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post #46 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 04:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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I am going to take this advice and run with it. Thank you so much!


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post #47 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 04:48 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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It is really hard to get her attention anymore.
This is EXACTLY why you need to do something drastic. That is the ONLY way you will get her attention. Being 'nice' isn't going to cut it.

If you are not willing to blow things up, then we really can't help you here. If you're not willing to take the bull by the horns and do something that tells her in NO uncertain terms this is important to you, why would she ever think it IS important to you??

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She's so consumed with her skincare "side business" that time doesn't even exist. We have a therapy session tonight. I'm trying to figure out how to say wtf?
Is there some reason that you can't just say exactly that? WHAT THE ****. Capitals and all. STOP being NICE and GET MAD here!! This is your marriage at stake - why are you willing to just meekly let it expire?????

You actually don't even belong in counseling, you know. With your attitude it's just a waste of time.

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This really sucks, all day long I think about what the heck can fix our situation and get back to being happy with one another. When she initiates a conversation, I drop what I'm doing to give her my full attention but when I start a convo she hardly listens. So preoccupied with anything other then me. As far as importance goes, kids, bills, side business, but whoops, I didn't make the list.
And this doesn't piss you off???

There's only so many ways we can say it, you know. If you just keep ignoring the advice, and keep listing off all the stuff you pine for and how freaking NICE you are to her, we're just gonna give up and ignore you. JUST like she does.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #48 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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Use therapy time tonight to talk about how you want to come up with a plan to schedule 20 hours/week of quality time with her, and brainstorm fun things you two can do together, as well as childcare logistics. Dr. Harley in His Needs, Her Needs says that it takes 20 hours of quality time a week to fall back in love with your spouse. In fact, he won't even counsel couples who say they can't make this time because no matter what else you do, it simply won't work if you two aren't getting enough fun time together to meet the most important intimate needs: conversation, recreational companionship, affection, and sex. I understand you can't get your wife on board yet with the last 2, but you might find that within weeks of spending fun time together like you did while you were dating, you two fall back in love and your wife will once again be interested in having sex with you.

* also want to add that now may not be the right time for a side business. Your wife has a full-time job and young twins and another child in school. No wonder she doesn't have any time left for you! I'd discuss this issue with your MC as well. You need to agree on adding any extra activities and it sounds like her plate is already completely full without adding a side business.
This isn't going to work. She's just going to tell you sure, that sounds good, and then keep on doing what she's been doing the whole time. And you'll let her, all the time wondering WHY????

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #49 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 05:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No need for physical contact?

I think chemical castration would just be easier to deal with. No more urges to bend her over the couch, watch her in the kitchen looking hot, and certainly wouldn't have to deal with pent up urges.
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post #50 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 05:03 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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Originally Posted by napsternova View Post
It is really hard to get her attention anymore. She's so consumed with her skincare "side business" that time doesn't even exist. We have a therapy session tonight. I'm trying to figure out how to say wtf? This really sucks, all day long I think about what the heck can fix our situation and get back to being happy with one another. When she initiates a conversation, I drop what I'm doing to give her my full attention but when I start a convo she hardly listens. So preoccupied with anything other then me. As far as importance goes, kids, bills, side business, but whoops, I didn't make the list.
Start going your own way. Mr Nice Guys get walked on
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post #51 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 05:05 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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I think chemical castration would just be easier to deal with. No more urges to bend her over the couch, watch her in the kitchen looking hot, and certainly wouldn't have to deal with pent up urges.
You've already castrated yourself, dude. STOP BEING SO BLOODY NICE and GET MAD here. If you standing up for yourself drives her away then WHY ON EARTH would you want to be with her anyway????????????????

Man, your attitude just pisses me off. Sorry to be so blunt but it does.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #52 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 05:07 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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You've already castrated yourself, dude. STOP BEING SO BLOODY NICE and GET MAD here. If you standing up for yourself drives her away then WHY ON EARTH would you want to be with her anyway????????????????

Man, your attitude just pisses me off. Sorry to be so blunt but it does.
You don't have to worry about pushing her away. She's already gone.

