He has said things to me like “… I consider you one of my closest friends. I have always felt comfortable and unguarded around you. I can count on one hand the people in my life I have felt that way about. I care for you very deeply and would do anything for you. If you ever need anything even if it is just someone to talk to don’t hesitate to call me day or night…”
Isn't that what your boyfriend is for? You don't say stuff like this to "just friends".
If a friend at work has to go away for a long business trip I let him know that if his wife, or SO, needs anything while he's away they should feel free to call me and I'll be happy to help. However I don't go out on a cozy 1-on-1 date with her and tell her that to her face that would be completely different.
However a few weeks ago he did it again and he also blurted out something about friends with benefits. I called him later to ask him if he was serious about that. I didn’t think it was a good idea to just ignore the fact that he said that. He told me he had been thinking about that after he said it and that he didn’t think it would be good idea “at least not right now”. He told me that he cares about me a lot and that he worried it would change things between us. I told him that I care about him too, probably more than a friend should and that I get the impression that he also cares about me more than a friend should. I told him that if I could I would be open to being more than friends, but that neither of us is in a position for that to happen. He said that doesn’t want to lose our friendship that’s why he thinks “for now we should stay just friends.”
Do you seriously wonder how he's getting mixed messages from you?
And now for my actual questions…
Does he have deeper feelings for me than friendship or am I completely misinterpreting him? What does “at least not right now” and “for now we should stay just friends” mean? It’s like he’s saying he wants something more at some later date. Does he think something’s going to happen with us later? I’m so confused. But mostly, I’m worried about his feelings because if he thinks somethings going to happen with us at a later date and it doesn’t (because it can’t since we're in relationships) I don’t want him to get hurt.
It shouldn't be the fact that you are in a relationship that prevents anything from happening between you, it should be the fact that the person you are in the relationship with is the only one you are intimately interested in. You told him quite clearly that the only reason there is nothing happening between you is because of your current relationship, in the absence of that there would be.
This thread sounds like you are in the wrong LTR.
I see that by me saying that I could have led him on. I did say that very recently, so I had not been dangling that out there for years. Still, I should not have said that to him.
I agree with you there, however whether you said it or not you still thought it.
But for 6 years? Wouldn't a guy give up after a while? Seriously, I would think they'd get tired of not getting any action.
He threw it out there and he apologized. I wish I could replay our entire conversation for you. I care because if you knew our friendship you would know that he is the kind of person who will check on me if he knows I'm sick or going through tough times. This is not someone who does not care about my feelings, so that's why I care about his. If he even thinks he's said something to me that could have been hurtful he will ask me directly to make sure that never happens. Sorry, I just don't want you all to think he's a bad person.
This again sounds as though you are getting the nurturing from this relationship that you should be doing from your LTR.
Not fishing. I had genuine questions. Wanting to know what my friend is thinking is a legitimate question. And I can ask for additional adviceafter. That is the point of a message board, correct?
I agree, this is an emotional affair in some respects. Never said it wasn't.
I do not plan to tell my SO and do plan to make adjustmentss to the friendship.
If you are keeping this from your SO then you know that it's wrong.
I think you need to spend a little less time thinking about what he wants out of this and a bit more on what you want. Almost everything you've given here is the sort of thing that you should be getting from your SO.
I'm not against opposite sex friends, it really shouldn't be an issue, but there is nothing I would ever say to an OSF that I wouldn't say of my W and/or their SO were stood there with us. When you are hiding something from your SO there is a reason for it.