What is he thinking? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:08 PM Thread Starter
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post #2 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:25 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

Depending on how serious your relationships with other people are, if they are committed relationships then this friendship has already become inappropriate. It sounds to me like he wants you as his secret something on the side, under the guise of "close friends."

If you're serious about your LTR, I'd end this friendship. If you think you want a relationship with this friend, I'd end your LTR and see where this one goes.
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post #3 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:31 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

Quick question...was alcohol involved in the above events?
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post #4 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What is he thinking?

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Quick question...was alcohol involved in the above events?
Alcohol was not involved. There was no impairment involved.
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post #5 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:37 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

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Originally Posted by dreamland1010 View Post
And now for my actual questions…

Does he have deeper feelings for me than friendship or am I completely misinterpreting him? What does “at least not right now” and “for now we should stay just friends” mean? It’s like he’s saying he wants something more at some later date. Does he think something’s going to happen with us later? I’m so confused. But mostly, I’m worried about his feelings because if he thinks somethings going to happen with us at a later date and it doesn’t (because it can’t since we're in relationships) I don’t want him to get hurt.
He wants something more than your current friendship. It sounds like he wants a fiends with benefits relationship with you while both of you are involved with other people.

He keeps trying in hopes that he propositions you at a moment when you are weak.

Most men will not spend this much time with a woman unless he is interested in having sex with her.

Have you told your boyfriend that this guy has tried kissing you a few times?
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post #6 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:37 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

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I told him that if I could I would be open to being more than friends, but that neither of us is in a position for that to happen.
Six years?
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post #7 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What is he thinking?

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Six years?
Yes, we have been friends for 6 years.
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post #8 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:41 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

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Yes, we have been friends for 6 years.
If you are open to being more than just friends, than six years is a very long time for that not to happen!

Have both of you been in relationships/dating other people the whole time? Is one of the two of you married?
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post #9 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:42 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

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I told him that if I could I would be open to being more than friends, but that neither of us is in a position for that to happen.
So you basically told him to keep trying.

If you two are so compatible, why don't you end our relationships with others and just the two of you be together?
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post #10 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What is he thinking?

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He wants something more than your current friendship. It sounds like he wants a fiends with benefits relationship with you while both of you are involved with other people.

He keeps trying in hopes that he propositions you at a moment when you are weak.

Most men will not spend this much time with a woman unless he is interested in having sex with her.

Have you told your boyfriend that this guy has tried kissing you a few times?
Thanks.

You make a good point. I hadn't thought about the whole "spending time" thing as being anything significant. A best female friend of mine (besties since Jr High) and I used to spend this much time and more with each other when we both lived in the same city. I guess I may be naive, but I never saw it as more than similar to that. Do you think a guy would do this for years and years if all he wanted was to get in a girls pants? I mean, that is a long time without getting any favors. He was not in a relationship since I've known him until his recent relationship this past year.

No, I have not told my BF yet.

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post #11 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:48 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

Oh dear. He loves you. He wants you but you are both tied to other people. If you were single you would be together. I suspect you probably feel the same but are avoiding it because you dont want to hurt the person you are with. I know this because your post is my life 4 years ago. We met up in the end and had an open and brutally honest conversation. I was in a dead relationship and was saving to move out anyway and he had split up with his girlfriend but she was still living with him because she couldnt afford to leave. Our feelings gave us the push to leave the relationships we were in. It was hard because even if we were not happy, we didn't want to hurt other people unecessarily (sorry can't spell). We both went home and announced we were leaving. Which we did. That was 4 years ago. We have been married for 18 months. Never been happier. If you really want your current relationship to work you HAVE to cut this other man off. Its not fair to any of you otherwise. Your current relationship wont stand a chance with this hanging over you. Good Luck x

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post #12 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What is he thinking?

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If you are open to being more than just friends, than six years is a very long time for that not to happen!

Have both of you been in relationships/dating other people the whole time? Is one of the two of you married?
I have been in a LTR the entire time I've known him. The whole time I've known him, he dated rarely and was not in a actual relationship until this past year-ish.
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post #13 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:49 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

I know from experience, snyone who whill cheat WITH you will cheat ON you. RUN. Spend your energy Watering your own relationship, not jumping into a new one. It will be a curse. Sorry to be a downer.
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post #14 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: What is he thinking?

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If you two are so compatible, why don't you end our relationships with others and just the two of you be together?
If they are both compatible and both open to being more than friends, but there has been NO sex for six years... I can only imagine what the LTR or marriage would be like!

If a man wants to be with a woman, as they say, "ALL is fair in love and war!" It would have happened by now if he really wanted her. Otherwise they seem to just be keeping each other on the back burner so to speak as a backup plan or something.
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post #15 of 49 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 04:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What is he thinking?

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So you basically told him to keep trying.

If you two are so compatible, why don't you end our relationships with others and just the two of you be together?
I see that by me saying that I could have led him on. I did say that very recently, so I had not been dangling that out there for years. Still, I should not have said that to him.
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