Husband's double dates - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

View Poll Results: Do you think this is inappropriate behavior on my husband's part
Yes 39 88.64%
No 5 11.36%
Voters: 44. You may not vote on this poll

User Tag List

 353Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #76 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 06:11 PM
Member
 
frusdil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,896
Re: Husband's double dates

Quote:
Originally Posted by newme2017 View Post
I think that's exactly what i need to say to him. At this time when we're trying to make things better, i need you to have my back, i need you to do this for me, i need you to show them and me that i am supposed to be by your side. And that even if you think it's not a big thing, it's a big thing to me and i need you to make it right for me. Making it right for me should be the priority over what your friends might want, and even what you might want with them at this time.

I honestly even think that if he lays off and does this for a while and we get back to normal that it wouldn't bother me so much- at least i hope so. it didn't use to bother me so much in the early days of our marriage, it was such a long time ago- i don't know if i just don't remember or they didn't go out as much or we were just really happy so it didn't register, but right now i physically can not function with this going on.
Oh dear god, honey, NO. No discussion, no "you need to have my back"...you TELL him to knock this **** off NOW, or he'll be served.

That's IT.

Your husband has zero respect for you, your children and your marriage. ZERO. How can you allow this to go on? What sort of example is this for your children? These ridiculous dates are taking precious time and resources away from your family.

frusdil is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #77 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 08:54 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 23
Re: Husband's double dates

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
bilbo99 is offline  
post #78 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 02:43 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: In the fort behind the sofa
Posts: 5,207
Re: Husband's double dates

Calling ahead for you to get ready for sex is like calling Domino's to order a pizza. With the same expectations of delivery.


He must have gotten hot and bothered by the 'date'. Gotta wonder what is said and done by and to him.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
Malaise is online now  
 
post #79 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 08:52 AM
Member
 
She'sStillGotIt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Back east
Posts: 567
Re: Husband's double dates

Quote:
Originally Posted by newme2017 View Post
Also this last outing where he obviously had such a good time he wanted sex has just sent this into a different orbit.
Dear Lord.

So pig boy went out on yet another of his many dates and then came home looking for sex? Don't tell me you actually had sex with this POS?

Damn. That must be one hell of a **** sandwich he's been serving you since you're only too happy to keep eating it year after year after year after year after year after year......

Last edited by EleGirl; 03-18-2017 at 01:13 PM. Reason: fixes profanity bypass
She'sStillGotIt is offline  
post #80 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 09:57 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 14
Re: Husband's double dates

I don't want to give people the wrong impression. he's not telling me he's going out on a date and it's supposed to be romantic with them. But to me it "looks" like a double date, because it's 2 men and 2 women and they dress nicely and they go to a nice place and have drinks and dinner, so to me that's what i call it. He obviously doesn't call it that- he says he's getting together with his friends. It's the mix of people and the fact that they don't want me to go that is driving me nuts. To him it's just him going out with his friends and there's nothing wrong- to me and to anyone who might see them out i'm sure it looks like a double date.

Should i bring it up now ahead of the next time they may go out, or do i wait until it comes up again, keep working on our marriage and see if he's in a better place he may take what i'm saying differently now that we're working stuff out better. We haven't had a fight about this in about a year, so it'll have been a year since i brought up that this is an issue with me.
newme2017 is offline  
post #81 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 09:59 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 14
Re: Husband's double dates

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malaise View Post
Calling ahead for you to get ready for sex is like calling Domino's to order a pizza. With the same expectations of delivery.


He must have gotten hot and bothered by the 'date'. Gotta wonder what is said and done by and to him.
Exactly- this makes me argue that obviously it's not just friends - or innocent, there's talk going on.
newme2017 is offline  
post #82 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 10:25 AM
Member
 
bankshot1993's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: alberta
Posts: 245
Re: Husband's double dates

A couple comments:

What exactly is your preferred solution, that he not go or that you be allowed to go?

I find myself wondering, if you were allowed to go how uncomfortable would you be knowing that you aren't wanted there, which brings me to my next point.

Anybody that is toxic to your marriage should be out of contact and if they are pushing your husband to make you feel unwelcome at any outing with your husband than they are definitaly toxic to your marriage.

Our lives are a novel and we, the authors. if you don't like the story line, only you have the power to change it.
bankshot1993 is online now  
post #83 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 10:33 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 14
Re: Husband's double dates

Quote:
Originally Posted by bankshot1993 View Post
A couple comments:

What exactly is your preferred solution, that he not go or that you be allowed to go?

I find myself wondering, if you were allowed to go how uncomfortable would you be knowing that you aren't wanted there, which brings me to my next point.

