Ok, I'm purposefully not going to be long-winded. I've posted here before, so go ahead and get some back story if you must, but it shouldn't be necessary. I'm more curious of the answers from people who don't know any further details.
Say you met a partner when they weren't even a legal adult yet (you weren't much older, but an adult). The person has a million qualities you love. At the same time, as a 17 year old, there are things about them that are under-developed due to lack of life experience, but you figure it's safe to assume they'll grow, learn, and figure adult life out, just as any other reasonable growing young adult would...just as you did yourself, and continue to do. As their devoted partner, you do everything you can to help them, guide them, support them, be a safety net for them, be understanding when they fail, help them onto their feet, all the things a person who loves another person would and should do. As the slightly older and more experienced one, as the one with the good job, savings, a good outlook on life and good track record so far, you understand that majority of the helping
that goes on between the two of you is going to be you
, and you're mostly OK with that.
Fast forward 10 years. Now this person you fell in love with is almost 30 and you've had a glowing relationship with one and other, you're madly in love, more than you ever dreamed possible. However, over the years they have failed time and time and time again, constantly looking to you for the bail out, constantly depending on your safety net, and worst of all, not learning from their own mistakes and experiences, no matter what the specifics are. What's even worse, is that you observe them making obvious mistakes and watching them suffer as a result (not to mention having to deal with the consequences of their mistakes yourself because you share a life together), and when you offer advice, they agree, but then don't act on the advice, and low and behold, they make the same mistakes again, suffer again, lather rinse repeat.
Is it partially your fault for acting almost like a parent to this person, that now they can't handle themselves? Never letting them suffer too much from their bad decisions and mistakes, never letting them hit rock bottom, ALWAYS being there for them to the point where they don't instinctively learn and develop because they subconsciously know you will always be there to catch them, support them and guide them to safety? Is it fair to be upset with this person because it's now dragging YOUR life down and holding you back from making strides because they have to play catch-up?