Maybe it's time to try a different approach
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post #53 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 05:35 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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She already got from you all she wanted the family, nice house, nice job. She's just bidding her time till she finds something better. The best that you can do now is dump her before that happens.
Would you say the same if it was the man that didn't want anything to do with the wife? Should she dump him first?
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post #54 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 06:15 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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You complain that there is no sexual intimacy between you and your wife. But there is no non-sexual intimacy either. And that does not seem to phase you. Most women need a good amount of non-sexual intimacy to desire sex. What is non-sexual intimacy? It's spending time together, just the two of you to doing things where you are focused on each other.. AKA quality time and dating.

It takes a minimum of 15 hours a week of quality time to keep the bond strong, and thus passion strong, in a marriage.

The connection/bond between the two of you is broken. There are two books that help you figure out how to rebuild it in your marriage.

"Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs"

Read them in that order, do the work that they say to do.

Then sit your wife down and tell her that you will not live in a marriage where there is no intimacy... that's both non-sexual and sexual intimacy. Ask her to read the books and do the work with you.
I'm guessing that his wife isn't the least bit interested in non-sexual intimacy or spending quality time with him.

But, I guess you've got to start somewhere and this should be tried first.

Once this doesn't work, I'd suggest putting the same effort into meeting her needs that she puts into meeting his.
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post #55 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 06:32 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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We have a therapy session tonight. I'm trying to figure out how to say wtf?
Stop with figuring out how to say WTF AND JUST SAY IT, Just like that! I think you need to stiffen the spine and just flat out confront her. Tell her the blame game stops. Next time she starts in on you, grab your keys and LEAVE. Her disrespect should NOT be tolerated..

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post #56 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 07:03 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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Stop with figuring out how to say WTF AND JUST SAY IT, Just like that! I think you need to stiffen the spine and just flat out confront her. Tell her the blame game stops. Next time she starts in on you, grab your keys and LEAVE. Her disrespect should NOT be tolerated..
Absolutely. Tell her this sh1t has to stop, in that language. If you never get angry (I bet you don't) it will be even more effective. Tell her how you feel. Get ANGRY. That's what men do - they get ANGRY. They don't turn into blubbering heaps of jelly. Anger is massively underrated. It's a POSITIVE and POWERFUL emotion if used properly. For me it makes me laser focused and I am unbeatable in an argument when I'm angry. My brain goes into overdrive and all my second thoughts and doubts disappear.

Unbelievably that's what saved my marriage. My wife actually said to me at one point "if you had slapped me across the face it might have snapped me out of it sooner". Not that I would ever be physically violent to her. Please note I am NOT suggesting you get physically violent. Just show her your anger. She might even be criticizing you and thinking you are a ***** because you are NOT getting angry!!!!! She's probably thinking you are some sort of limp ***** and not a real man like that guy she met out with her friends last week. Prove her wrong !!!!

And if she starts the whole "I think he's going to be physically abusive to me" you have your answer. In that case serve her with divorce papers. Why is it that when a wife acts like a ****ty person, the husband has to be extra nice to her? You never see the advice with the genders reversed. Know why? Because it's a load of BS. If you were a complete ******* to her all the time then this advice might be relevant, but it's irrelevant to you.

RESPECT. If someone loves you they RESPECT you. You are not being respected. Being extra nice to her will get you even less respect.
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post #57 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 07:14 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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I think chemical castration would just be easier to deal with. No more urges to bend her over the couch, watch her in the kitchen looking hot, and certainly wouldn't have to deal with pent up urges.
What is this crock of BS?!

Listen to yourself?! Do you understand how lame and weak you sound? OP, the issue is not your wife, it's you! Sheesh!
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post #58 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 01:39 AM Thread Starter
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Good thing I didn't do anything drastic cause I was needed. Well, needed my desires filled and told her what's up. Works like a charm. She must want me to dicktate when I need/want to.
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post #59 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 08:05 AM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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Would you say the same if it was the man that didn't want anything to do with the wife? Should she dump him first?
No because men don't cut off sex when they have everything in life they wanted.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #60 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 11:54 AM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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Good thing I didn't do anything drastic cause I was needed. Well, needed my desires filled and told her what's up. Works like a charm. She must want me to dicktate when I need/want to.
Care to expound upon this..?

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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