Anybody that is toxic to your marriage should be out of contact and if they are pushing your husband to make you feel unwelcome at any outing with your husband than they are definitely toxic to your marriage.
I don't want him to lose his friends. I don't have a problem with them being friends, he has other women friends that i have no issue with because i am always part of the mix. There's one woman in the mix that i think is the real issue, i think she may have had or has a thing for my husband. I would like to go, and i look at it this way- if they don't want me there, and aren't enjoying it because i'm there, they'll stop doing these dinners and then problem solved for me either way. Even though i know they probably don't want me there, if that's how they feel then i don't feel bad ruining it for them. Cause what they're doing is wrong if they don't respect me or my marriage. It's hard cause i really don't know who is the one really pushing the just the 4 of us thing, i really don't think it's coming from my husband, i think he's going along with them. Because this isn't an issue with any one else in our lives. I think 1 or 2 of them came up with this "just us" thing and he won't say she comes or we don't do this anymore. No skin off my nose if they don't go out anymore because of me. I'm not saying they can't be friends, i'm just saying you can't go out with my husband. Two very different things!
newme2017 is offline  
post #84 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 10:34 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 14
Re: Husband's double dates

I don't want him to lose his friends. I don't have a problem with them being friends, he has other women friends that i have no issue with because i am always part of the mix. There's one woman in the mix that i think is the real issue, i think she may have had or has a thing for my husband. I would like to go, and i look at it this way- if they don't want me there, and aren't enjoying it because i'm there, they'll stop doing these dinners and then problem solved for me either way. Even though i know they probably don't want me there, if that's how they feel then i don't feel bad ruining it for them. Cause what they're doing is wrong if they don't respect me or my marriage. It's hard cause i really don't know who is the one really pushing the just the 4 of us thing, i really don't think it's coming from my husband, i think he's going along with them. Because this isn't an issue with any one else in our lives. I think 1 or 2 of them came up with this "just us" thing and he won't say she comes or we don't do this anymore. No skin off my nose if they don't go out anymore because of me. I'm not saying they can't be friends, i'm just saying you can't go out with my husband. Two very different things!
newme2017 is offline  
post #85 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 11:36 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,502
Re: Husband's double dates

If two married men go out with women other than their wives for meals and drinks then they are either having more than a platonic relationship or they are trying to give others the idea that something is going on.Either way your nose is being rubbed in it and your husband doesn't seem to care.He loves the idea of people thinking he has a side piece and your friends are probably wondering why you are putting up with it.When he messaged you to be ready for sex the other man and women must all have had a good laugh at you.Hit this on the head before it wears you down completely.

Andy1001 is offline  
post #86 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 11:44 AM
Member
 
wild jade's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,476
Re: Husband's double dates

I would just ring up some of my male friends and start hanging out with them.

And start planning for a different relationship/life.
wild jade is online now  
post #87 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 01:31 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,238
Re: Husband's double dates

Quote:
Originally Posted by newme2017 View Post
I don't want him to lose his friends. I don't have a problem with them being friends, he has other women friends that i have no issue with because i am always part of the mix. There's one woman in the mix that i think is the real issue, i think she may have had or has a thing for my husband. I would like to go, and i look at it this way- if they don't want me there, and aren't enjoying it because i'm there, they'll stop doing these dinners and then problem solved for me either way. Even though i know they probably don't want me there, if that's how they feel then i don't feel bad ruining it for them. Cause what they're doing is wrong if they don't respect me or my marriage. It's hard cause i really don't know who is the one really pushing the just the 4 of us thing, i really don't think it's coming from my husband, i think he's going along with them. Because this isn't an issue with any one else in our lives. I think 1 or 2 of them came up with this "just us" thing and he won't say she comes or we don't do this anymore. No skin off my nose if they don't go out anymore because of me. I'm not saying they can't be friends, i'm just saying you can't go out with my husband. Two very different things!
"It's hard cause i really don't know who is the one really pushing the just the 4 of us thing, i really don't think it's coming from my husband, i think he's going along with them" - you are wrong. You husband has 100% responsibility here. None of those other people owe you anything. They do not even have to respect your marriage. It is your husband who married you. He is the one who made serious vows/promises to you. He is the one who is showing you huge disrespect.

Your entire point of view seems to be that your husband is a weak, pathetic person who is completely controlled by other people and thus not really responsible for his actions. And this attitude is why he gets away with treating you so poorly. You make excuses for him and you allow it. Basically y our self esteem is so low that that you make excuses for his bad behavior.

Last edited by EleGirl; 03-18-2017 at 02:10 PM.
EleGirl is online now  
post #88 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 02:00 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 521
I don't want to give people the wrong impression. he's not telling me he's going out on a date and it's supposed to be romantic with them. But to me it "looks" like a double date, because it's 2 men and 2 women and they dress nicely and they go to a nice place and have drinks and dinner, so to me that's what i call it. He obviously doesn't call it that- he says he's getting together with his friends.
Jessica38 is online now  
post #89 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 02:05 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 521
It doesn't matter what HE calls it- what he's doing is "dating" when he takes other women out to dinner and doesn't want his wife around.

And the previous poster was right about toxic friends to your marriage- anyone who doesn't want you around shouldn't be hanging out w your husband.

Your husband sounds like he doesn't understand what it means to be married and treat his wife with extraordinary care and put her above all others. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
Jessica38 is online now  
post #90 of 95 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 02:09 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,238
Re: Husband's double dates

Jessica, you might want to put that quote of the OP in your second post with the [quote] tags around it. That way it won't look like you are really the OP under another name.
EleGirl is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn Good Guy Sex in Marriage 370 04-05-2017 01:35 PM
Ban husbands! tech-novelist Politics and Religion 55 02-15-2017 09:13 AM
I wonder how many husbands and wives have posted here together without even knowing Mr.StrongMan General Relationship Discussion 23 02-10-2017 06:29 PM
Double standard of when wife claims she is just a sex object? badsanta Sex in Marriage 462 09-06-2016 08:22 AM
Husband's Family Hates Me HisQueen2008 New Member Forum - Introduce Yourself! 3 03-31-2016 07:15 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome