01-02-2012, 04:40 AM
Join Date: Dec 2011
| | Re: Should I Leave or Should I Stay?
Originally Posted by Slytherin_chick
Hi! I am from Manila in the Philippines. Just so you know that some situations (or laws) may not apply to me as that of someone living in the US.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 11 years. When I met him, I was only 16 and I didn't really paid much attention to his bad behaviors. He grew up in a foster home. His parents divorced when he was young and he was sexually molested when he was a child. He dropped out of highschool and is now a professional bum. He smokes, drinks and goes out with his friends a lot. Things were okay at first and we had so much fun growing up. 6 years into our relationship, we decided to move in together.
Needless to say, he is a total mooch. I work, pay the bills and rent, put food on the table and tried to make both ends meet with the meager income that I have. I try to make our lives as comfortable as possible since we don't have a child. I only asked him one thing: try his best to at least to search for a job or run the house (like a house husband). But he doesn't. Whenever I come home from work, the house is in disarray and you can definitely tell that the dogs are starving. I still even need to do the laundry. He would complain if he wants something that I can't afford it. He complains that we're still renting and I don't have the capacity to purchase a house. He drinks everynight (he says he cannot sleep if he doesn't drink). I decided to put up a business for him but it went bankrupt in less than 6 months. I got him a motorcycle for him to have an "inspiration" to work but I ended up paying for the thing myself. Now it has gotten worse. Since having the motorcycle, he goes on out of town trips leaving me alone in the house for days- no calls, no texts. I am getting very frustrated. If he doesn't have gas money, he would sell stuff from the house or steal money from my purse while I'm asleep. He's getting very dependent on alcohol. Our finances are starting to suffer. My family is completely against him, but I stuck with him all throughout with the thought that God must have a purpose why He gave me this man.
Now I like to kick him out of the house to teach him a lesson but I am having mixed emotions about it. He said that I should "understand him" because he had a bad childhood and that he has nowhere else to go (his foster family does not want anything to do with him anymore). He said if I leave him, he would destroy me (not necessarily kill me) and end his life. He is not asking for another chance nor is he apologetic for his actions. Whenever I ask him to leave, he keeps coming back. I'm tired and we are having heated arguments everyday about his behaviors. And I know, I am also part of the abuse because sometimes I cannot control the words coming out of my mouth out of anger. I plan on going out of the country in 2012 to work and send him money for our future, but since he cannot be trusted with finances, the future seems very uncertain for the both of us. And yes... he cheated on me once.
I'm starting to lose all the respect I have for myself and I feel that I deserve more. I have already accepted my fate to be the breadwinner of the family, but I want a husband to come home to and not a troublesome child that I need to take care of. We are not yet married and we don't have a kid. Sometimes a perfect opportunity to escape presents itself to me but I feel really guilty leaving him knowing that he will end up homeless or in jail... or worst, the cemetery.
I still love him dearly and I pray everynight for guidance and divine intervention for him to change for the better. Is there still hope? Please help....
Last December 31st, a few hours before the new year, we had a huge fight. We decided to spend the new year celebrations apart. I was very upset because he was with his friends last Christmas and it was our only chance to spend time with each other. I prayed fervently while crying myself to sleep. I prayed for happiness, change and the courage to do what I needed to do. The next day, I asked him to leave and told him I'm no longer happy and its all over between us. He got upset and hit me with a helmet on the thigh. That was the final straw. I went straight to the police but he fled the scene long before they can make an arrest. I had myself checked by a medico-legal officer in case I decided to bring the matter to the courts. I packed my belongings, took my dogs and ran out of the house. I'm currently staying with my mom until God knows when. He texted me saying that he is sorry and that he doesn't mean to hurt me. I told him I will no longer file any charges against him as long as he leaves me in peace. I said he can keep the motorcycle if that's what he wants, but he has to accept the fact that it's over between us. He said he will never bother me again. Its a very drastic change but you're correct guys, "Love must be tough." I'm still adjusting to life being single but I'm happy I can finally move on.