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post #46 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 01:06 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

@dreamland1010, I have a slightly different question for you. What is the deal with your LTR? Why are you together so long but not married? Is that him or you? What do you want your life to look like 6 years from now?

I don't recall, but assume you live together if your LTR is like a marriage. Are you really meant for each other? I just wonder if one reason you've put so much time into this "friendship" is because your LTR guy doesn't meet some of your needs (companionship, conversation, admiration?) but you don't want to "cheat."

I lived with my H for years before we finally married and in hindsight it was a huge mistake, because when you live with someone you can't date different people to find the "right" person, but the years are ticking away with no real commitment toward building a life together. It's like you are a couple, you get along fine, but if you're not quite right for each other, you have no opportunity to explore that.

It seems like if FWB was really the guy for you, you would have figured that out a long time ago when he was single and gotten out of your current LTR. Now so much time has gone by, you've bonded with him and maybe a small part of you finds him exciting compared to your LTR, but neither of these two guys ever swept you off your feet.

Just food for thought.

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post #47 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 01:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What is he thinking?

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Originally Posted by WorkingWife View Post
@dreamland1010, I have a slightly different question for you. What is the deal with your LTR? Why are you together so long but not married? Is that him or you? What do you want your life to look like 6 years from now?

I don't recall, but assume you live together if your LTR is like a marriage. Are you really meant for each other? I just wonder if one reason you've put so much time into this "friendship" is because your LTR guy doesn't meet some of your needs (companionship, conversation, admiration?) but you don't want to "cheat."

I lived with my H for years before we finally married and in hindsight it was a huge mistake, because when you live with someone you can't date different people to find the "right" person, but the years are ticking away with no real commitment toward building a life together. It's like you are a couple, you get along fine, but if you're not quite right for each other, you have no opportunity to explore that.

It seems like if FWB was really the guy for you, you would have figured that out a long time ago when he was single and gotten out of your current LTR. Now so much time has gone by, you've bonded with him and maybe a small part of you finds him exciting compared to your LTR, but neither of these two guys ever swept you off your feet.

Just food for thought.
I'm actually married (all other facts are true as presented) and yes we live together. I'm very sorry, I said I was only LTR... I have not felt "married" for years thus "LTR" felt truer. His mom has been a 3rd person in our marriage since day one. We did not live together before getting married. I think we are no longer right for each other.
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post #48 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 01:30 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

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Originally Posted by dreamland1010 View Post
I'm actually married (all other facts are true as presented) and yes we live together. I'm very sorry, I said I was only LTR... I have not felt "married" for years thus "LTR" felt truer. His mom has been a 3rd person in our marriage since day one. We did not live together before getting married. I think we are no longer right for each other.
ahh now this all makes sense
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post #49 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 04:26 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

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Originally Posted by dreamland1010 View Post
I'm actually married (all other facts are true as presented) and yes we live together. I'm very sorry, I said I was only LTR... I have not felt "married" for years thus "LTR" felt truer. His mom has been a 3rd person in our marriage since day one. We did not live together before getting married. I think we are no longer right for each other.
Oh, I'm really sorry.

If you have felt this way for a long time, especially if you've tried to work on it with your H with no luck, divorce might be the right move. But be very careful, make sure you want to divorce regardless of your friend. You don't want to divorce because you've fallen in love with your friend with the hope/assumption that the two of you will become a solid couple. You are basically in an emotional affair with your friend, and that will really skew your perception of your marriage, and reality in general. The grass always looks greener... I've read many times that relationships that come out of situations like your current one have an extremely high failure rate.

I hope things work out for you. I would not want a MIL in the middle of my marriage. (I am blessed in that my MIL is very low maintenance and non-meddling. She's the least of my marital problems.)
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