Help!!! Am I wrong?
I am going to describe an actual scenario in my marriage that has a common theme. The common theme is that my husband gets extremely angry with me and never admits that he should not have and never says he is sorry. When I try to point out that I was very hurt by his behavior, he immediately calls for an emotional divorce and wants to be separated. He doesn't say 'divorce' anymore because he won't do that since we share a daughter. When he is away for long periods of time (deployed with the military or training for the military), it usually involves him sending me an email or text to set up his room for him when he gets home, meaning he wants to be separated. He then ignores me completely. When he is home and he does it, he ignores me completely and kicks me out of the bedroom which usually last for months.
This particular instance, was about vacation plans. We were going on a long road trip to go skiing for a week. We were planning to stop along the way at two of his family's houses for a few days per house. Early in our discussions, we talked about possibly driving out of the way to visit some friends of ours. I didn't think we would have enough time. I told him that we would have to cut our visits with his family short and I didn't think that was a good idea. Well, about a week before we were leaving, I talked to these friends and was just catching up with how things were going for them since they had a bunch going on and I also wanted to tell them about our plans since they knew we were planning to travel across country and they are always hopeful for a visit from us like we have done in the past. They expressed how much they would love for us to visit. I told them about our plans and that I didn't think it was possible, but I would talk to my husband about it again. Well, I told my husband calmly and lovingly that i realized that we already made our plans and I acknowledged that i was the one who originally didn't think it was possible. I told him what my friends had expressed to me and I said that I was wondering if there may be a slight chance that we could squeeze in going to see them. I said that I totally understand if he thinks not. Well, he proceeded to get extremely angry with me. Yelled at me for 'changing plans' and said something to the effect of 'you always do this!'. Then he called his sister and proceeded to curse me and tell her he was sick of my **** and how I 'always do this'. I was very confused by his behavior.
First, I didn't change any plans. I simply asked a question and I was very clear about that. I had already relayed to our friends what the situation was, so they were prepared for a 'no' answer. I didn't demand anything.
When I bring up what happened in this situation to my husband so that he may have a chance to apologize for getting angry with me and accusing me of something that I didn't do and to apologize for bad mouthing me to his sister, he argues that I was wrong for doing what I did, period. Then he proceeds to 'emotionally divorce' me.
Btw, several years ago, we had definitely set plans to visit these same friends after a visit to his brother's house. While we were still at his brother's house and a couple days away from heading to see our friends, my husband expressed that he wanted to stay and cancel our visit with our friends. I said 'ok' and called our friends and canceled. No anger from me. I just wanted him to be happy since he had been deployed for a long while and wanted to hang with his brother a little longer.
Am I wrong for saying that his anger was unjustified and plain wrong and that his bad mouthing me to his sister was very hurtful?