Social Media Contact from Random People - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:12 AM Thread Starter
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Social Media Contact from Random People

Just asking you good people out there as I am more than puzzled by what my wife is telling me, and in total disbelief over the matter. We are in a struggling marriage currently which is a much longer story than what this is, but part of that is the use of social media and random people messaging.

I use social media little, barely have opened my facebook in over a year and have less than 10 family and friends on it, and I don't use any other media at all other than messaging apps, my choice and comfortable with it.
My wife uses a variety, I couldn't tell you them all as I have no idea what is on her phone, but she makes use of them and in general I have no concerns with that neither, what I do have thoughts over is how random people make contact, or at least how she is telling me it happens.

A number of times now she has told me how random guys have picture messaged her with shirtless photos and suggested how they should get together and how gorgeous she is from her profile picture, and it was suggested, perhaps me more gathering that this was over facebook, but I can't be sure. She tells me how she doesn't respond, but at other times, namely when drunk and angry, she tells me she has online friends she regularly talks to. The other thing to add here is that she is always taking and tweaking photos of herself, often in lingerie and in fact has them as her wallpaper on her phone which I have told her I find very odd, looking at yourself that way, but she says it is what makes her feel good about herself.

She has shown me pictures of younger fit guys that apparently have sent her photos, and she is telling me it is quite normal in this day and age, this is how people communicate, that it is common, and on top of that justifies it with things like saying they have good bodies and want to show them off, why shouldn't they?

Now I have asked around my friends and they have never come across it, so to the wider audience is it common, is it the way people communicate now and be so forward (in my opinion) but I also question what kind of sites is she on to be getting this kind of attention, I just can't believe it is Facebook. In fact the other night after she got drunk and we argued and she told me about some guy who is twice the man I am, and I invited her to go be with him then, and went to bed. I then heard her talking to some guy (I heard his voice on loudspeaker ) and I thought I heard her say that she had got naked to make the video call and why was he being so shy, but it was muffled and a short call and I didn't see or catch her in anyway by the time I got up.

So thoughts? Is it quite normal for guys to be sending random people their pictures, ladies do you get this at all? Personally I don't believe an ounce of it, but like to know more.
By the way she and I are in our 40's

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post #2 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:19 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

No, this isn't normal. And, it's disrespectful to the marriage & you. You should stop talking to her about it though, and get ahold of her phone when she's sleeping/away. Do some snooping & find out just how much she's sharing.

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post #3 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:25 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

she is basically blowing smoke up your butt....in a big way....she sounds sneaky
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post #4 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:31 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

She has you wrapped around her finger, @Shinobi. That she could tell you something this stupid and you would believe it gives me this mental picture; tell me if it's wrong. She is into fitness and looking good. As a result she has (superficial) confidence and gets much attention from the opposite sex. You aren't all that into fitness and maybe don't look as good (in your mind). So you think you scored "out of your league" with her. You don't get as much attention from the opposite sex as her. As a result you are willing to put up with this disrespect because you don't believe you can do better.

That's as far as I got. How accurate as I?

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #5 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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Originally Posted by EunuchMonk View Post
She has you wrapped around her finger, @Shinobi. That she could tell you something this stupid and you would believe it gives me this mental picture; tell me if it's wrong. She is into fitness and looking good. As a result she has (superficial) confidence and gets much attention from the opposite sex. You aren't all that into fitness and maybe don't look as good (in your mind). So you think you scored "out of your league" with her. You don't get as much attention from the opposite sex as her. As a result you are willing to put up with this disrespect because you don't believe you can do better.

That's as far as I got. How accurate as I?
Indeed, I do believe got me wrapped around her finger yes, I do doubt it though, it just seems too way off the mark for me. She is not into fitness, and in fact due to various things, depression included is quite thin, actually malnutritioned according to what the doctor has told her recently, as she doesn't eat much or regularly, smokes about 40 a day as well. She does tell me she gets a lot of attention from other men, I don't think she has every been to a supermarket without being told how gorgeous she is, at least that what she has told me, I have never seen it whilst out with her, obviously.

