About two and a half weeks ago, my husband and I just stopped speaking.
We have been married for over 15 years and have several children together. Our marriage has never been ideal. There's a history of lying, cheating and abuse on his part. I spent years trying to get him to pay more attention to me, value me, but I gave up on that a long time ago. And how we have both just resigned to not caring.
Divorce is not an option for the sake of our children. And because of our work schedules we don't see each other for more than 2 hours a day anyway. Doesn't look like either of us is going to budge, and make any type of attempt to fix this situation.
I am not saying that I'm perfect, or blameless in this situation. My lack of caring over the last several years has led to me withholding affection, and saying very hurtful things.
I have no expectation that this will be fixed. What I want to know is, can two people live this way long term? I'm incredibly lonely but, seeking a relationship outside of his marriage is not an option either. In my heart I do believe that eventually we will divorce, but not until the children move out of the house, which may take 15 years.
I understand I'm probably wasting my time saying this but....
03. Are you or your husband the children of alcoholics?
04. Are you willing to make a change?
05. Are you strong enough to be the change you seek?
06. Do you have a picture of what you want your life to become?
07. Is your husband in that picture?
There is opportunity in every low point in life. Thus when people say "he/she hit bottom". Where is the opportunity
and where does one begin. Obviously you have to talk. The problem with talking is that you will simply say the same things
you have been saying. You will make no change that way.
There is a lot of information to suggest that NOT talking is an opportunity if viewed in the best way. People have written entire novels
by blinking their eyes or moving a single finger. A famous Yogi named Baba Harri Dass quit talking. His reasoning was that too many
words get in the way. He took a child's chalkboard and wrote everything on the board. This forced a discipline on him as the space was
small and the process slow. Writing sets up a block between what you think and how quickly the words come out of your mouth.
The result is that you only write what is important and self censor negativity.
Hand your partner a chalk board and a box of chalk. You do it too. Make a point. Hanging out in the misery space you find yourself in
is no way to live a life.