people of the opposite sex, they are telling many others the same lines. So, it's really sad when I read or hear about stories of attention starved women or men married or not, and they think that they have been singled out by some hot guy/woman on the internet ...and they feel elated and special. But, in reality, those random people are saying the same lines to a bunch of others, and you're just one of many. My mom told me of a friend of hers who ruined her whole marriage after she lost weight and started posting pics on an exercise website, because of all the male attention she was getting. She started talking to one guy, had an emotional affair, and her husband found out, and it ruined their marriage. She eventually learned that the OM was talking to several others at the same time! Ruined her whole marriage for some attention, from a guy online who was not ''into'' her at all, but just fed her a bunch of lines.

So, that's the sad reality of people who have low self esteem and are swept away by normal everyday social media stuff.

''Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time.'' - Unknown
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post #40 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-12-2017, 01:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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I wonder why she has FB setup so that guys who she hasn't "friended" can message her with pictures at all. Unless you leave your FB account so wide open that everybody knows everything about you, "random guys" can't contact you other than request friend status - only after she accepts, would they be able to "send" things to her. So, it's not fully random- she has chosen to allow it.

A good question, as far as I was aware, and for what she has always said her FB is bolted right down in terms of access to it, now I suspect that to not be the case, but I also am suspicious of the sites she might be on to get all this, as I am not so sure it is just FB.
I know she posts on FB as she has told me, and I am on her friends list but I don't get the posts, she has told me she doesn't post to me as I don't do anything on FB anyway, there is no point. The other thing is that when I have seen comments on there, and they are usually disparaging comments out there about me, usually when she is drunk along the lines of how much of a poor person and husband I am she has public comments back from people who I can not see on her friends list. I confess to not knowing much about FB but it does shout out that she has followers or something that are not friends but can see and comment on her posts, which beggars the question as to what else can be done?
It all screams of ill doing to me.

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post #41 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:52 PM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

Good for you Shinobi! Show her the door! Stand up for yourself and don't let anyone bully you into thinking you're any less or worthless. She's using emotional abuse tactics to break you down. She will have you so broken and alone to pick up the pieces of your self-esteem and soul...and hers as well!

Non-friends on FB can only see / comment if she allows it..by which I mean she allows the public to see/comment. You need to make a new FB account and visit her page. You will not be a friend so you will clearly see what she has allowed for the public to see. Why don't you use the same account and catfish her and see what she's up to! *snickers*
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post #42 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 05:01 PM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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A good question, as far as I was aware, and for what she has always said her FB is bolted right down in terms of access to it, now I suspect that to not be the case, but I also am suspicious of the sites she might be on to get all this, as I am not so sure it is just FB.
I know she posts on FB as she has told me, and I am on her friends list but I don't get the posts, she has told me she doesn't post to me as I don't do anything on FB anyway, there is no point. The other thing is that when I have seen comments on there, and they are usually disparaging comments out there about me, usually when she is drunk along the lines of how much of a poor person and husband I am she has public comments back from people who I can not see on her friends list. I confess to not knowing much about FB but it does shout out that she has followers or something that are not friends but can see and comment on her posts, which beggars the question as to what else can be done?
It all screams of ill doing to me.
Stop being a doormat and throw her cheating ass out.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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