I go to the gym 3 times a week and have been doing now for 18 months, am of a big build with a little more weight to lose, but have a strong physique without having ripped abs and major definition, so I am the gym addict, and no I got no attention at least not to my knowledge other than friends commenting on the fact I have lost weight or have a noticeably more muscular build, but I am not seeking for it, nor greatly concerned of not having any.

No I am not willing to put up with the disrespect, hence the marital difficulties. I appreciate your comments and can entirely see where you are coming from.

Tropicalbeachiwish - looking through her phone is not something I have ever done and she has one of those Iphones with thumb scanner so I don't even see her typing a code in to copy and I have no idea on her pin number, and wouldn't entertain trying as it would block her phone and she would know, a good thought, thankyou.
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post #6 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:51 AM
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Sure it's normal for somebody who is looking for someone to have sex with, certainly not normal for a happily married spouse.

The thing that got me was your comment that you didn't want to catch her naked video messaging another guy. Very bad and weak approach, what's next, her bringing guys home?

Odds are she has already cheated and she is blanantly advertising it to you by showing you these hot guys she's playing around with. I think she is trying to force you into divorce, that way she can play the victim while you look like the bad guy for ending the marriage.
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post #7 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:51 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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Originally Posted by Shinobi View Post
Just asking you good people out there as I am more than puzzled by what my wife is telling me, and in total disbelief over the matter. We are in a struggling marriage currently which is a much longer story than what this is, but part of that is the use of social media and random people messaging.

I use social media little, barely have opened my facebook in over a year and have less than 10 family and friends on it, and I don't use any other media at all other than messaging apps, my choice and comfortable with it.
My wife uses a variety, I couldn't tell you them all as I have no idea what is on her phone, but she makes use of them and in general I have no concerns with that neither, what I do have thoughts over is how random people make contact, or at least how she is telling me it happens.

A number of times now she has told me how random guys have picture messaged her with shirtless photos and suggested how they should get together and how gorgeous she is from her profile picture, and it was suggested, perhaps me more gathering that this was over facebook, but I can't be sure. She tells me how she doesn't respond, but at other times, namely when drunk and angry, she tells me she has online friends she regularly talks to. The other thing to add here is that she is always taking and tweaking photos of herself, often in lingerie and in fact has them as her wallpaper on her phone which I have told her I find very odd, looking at yourself that way, but she says it is what makes her feel good about herself.

She has shown me pictures of younger fit guys that apparently have sent her photos, and she is telling me it is quite normal in this day and age, this is how people communicate, that it is common, and on top of that justifies it with things like saying they have good bodies and want to show them off, why shouldn't they?

Now I have asked around my friends and they have never come across it, so to the wider audience is it common, is it the way people communicate now and be so forward (in my opinion) but I also question what kind of sites is she on to be getting this kind of attention, I just can't believe it is Facebook. In fact the other night after she got drunk and we argued and she told me about some guy who is twice the man I am, and I invited her to go be with him then, and went to bed. I then heard her talking to some guy (I heard his voice on loudspeaker ) and I thought I heard her say that she had got naked to make the video call and why was he being so shy, but it was muffled and a short call and I didn't see or catch her in anyway by the time I got up.

So thoughts? Is it quite normal for guys to be sending random people their pictures, ladies do you get this at all? Personally I don't believe an ounce of it, but like to know more.
By the way she and I are in our 40's
I think once you should clearly talk with ur wife bcs she is not hiding from u rather she is telling you everything about all the things which she is doing so u should talk with her n make her realise that those people can't be trusted bcs not known directly to her so sharing such pics might be risky

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post #8 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:53 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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I think once you should clearly talk with ur wife bcs she is not hiding from u rather she is telling you everything about all the things which she is doing so u should talk with her n make her realise that those people can't be trusted bcs not known directly to her so sharing such pics might be risky

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N if they are known people then also it's not good to share such pics I feel there should be some limit

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post #9 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:54 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

Getting pictures, no. But I do have random people sending me messages and/or friend requests all the time. I delete them immediately, since I have no connection to these people at all. What you have described, however, is not the same thing. I agree that you should check her phone when she is sleeping. Something isn't right, that's for sure. (I, too, am on my 40s, btw. And what you describe is weird to me, too.)

