Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 24Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 07:11 PM
Member
 
soulpotato's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,098
Re: Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?

@Rainbow_Dazed Glad to hear everything is going well!

soulpotato is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 07:24 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,178
Re: Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?

No weekends. That's odd to me. I hope she isn't married, and lying to you. I've never ever everrrr heard of anyone who is single refusing to date/see someone on the weekend, just keepin' it real. lol

I know many introverts, and they're not refusing to see people they're dating on the weekends. I think there's something more to that (maybe not marriage, but something seems off about that to me), and I'm not saying to start this off with distrust, but it's only been two months (?), you honestly don't know her. It takes time to really know someone, so guard your heart, don't give it away too easily.

Maybe I read too many stories on TAM. lol I hope I'm wrong, but that just seems off to me.

Do your dates mainly happen during the day? Do you ever stay out late with her during the weekdays?

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

I'm newly married
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Last edited by *Deidre*; 04-11-2017 at 07:32 PM.
*Deidre* is offline  
post #33 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 07:38 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 1,075
Re: Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?

Bizarre relationship... have you seen her naked yet? Ha. Keep dating other girls, you two aren't exclusive if you haven't touched home yet. Are you even past 1st base?

You two will have the most boring sex life if you stay together forever. Trust me and others that have been there.
GuyInColorado is offline  
 
post #34 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 02:34 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 63
Re: Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?

Hi, thank you again for the comments.

It is comforting to hear that many of you who replied are confused/hesitant about all this. It makes me more at ease with my own hesitant feelings. At the moment I'm at a good place with all of this, I think things are progressing in a comfortable way and at an comfortable pace. I have been open and clear about the things I want in the future and that with time I want to progress towards those things, and I know she wants that too. For the time being this arrangement is working.

I have been to her place multiple times and have stayed for the night a few times. She has been to my place too but not for the night. I expect that'll happen in the near future though. As I wrote before, we have shared some intimate things, physical too. For me it is important to verify verbally a lot of things to know where we are and based on the information I have gotten it is my understanding that she is happy with how things have progressed and if anything would like to move faster than we are moving in certain areas. Which is good. I am still not ready to move forward on some fronts, but with each passing week I am feeling more secure with her and more ready to share even more intimacy with her.

We're still quite much strangers to each other and yes, it does take a long time to truly get to know someone. Weíre currently in a place where Iím learning new bigger things of her. So far the things Iíve learned have all made me even more interested in her. The slow pace at the moment gives lots of time to think about the things I learn of her and that has been good for now. I feel itís a positive sign that she wants to share more of herself with me as time goes by. I interpert that means she feels some level of secureness with me and trust.

My life has with years become quite stoic and maybe to many, boring. Itís heavy with routines, and in many ways very simple (work, parenting, personal hobbies, occational nights out with friends, rinse and repeat, year after year). To me, itís a very pleasing way to exist. I guess out of the two, thereís less of my life to learn as far as comes to my daily life and of the core needs I have at this point in my life. Though naturally thereís at the same time very much in my life to take in and things I am very protective about (most important being my child), so itís not only her who has areas in which she wants to guard for the time being.

As for boring sex life Ė I guess thatís quite an subjective experience. In my stoic way of life itís likely that sexual things become with time in some ways stoic as well. Time will tell if that is something she finds pleasing. Iíve been in different kinds of relationships and have come to learn that sex is an essential part of life, and if incorporated into an amorous relationship in a way that sexual things are only shared within that relationship, it needs to work very well. In this I need more time to get to know her and her thoughts, though what I know so far is very promising. It seems we both think sexuality to be an important part of life and something that is an very important part of a relationship.
Rainbow_Dazed is offline  
post #35 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 02:53 AM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,662
Cool Re: Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?

I agree with the "calmer you!"

It may take a little longer here than six weeks as her feelings for you have to brought into consideration as well!

Regarding successful romantic relationships, I think that you would agree that "Rome was not built in a day!"

I really think that all she wants is just to get to know you even better with more openness!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
arbitrator is offline  
post #36 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 05:32 AM
Member
 
soulpotato's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,098
Re: Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?

@Rainbow_Dazed

I have weekends that I don't see my girlfriend (like this one coming up) and I'm not seeing anyone else. I just don't have enough time and energy for myself and struggle to get everything done. Granted this may not be the case with your girlfriend, but not wanting to see you on weekends doesn't mean she's up to something bad. If several months pass and she still never wants to see you on weekends, then you can start asking more questions.

It may be that trust is going to be an issue in this relationship, especially with other people questioning your girlfriend's nonconformity to the dating norm in ways that imply she must be up to no good if she's not with you on weekends. It's not going to do anything but make you worry more. You can't control what she does, even if you were to spend every weekend with her.
soulpotato is offline  
post #37 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 05:43 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 63
Re: Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?

@soulpotato

I assume something in my response made you think that this weekend thing is making trust harder for me to build? That is not the case. With each passing week that I have come to know her more, I understand better what her needs are and know that she truly needs a lot of her own time to recharge. That is something I want to learn to live with if this thing grows into something deeper.

I have absolutely no reason to distrust her and she has been nothing but open to me. It's the opposite - with time I find myself feeling more secure with her and trust deepening. It was just relieving to read other people's thoughts, because it made me be more understanding of my own initial reactions. I'm currently much more at ease with everything and am very happy that I struggled through the initial hardships I had with understanding what's happening. The book you recommended helped immensely.

For me having hard time to build enough trust for another person to share a deeper level intimacy lie in totally different reasons which I have shared with her and she has been understanding.
Rainbow_Dazed is offline  
post #38 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 11:57 AM
Member
 
soulpotato's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,098
Re: Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?

@Rainbow_Dazed To me it sounded like a combination of the no-weekends deal and the subsequent feedback on that might be making you feel more leery/concerned. (Not saying you should never be concerned or ignore your own instincts if anything comes up or the situation starts to really trouble you, just...yeah. ) But I'm glad that that's not the case and that you are still feeling good about the whole thing.

I'm glad the book helped, and I very much understand having difficulty in trusting others. I'm glad that your girlfriend is reaching towards you and continuing to deepen the relationship from her side as well.

Last edited by soulpotato; 04-12-2017 at 12:01 PM.
soulpotato is offline  
post #39 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 12:00 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,178
Re: Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?

Glad to hear you have been to her place lol Then, maybe she just wants to take it slow, which isn't a bad thing, really. Hope things work out for you.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

I'm newly married
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
*Deidre* is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Uncertain feelings - Imminent marriage Uncertainfruit General Relationship Discussion 14 03-16-2017 05:27 PM
Husband has to be away from home for work rileyawes Coping with Infidelity 29 07-26-2016 12:02 AM
Husband just decided to skip work and didn't even call in! Mapper General Relationship Discussion 96 07-08-2016 05:37 PM
Dating while separated - like a long distance, illicit relationship! SurpriseMyself Going Through Divorce or Separation 11 04-17-2016 08:01 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome