I have been in a poor place in my life for some months now, struggling and dealing with things, on another of my posts, a point was raised about “GasLighting” and I wasn’t exactly sure of what it was so looked it up, definitions are generally similar with a number of points raised, and I answered them, essentially I ticked the box for everything, as explained below, and then there was a real kick at the end of all that……..
1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself –
Everytime, wondering if it is right, wrong, thinking it is right and then finding it is wrong in so many things
2. You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" a dozen times a day. –
All the time
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work. –
Definitely, unfocused, unable to organise appropriately that has actually led to a recent formal warning.
4. You're always apologizing to your friends and family. –
This has happened, but I generally try to justify her words and actions, that she is entirely appropriate.
5. You can't understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren't happier. –
Most definitely, there are good things, but I simply can’t see or feel them.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family. –
Justify more than excuse, see point 4.
7. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses. –
This has happened on a few occasions, mainly as I cannot bear to go into detail, it becomes too frustrating, also partly due to bot being able to appropriately express myself, see point 8.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself. –
Without doubt the biggest point here for me, it is terribly wrong and the best I can come up with is that I am unhappy and I know I am not good but not able to fully explain it.
9. You start lying avoid the put downs and reality twists. –
Oh yes, am in that motion as we speak, and when the truth comes out, which it has to soon due to circumstance it will go nuclear and I am not afraid to say I am both scared of the event and the fallout that will happen, extremely on edge as we speak.
10. You have trouble making simple decisions. –
Every time, generally try to not make any.
11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident fun-loving, more relaxed. –
I am aware of that person, me, aware that it was there I enjoyed life, stress free and happy, that just feels like some wishful dream I had some time again.
12. You feel hopeless and joyless. –
Every day, plus add incompetent to that list.
13. You feel as though you can't do anything right. –
Definitely, even when I believe I have done something specific right, or right to my mind I am finding I am told very different.
14. You wonder if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/ wife/employee/ friend; daughter. –
I feel a dreadful husband as I simply do not meet expectations or wants ever.
15. You’ve become completely insecure –
Without a doubt, to the point of just feeling uncomfortable around people as a whole, no confidence.
I then sat and thought to myself “am I being fair here, have I weighted it far more towards myself than what is the case, is this actually correct and is it one sided?” which is exactly what is the content of the points and my answers, just a bit of a shocker to me, and perhaps maybe to others, be interesting to gather other member’s experiences.