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post #10 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:55 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

Yes, it is quite common and this is the way people communicate now - when you are single and dating, or married and cheating.

Tell her she can do this when she is single. If she continues, file for divorce and give her what she wants.

BTW, short of divorce filing, i don't think she will stop. She will just continue to say that what she is doing is normal and blame you.

Man up. Your wife is electronically dating guys in front of you, and rubs it in your face when she is drunk. Eventually she will hook up with one of more of them. We have warned you. What you do next is totally up to you.

And this happens a lot in the 40s. Call it a mid life crisis, or call it cheating. Outcome is the same.

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post #11 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:56 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

She's lying.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #12 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 10:00 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Getting pictures, no. But I do have random people sending me messages and/or friend requests all the time. I delete them immediately, since I have no connection to these people at all. What you have described, however, is not the same thing. I agree that you should check her phone when she is sleeping. Something isn't right, that's for sure. (I, too, am on my 40s, btw. And what you describe is weird to me, too.)

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I don't think it is weird at all. I too have gotten random young hot chicks to friend request me. Always from another country. Probably a scam for money.

But when guys do it, they want sex, not money.
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post #13 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 10:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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Sure it's normal for somebody who is looking for someone to have sex with, certainly not normal for a happily married spouse.

The thing that got me was your comment that you didn't want to catch her naked video messaging another guy. Very bad and weak approach, what's next, her bringing guys home?

Odds are she has already cheated and she is blanantly advertising it to you by showing you these hot guys she's playing around with. I think she is trying to force you into divorce, that way she can play the victim while you look like the bad guy for ending the marriage.
Cooper, thanks I did get up to go see what it was all about, but when I got into the sitting room she had her t-shirt and shorts on, I had listened out first to see exactly what was said, when it went quiet I then headed to the room, either she hadn't stripped off or had gotten dressed again, I can not be sure, she only had on a loose t-shirt and shorts.

She does blatantly put it to me when drunk and arguing, all sorts of things, especially about one friend I do know about, saying things like he is light as a feather when he lays on me, and saying how one picture was from a guy I work with, but like I pointed out there was no face on it and it could be from anywhere, so there are suspicions.

The only thing I would say is that we live quite isolated, 15 minute drive to the local shop even and she never goes out on a night, she doesn't work so is at home all day, but I have to say she uses very little petrol to be going anywhere and there is no public transport, so there is certainly nothing frequent if at all.

As for pushing for divorce, it could be but she is always saying she is wanting to keep it all together, that could be to make me seem even more bad, I am not sure.
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post #14 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 10:13 AM
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

Does she drink alot?

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post #15 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 10:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Social Media Contact from Random People

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Yes, it is quite common and this is the way people communicate now - when you are single and dating, or married and cheating.

Tell her she can do this when she is single. If she continues, file for divorce and give her what she wants.

BTW, short of divorce filing, i don't think she will stop. She will just continue to say that what she is doing is normal and blame you.

Man up. Your wife is electronically dating guys in front of you, and rubs it in your face when she is drunk. Eventually she will hook up with one of more of them. We have warned you. What you do next is totally up to you.

And this happens a lot in the 40s. Call it a mid life crisis, or call it cheating. Outcome is the same.
Blueinbr, I hear you and yes I am not seeing it stop, because yes she does blame me, and yes does very much think it is normal. I am totally warned yes, thankyou, and I am prepared to walk, or more to the point to show her the door.
I do appreciate the input.
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