Dating: I think I have stronger feelings - can it still work?
it's been quite a long time since I last posted here. After my separation three and half years ago life found it's course and became quite busy. With years passing the situation evolved in a way that I became pretty much the sole provider for my child who is now 9 years old. He visits his other home every other weekend but other than that, lives pretty much with me. Life has been good and last fall I felt that I'm starting to be ready for another relationship, so I started dating again.
This january I started chatting with this really nice person. I wasn't going to ask her out, because I couldn't really get the feel for where the thing was going based on our messages, but she asked me out. When I met her, I got this "wow on the first sight" I've only gotten perhaps once in my life. So many little things in her just felt so good (her posture, openess, curious mind, positive attitude, politeness, shyness and yet brave eye contact). We started seeing each other and we've been seeing each other for month and a half now. My feelngs have grown deeper and she has feelings too. She sends me messages daily, tells me kind things, is initiative about spending time with me.
But, she doesn't want to spend time on weekends together. I asked her about that and she said that she needs that time for herself to get over the stressful work week and to just be free. Before I asked, she never said directly no to my initiations about doing something fun on the weekends, but the at the last minute said that she'd rather see next week. Also, all the talks about what's happening between us and where this is going are initiated by me. She has been initiative about sleeping together and that might happen soon. I've told her that I'm not ready for sex and for me to be ready I need to feel secure and trust needs to build. Sleeping together sounds nice and manageable enough, I think.
I've talked with my friends a lot and I think that it's fairly certain that I have stronger feelings for her than she for me. My main concern at the moment is that my fear of rejection kicks in and I sabotage a good thing by stopping it. The fear whispers in my ear that a dynamics like this can not work or become anything permanent and that she's not that into me in the end and doesn't want something as big as me. The calmer me tries to sooth my fears by saying that we are just getting to know each other and she actively communicates with me, tells me being with me makes her feel better every time, wants to sleep together. There are lots of positive signs and I should give this time and proceed by respecting both of our wants and needs. She wants to focus seeing each other on the weekdays for now, then go with that. And focus on keeping yourself active and happy while this uncertain and occationally tormenting situation lasts.
If you read this far, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is this dynamics doomed for a short getting to know each other that ends up in heart break, or is there hope for something to grow from this? I know there are no answers, but feedback and experiences would be very much welcome.