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post #16 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 02:25 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

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I think my attitude about it depends on how it's approached. Some think it's a huge sacrifice they're making that the husbands should be thankful for. Others see it as a gift they should be grateful for. I could only deal with the latter. And if I have to be the sole provider of that lifestyle, I expect to be taken care of. In every way.
I get you, I would probably feel the same way but at this juncture in my life though I am still with my H. If I knew then 20 years ago, what I know now I would not have given up my career at all as I feel I was sold a pig in a poke big time. One lives and learns I guess and I know I am better off than most in that I could work again. Many women give it all up and the laws in their country are not like those in the west and they get squat on a split.

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post #17 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 03:01 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

My gf is just about to have our baby and I would love for her to be a sahm.She isn't too keen though.
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post #18 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 03:44 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

If she can trust her husband not to exploit her vulnerability in any way, it is really nice for the whole family.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #19 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 04:27 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

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If she can trust her husband not to exploit her vulnerability in any way, it is really nice for the whole family.
Therein lies the crux, if she can trust her husband to be a man of honor who doesn't use his position in the family to hold all the power. Unfortunately, there are too many men especially in the culture I live in, think that they are somehow entitled just because they have a pee pee!
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post #20 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 04:38 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

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Therein lies the crux, if she can trust her husband to be a man of honor who doesn't use his position in the family to hold all the power. Unfortunately, there are too many men especially in the culture I live in, think that they are somehow entitled just because they have a pee pee!
True. Too few men have the integrity I wish they did. And their wives and children pay the price.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #21 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 06:36 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

I've known both SAHPs and working parents. I know a few that work about 25-30 hrs a week and child mind the rest of the time.

I wouldn't presume to judge. I've seen the good examples and the bad in each of those cases.

Where I grew up, it has now become yuppie young parentsville, unfortunately. Most husband are breadwinners and wives meet at the Starbucks every morning with their baby strollers in tow. I used to watch them while I was waiting for my train to come rolling into the station. They'd slag off their husbands to each other and complain about having no free time. Um... You're having a coffee and chatting right now? Again, I've known amazing SAHPs who raise some brilliant children, they work tirelessly to engender good qualities in the next generation. But I've seen plenty that would rather complain, browse Facebook, and go out with their friends than raise children. It saddens me because I have no children yet, but I hope to. I can't fathom ignoring or thinking so little of something I'd feel blessed to have in my life. I also know myself and have come to terms with needing a balance between working and raising kids, if I had such a choice available to me.

There are all sorts in this world.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #22 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 06:51 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

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Therein lies the crux, if she can trust her husband to be a man of honor who doesn't use his position in the family to hold all the power. Unfortunately, there are too many men especially in the culture I live in, think that they are somehow entitled just because they have a pee pee!
works both ways... She decides he spends too much time working (aka neglecting her needs/wants) or finds a bf, and he is hit with virtually unending alimony.

I do think kids, especially young kids, are better off with a sahp.
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post #23 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:01 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

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Yep. It's a total screw job on the stay-at-home-spouse. I don't know how alimony works, but I can't imagine it makes up for what you could earn if you had your own career. And it doesn't last forever - and once you are over 40 or 50, it can be really hard to get a career type job because employers look at you and think:

1) You may not stick around that long
2) You're more likely to have health issues
3) You won't be happy with entry level pay
4) You won't be willing to put up with hours/requests a young person will. (Though with many of today's millennials, it's probably more likely to be the young people who lack the work ethic and already think they are something special.)
I am married but it does make life difficult if you are dependent on someone else financially especially if there are problems in the relationship.

I have been a SAHM for the best part of 17 years. Managed to get a steady casual job nearly 2 years ago working 6 hours a week and that was through a good friend. Didn't plan on staying out of the workforce for the length of time that I did but factor in a 3rd child and with childcare being so expensive it wasn't worth me working especially part time as was my preferred option. Were I live it is very hard to find work of any kind whether it is part time or full time and unless you know someone it is very difficult to find employment especially when one has been out of the workforce for X number of years and is of a certain age (late 40's onwards). It doesn't seem to matter even if you have upskilled in different courses it comes down to who you know, not what you know.
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post #24 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:08 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

Very sexy and desirable to find a woman who puts family first. Have not met many of those in my life
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post #25 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:12 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

I don't have kids and I work full time, but I'm giving my opinion any ways (whether you like it or not! LOL)!

