Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
After 48 years I realized that I did not love her.
Not my wife of 44 years but my first fiancee. I have always felt that she broke my heart and betrayed my love when she cheated on me. However, I realized today that I really did not love her. I joined the Army for 3 years and knew that she was going to college the next year so we would not see much of each other. Why would I do something like that without consulting my fiancee or even give her a head's up?
I did what a lot of other people do. She was my first relationship since I was 15. We were both virgins when we met but not after the first year with each other. I think this is something I read about where you are with a person for a while and feel that the next step is engagement and then marriage. I have two good friends who also got engaged and married their high school sweethearts, and then got divorced two years later. Lucky for me that I skipped the marriage and divorce part or else I would have never met my wonderful wife who I fell in love with on first sight. Really! We were engaged 3 weeks after we met. I even told my friend that I would marry that girl at the other end of the train and he laughed at me. We still do not know why but we fell in love instantly.
I wonder how many who post about cheating wives or divorces were like me. They dated for a long time and the next logical step is to get married. Some stay together because of the regular sex or not wanting to date a log of frogs again before they meet their prince. Some just get used to one another. How many out there married a long time sweetheart only to get divorced a few years later? This seems to be a fairly common thing.
Funny that I did not see it until I was 65. I think the fact that I was in Vietnam for a year, that I convinced myself that I was in love with my fiancee given the circumstances that I might die any day. I did get mad at her when I found out she was cheating. I felt angry because I am an alpha male and want all the women to myself. Today I know the truth. I think the war and my life after it, sort of blurred what I remembered. Only today as I was talking to my wife about it, did I realize that I did not love her, but rather was in love with being in love. Anyone realize after they married that they really did not love their spouse as they thought?
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
Last edited by Vinnydee; 03-16-2017 at 09:40 PM.