I don't get the appeal of an anorexic, 40-something tart. These guys must be really desperate. And, they must be encouraged.
There are times I am looking at her and thinking the same, especially when she is really on one and telling how sooooo many men find her drop dead gorgeous and sexy
It sounds like she likes it, and uses it as fuel against you when she is sauced. This is where your big problem lies. She obviously likes this inappropriate attention, and that is going to have her end up a cheater, if she hasn't already become one.
The next time she sets down her phone, grab it before it relocks. Go into her security settings and add your fingerprint. Then you can access it at night when she falls asleep and see what is going on. Also, you could make a fake FB account, and send her a flirty message including a pic of a hot guy on FB messenger, while you are at work. Then see what kind of conversation she has with you.
Yes, she does love to use it against me, and she loves attention, craves it, is incessant for it really. As for her phone, that has never left her hands before it is locked, and she never walks away from it, so its only going to happen if she drinks enough to pass out, there is potential!!
OP, your wife seems to be lacking self esteem and needs to find it elsewhere, of course blaming you for this. It's her choice to do this, but my advice would be to see if she'd be open to counseling, and if not...you have a different choice to make because it's at the very least disrespectful to you and the marriage, and at the worst...an affair waiting to happen.
Yes, there is not an instant of anything that goes on that is not 100% placed upon my head as the blame and reason. Counselling is never going to be it is purely just me that needs to change to meet her needs, as she often tells me.
Why do you put up with this apparent disrespect?
Now this may come off as judgmental but your wife sounds like she's spiraling outta control. Smoking and drinking way too much to be healthy. She has emotional issues and needs help.
You also need help. It says so much about you as a man that you'd let her say and do all these things in your face without consequence. She walks all over you. Don't take her abuse.
Why do I put up with this, well we/I are at the very end of that tether and it is very frayed at that and I am looking and planning a get out. But in answer is the way she makes me feel so guilty for everything, what she has done for me in the past, highlighting what I don't do that others would do, just generally make me look and feel bad, so so guilty and yes I have fallen for it many a time, and I recognise my weakness in doing so, I have just not had the mindfulness to do for me, but feel I must appease her, but the tide is changing, just last week when she was drunk telling me about her friend being twice the man I ever have been I invited her to go be with him, pointed at the door and said " and there's the door, off you go" before going to bed.
To everyone posting, I do appreciate your words, I am listening and thinking.