No need for physical contact? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 12:21 PM Thread Starter
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No need for physical contact?

My wife has made it clear that she doesn't need or want sex anymore. Not even physical touch, I don't understand it. I'm very giving and patient, soft, gentle, firm whatever...but she can't even tell me what feels good and she literally just lays there without a moan or word. We've been married 18 years and the last 4 have been awful in the bedroom. I'm feeling such a heavy depression because I feel like the ugliest guy in the world. We split up house work, both have good jobs, a house and wonderful children. I've told her so many times how I feel, even come right out and have said "I need you, today, maybe tonight after kids go to bed"? She always seems to dodge me. Everyone says affair but I really have no way of knowing. I don't know what the hell to do.

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post #2 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 12:47 PM
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Well, what does she say when you ask her what's going on?
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post #3 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:04 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

Was she into sex earlier in the marriage, or has she always been sort of "blah" about it?

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post #4 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:09 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

All women want to be wanted, but the more you actually want them, the less they want it with you.

So then, how does one make a woman want it? One thing is for sure, as a man you can NOT be needy. Start with that...

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post #5 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:17 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

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Originally Posted by napsternova View Post
My wife has made it clear that she doesn't need or want sex anymore. Not even physical touch, I don't understand it. I'm very giving and patient, soft, gentle, firm whatever...but she can't even tell me what feels good and she literally just lays there without a moan or word. We've been married 18 years and the last 4 have been awful in the bedroom. I'm feeling such a heavy depression because I feel like the ugliest guy in the world. We split up house work, both have good jobs, a house and wonderful children. I've told her so many times how I feel, even come right out and have said "I need you, today, maybe tonight after kids go to bed"? She always seems to dodge me. Everyone says affair but I really have no way of knowing. I don't know what the hell to do.
Wife's age?
How does your wife treat you in other way?
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post #6 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:27 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

If you really want to resolve this then find yourself a therapist and start going alone. Let her know when you are going. This won't take long to resolve if the problem is as simple as you describe.
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post #7 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:29 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

Standard Evidence Post
see the link above, standard methodology to catch a cheater.
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post #8 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:49 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

She already got from you all she wanted the family, nice house, nice job. She's just bidding her time till she finds something better. The best that you can do now is dump her before that happens.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #9 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:53 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

Attraction is important and it CAN change. What do you look like NOW? Even if nothing has changed (physically) maybe what she finds attractive has?
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post #10 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 08:29 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

Could there be a health issue? Menopause? Depression? Or could she resent you for something and instead of putting her big girl pants on and telling you, she's punishing you by withholding sex?

Either way, this situation is not sustainable and is very unfair to you. Tell her clearly that she is betraying the marriage vows, you cannot go on like this and you are going to counselling. Book an appointment and go alone if necessary.

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post #11 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 11:08 PM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

There are some very esoteric medical reasons for not wanting touch. Unfortunately, all are far worse than menopause or lack of desire....
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post #12 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 07:12 AM
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Cool Re: No need for physical contact?

Quote:
Originally Posted by napsternova View Post
My wife has made it clear that she doesn't need or want sex anymore. Not even physical touch, I don't understand it. I'm very giving and patient, soft, gentle, firm whatever...but she can't even tell me what feels good and she literally just lays there without a moan or word. We've been married 18 years and the last 4 have been awful in the bedroom. I'm feeling such a heavy depression because I feel like the ugliest guy in the world. We split up house work, both have good jobs, a house and wonderful children. I've told her so many times how I feel, even come right out and have said "I need you, today, maybe tonight after kids go to bed"? She always seems to dodge me. Everyone says affair but I really have no way of knowing. I don't know what the hell to do.
Being somewhat blunt here, but to hell with "an affair." Go for a divorce!

Her treatment of you is nothing short of uncaring, disrespectful, and unloving!

She either graciously accepts that she has a mental/physical problem and readily seeks help for it! Or you find yourself a good family attorney to advise you of your legal/parental rights!

A loving, married life was never meant to be lived that way!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #13 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 08:12 AM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

Please give us a timeline of when things going down hill, also if you can tell start around that timeframe....changes in her, new maybe, losing weight, socializing more....paint us a picture. Thanks
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post #14 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 08:29 AM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

the devil is in the details as always
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post #15 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 09:40 AM
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Re: No need for physical contact?

File for divorce. That should get a response from the dead fish, good or bad. IMO, 99% chance you'll be happier and better off if you split up sooner rather than later.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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