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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 04:36 AM
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Re: Unsure of when to confront cheater

Googl serial cheaters. Thoughts of reconciliation are misplaced.

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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 06:37 AM
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Cool Re: Unsure of when to confront cheater

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Talk to a lawyer right away. Get your legal ducks in a row, ready to go after she finishes her last final exam of the semester.

As to confrontation, it depends on your goal.

The train has left the station as far as preventing an affair. If you want to kill an affair to save the marriage, you would confront after you have gathered proof positive of the affair. Then you expose widely for the purpose of making the affair very uncomfortable to continue. This, hopefully, would remove a major obstacle to reconciliation.

But if your intent is to divorce, there is no reason to have a big confrontation. She knows she's cheated numerous times. You know she's cheated. All you have to say is "I know you've been cheating and here are the divorce papers". You can use the threat of exposure as a lever to get her to cooperate in the divorce process. Not blackmail though. As long as she doesn't lie about you, doesn't ask for ridiculous property settlements, etc, you have no reason to out her affairs to the world. Offer her a fair settlement which she can sign off on, and in return you don't go scorched earth on her.
The only part that I really take exception to here is that the cheater should definitely be "outed," not as much for being the unequivocal "cheater" that they have so aptly demonstrated themselves to be; but for being the universal, consummate "liar" that they have so grossly represented themselves to be, in the eyes of the world, inclusive of family, mutual friends, church, and the public in general!

After all, since they obviously had no real problem in systematically and covertly stabbing their BS in the back with a serrated knife in their ultimate betrayal of their mutual marriage vows; then why on earth shouldn't "turnabout" in outing them be fair play?

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 03-19-2017 at 06:41 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 07:33 AM
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Re: Unsure of when to confront cheater

I'm sorry but I wouldn't wait. Why torture yourself until June? Her degree is NOT your problem and educated or not once you leave her she is going to try and get as much money from you that she can. And she can. Respect yourself. She doesn't deserve it anymore. Save the evidence, get YOUR affairs n order, STI tests, and DNA for the kids, tell the other man's wife, then leave her point blank. Don't waste another damn day of your life loving that wretched woman.
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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old Today, 08:43 AM
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Re: Unsure of when to confront cheater

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... and what's even worse, @AtMyEnd ~ is that even though these texts were effectively caught in time, the implicit aura of trust between the two of you will never ever quite be the same again, with you constantly looking over your shoulder from here on out!
That's been the hardest part about all this so far, the feeling that I don't trust her like I used to. Things have gotten better over the last month, from what I can see she hasn't had any further contact with him, and her whereabouts and who she's with when she goes out is always confirmed. There have been a few little things that have happened, like she's testing me and trying to get me to admit that I'm spying on her and watching her every move, but I haven't admitted to anything and the things she's accused me of doing I've actually been able to prove her wrong, even though she still says she doesn't believe I'm not spying on her.

The strangest thing about how I've been feeling though, is I recently dug up and learned a lot more about the man who texted her. I found out his last name, address, what school he teaches at, that he recently got married 2 years ago, his wife's name, his wife's Facebook and Twitter account information and even the odd coincidence that his wife is the sister of an old friend of mine from high school, lol.
Now being that all I ever saw was the one text from him and that there's nothing I've found that says there ever was anything more than that, I don't feel I should contact his wife over the one text. But it is comforting to know that I have all this information, and if I ever find anything else to prove something did in fact happen or if he sends another text like he sent, I can make his world imploded within a matter of minutes with just a few emails to his wife, the school board, the PTA and Facebook posts to his wife's account, the school districts page, the parents association page, and wherever else I can think of, lol.

I have settled down emotionally since all this happened and I don't feel it's right to ruin his life and in turn piss my wife off that I did and make my relationship bad again all over one text that he sent. But yes, if it happens again or if I uncover other information it's open season on making his life a living hell, lol
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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old Today, 08:59 AM
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Re: Unsure of when to confront cheater

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That's been the hardest part about all this so far, the feeling that I don't trust her like I used to. Things have gotten better over the last month, from what I can see she hasn't had any further contact with him, and her whereabouts and who she's with when she goes out is always confirmed. There have been a few little things that have happened, like she's testing me and trying to get me to admit that I'm spying on her and watching her every move, but I haven't admitted to anything and the things she's accused me of doing I've actually been able to prove her wrong, even though she still says she doesn't believe I'm not spying on her.

The strangest thing about how I've been feeling though, is I recently dug up and learned a lot more about the man who texted her. I found out his last name, address, what school he teaches at, that he recently got married 2 years ago, his wife's name, his wife's Facebook and Twitter account information and even the odd coincidence that his wife is the sister of an old friend of mine from high school, lol.
Now being that all I ever saw was the one text from him and that there's nothing I've found that says there ever was anything more than that, I don't feel I should contact his wife over the one text. But it is comforting to know that I have all this information, and if I ever find anything else to prove something did in fact happen or if he sends another text like he sent, I can make his world imploded within a matter of minutes with just a few emails to his wife, the school board, the PTA and Facebook posts to his wife's account, the school districts page, the parents association page, and wherever else I can think of, lol.

I have settled down emotionally since all this happened and I don't feel it's right to ruin his life and in turn piss my wife off that I did and make my relationship bad again all over one text that he sent. But yes, if it happens again or if I uncover other information it's open season on making his life a living hell, lol
Maybe, you just don't care that some other dude is banging your wife, and you are more bothered by the lies.
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