I have a lot of respect for SAH Moms or Dads. I think it's a great way to raise children. However it comes with some potential issues though.
1. the SAH Mom or Dad can not be lazy! They really must be all about the kids, keeping up on the home, running errands, cooking meals.
2. Both parents must be completely on board with the decision. If there's any hesitation by either, there'll be resentment.
3. Both must specifically talk about the division of housework, financials, and how to handle any hobbies that the parents may have.
4. If the kids are not home schooled, then I think after a certain age, the SAH parent should go back to work. This is when the kids become independent and you don't have to do as much for them, whatever age this is.


"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #26 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 10:01 AM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

the divorce rate is huge.

anybody that don't or can't make their own way in the world is making a huge mistake or at least taking a huge risk of not being able to support ones self if something happens ........such as divorce or even a death of a spouse who supports you.


common sense would be to always be mindful of this.
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post #27 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 01:00 PM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

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whats your opinion on women that put their family ahead of their career by choosing a life as a wife, and a mother?
SAHM? I have one. Everyone should have one. J/K. It works for us. I make plenty so my W does not need to work however....if my W was not a SAHM I could not do what I do in my field of work. My W is a great W and excellent mother.

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post #28 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 01:10 PM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

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If she can trust her husband not to exploit her vulnerability in any way, it is really nice for the whole family.
This is so insightful. My husband has always been very appreciative of what I do for our family so he can focus on his career (for our family). It's actually the major reason I feel fierce loyalty to my spouse- I am so appreciative of the huge responsibility he takes on providing for us, and he's very appreciative of what I do for him and our children.

And I know so many women who stay home are well-educated these days (myself included), that many of us do have hobbies/side gigs/continued learning we take advantage of to stay mentally stimulated. I know several (myself included) who launched small businesses once our children grew older. Raising kids teaches a lot about how to prioritize time and get things done efficiently. And most women I know who do it treat it like a career- we learn as much as possible about child development, effective parenting techniques, networking and volunteering in the community, school, and/or homeschool groups. *Adding that many women with careers can do all of this too. I know doctors, teachers, successful realtors, millitary, etc. who work part-time and make time for all of these things with their children as well.

Last edited by Jessica38; 03-15-2017 at 01:46 PM.
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post #29 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 01:37 PM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

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This is so insightful. My husband has always been very appreciative of what I do for our family so he can focus on his career (for our family). It's actually the major reason I feel fierce loyalty to my spouse- I am so appreciative of the huge responsibility he takes on providing for us, and he's very appreciative of what I do for him and our children.
My W is very similar. Very appreciative of what I do and is vocal about it(and physical ) I appreciate the heck out of my W and make sure I show it everyday. We do not bicker over the little things(after 22 years we figured it just is not worth it). We do not bicker over major things as we do not have any.

And let me say my W does a lot during the week to keep our weekends free. That is huge for us being able to do things together.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
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post #30 of 57 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 01:54 PM
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Re: whats your opinion on housewives

When I was married my wife worked for the first half of the marriage and was a SAHM for the second half of the marriage (kids went to public school when they were old enough), so I got to experience both. I didn't really care what path she chose as long as she was happy and felt fulfilled by it, since I made enough money to support our family. It was a convenience having her around the house so I could spend more time focusing on my career while she focused on the kids and keeping the house running. However, now that I am single and work full time while taking care of my kids (half time custody) and handling the housework, I just don't see how it was a full time job. Cooking, running errands, dishes, and laundry averages about an hour a day and most of it can be done while doing something else. It's a pleasure to be able to sit down and do homework with my kids or play with them after school, so I don't consider that work. And a housecleaner can clean my house top to bottom far more thoroughly than my ex wife and it takes less than two hours every other week. So my opinion is that if you can afford it then it is a nice option, if she wants to do that. However, it isn't necessary and isn't as big of a contribution to the family as people make it out to be.
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