I know that it is not a sexual relationship- it is not a mistress relationship but I definitely think that this not wanting me there is coming from his friends more than from him. He told me they made fun of him after the few times I went with them, saying "what you're not allowed to go out by yourself". So yes my going is going to be awkward, but it's also his responsibility to not make it awkward for me- to be clear that he wants me to be there with him, not that I'm forcing him, and that's what it should be- if he truly doesn't want me to be there then that is a different problem. I wish that he would admit that it's his friends egging him on to not including me- and he should be man enough to say- my wife is my life and she's coming- if you don't like it we won't be doing these dinners anymore. They have other sport interests that they share that I don't, I don't mind them going to do those because it's a sport, this is a social gathering, this is for fun to spend time together, not to do something together, and that's the difference that bothers me about not being included. There is no credible reason for me not being able to go.
How do you know
, that he's not having a sexual relationship with anyone else? Is it an assumption, or have you actually done some covert investigating to find out? And, no, I'm afraid asking him and having him assure you that "We're just friends!" does not count.
I'm going to presume that your husband is an otherwise fully functioning grown man, yes? In that case, why on earth would he be somehow incapable of making his own choices, regardless of his friend's opinions? I know it's very tempting to blame his bad behavior on his friends. The problem with that is that your husband has free will, and as such, he can choose his own actions. The actions you're unhappy with are ones that he is choosing
. He could have chosen to put his friends in their place immediately when they began to disrespect his wife. He did not. He could have chosen to stop associating with people who obviously don't respect his wife or his marriage. He did not. He could have chosen to stop these date nights that didn't include you when you told him it made you uncomfortable. He did not. He could choose to spend more time and effort with you and on dating you than with his friends and dating them. He did not.
I think a major stumbling block here for you is going to be realizing that you already have your answer from your husband. He's telling you - through word and through deed - that you matter less than his opposite sex friend(s). You don't want to believe that because it's hurtful. But he's already told you who he is and what he wants. The only question now is whether or not you're okay with that. If you're not, it's up to you to choose something different for yourself. You are not helpless to choose what you're willing to tolerate, any more than he is helpless to stop going out on dates without his wife because his mean old friends might laugh at him.