Should husband apologize? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 11:58 AM Thread Starter
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Should husband apologize?

Let's say that the following hypothetically unfolded:

Husband and Wife enjoy jumping out and scaring one another at random times. Husband jumps out and scares wife, who proceeds to be very scared and shouts, F*** YOU, F*** YOU, F*** You for the next few minutes. Then wife goes into silent mode for the next day. Husband tries to conform wife, tell her he loves her, but is only met with silence.

Wife sleeps in different room that night and then accuses husband over text of cheating on her. Send some random photo from LinkedIn of a girl to husband on his 1000+ connections. Husband is speechless and tells wife there's nobody but her he wants in his life.

Next day at night, Husband tries to talk to wife, but wife ignores him and puts her earbuds in while he is talking. Husband then says, "Stop acting like a spoiled rotten brat!" unplugs ear buds from phone and asks if they can talk. Wife puts ear buds back in and says wife doesn’t need Husband for anything. Husband walks away and says, stop acting like a B****. Wife proceeds to take ring off and throw it at him, and tell him she wants divorce. Wife blocks Husband on FB messenger.

Husband wasn't angry... just frustrated that Wife wouldn't talk to him and disrespect him with putting ear buds in and turning on music to block him out.

Obviously husband shouldn't call names... but should he apologize?

Mind you, this is strictly a hypothetical situation

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post #2 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:04 PM
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Re: Should husband apologize?

Husband should apologize for what he did wrong. Wife should apologize for what she did wrong.


Why does the wife think the husband is cheating. Does she have a big jealous streak?
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post #3 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:06 PM
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Re: Should husband apologize?

Quite the escalation from just a jump out and scare routine. By all means you should apologize for calling names as that behavior is unacceptable (although her actions are also quite questionable). Does she normally throw her rings and threaten divorce? That would be hard for me to deal with. By nature, temperment and professional life, I require truth. Saying that one wants a divorce, at least to me, would send me to my lawyer.
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post #4 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:14 PM
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Re: Should husband apologize?

Wife is passive aggressive. When wife does her PA ****, husband needs to do the 180 on her. Is the wife reliant on husband for anything? Financials?
Since the scaring games have now backfired, husband needs to stop doing it.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #5 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:17 PM
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Re: Should husband apologize?

I think that the reason that the scaring games blew up like this is that the wife was festering on the thought that the husband was cheating, or at least being inappropriate with another woman. The big scare brought that to the surface.
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post #6 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:19 PM
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Re: Should husband apologize?

Goodness talk about escalation gone wild. How some small like that could be blown out of proportion that much is really sad. They both obviously did things that need to be apologized for. Maybe there needs to be some ground rules in their "scare me" game?

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #7 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:20 PM
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Re: Should husband apologize?

I would love to know the wife's side of the story. There's a cultural difference here as well.

It's never really about what started the fight; it's always the under lying issues.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."

Last edited by tropicalbeachiwish; 03-17-2017 at 12:35 PM. Reason: add
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post #8 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:25 PM
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post #9 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:37 PM
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Re: Should husband apologize?

Both should apologize. Passive aggressive wife likely will not but shouldn't stop husband for apologizing for the scare and the name calling. However, husband should have stopped after wife put earbuds in the second time. Straight 180, should not reward her ****ty behavior. Similarly husband should have responded to wife that if she wants to address concerns about cheating he is more than happy to do so with a proper adult conversation, not over texts like teenagers.
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post #10 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:38 PM
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Re: Should husband apologize?

Quote:
Originally Posted by urf View Post
grow up.
I second that thought. And to echo what most people are saying, does she suspect that you have been messing around?
What brings about an accusation of that nature, when you were doing something that is frankly puerile?

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post #11 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:58 PM
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Re: Should husband apologize?

H should apologize. W needs to address her passive aggressive behavior.

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post #12 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should husband apologize?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
Both should apologize. Passive aggressive wife likely will not but shouldn't stop husband for apologizing for the scare and the name calling. However, husband should have stopped after wife put earbuds in the second time. Straight 180, should not reward her ****ty behavior. Similarly husband should have responded to wife that if she wants to address concerns about cheating he is more than happy to do so with a proper adult conversation, not over texts like teenagers.
This.

Husband did apologize and was trying to talk about the accussations of cheating, when the ear buds went in.

Unfortunately, Husband is reaching the end of his passive acceptance to the childish behavior.
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post #13 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:00 PM
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Re: Should husband apologize?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrNightly View Post
Obviously husband shouldn't call names... but should he apologize?
Whatever she is hypothetically upset about is not going to hypothetically go away with a simple apology which is WHY she is so hypothetically upset.
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post #14 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should husband apologize?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tropicalbeachiwish View Post
I would love to know the wife's side of the story. There's a cultural difference here as well.

It's never really about what started the fight; it's always the under lying issues.
Yes, this is the truth.

Most likely, Wife was feeling upset about Husband having a work conversation with a woman. Husband runs a business and occassionally has to deal with women. Wife is rather jealous apparently.

The bad part, is that Wife will never just have a normal conversation and instead turns it into a fight when she has bad thoughts. There is a very large problem with emotional maturity with Wife.

(Forgive my Wife/Husband style today... I'm pretty unnerved after the this last eposide.... I truly thought when she said she wouldn't do this anymore, she wouldn't do it!!!)
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post #15 of 33 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should husband apologize?

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
Whatever she is hypothetically upset about is not going to hypothetically go away with a simple apology which is WHY she is so hypothetically upset.
Agreed.

However, when the response to her upsetness is to name call, throw insults and be rude, and then regress into silence, it is impossible to get to the bottom of anything!

I shouldn't have called her a B**** last night. I know that was an emotional outburst that should have just been better served by walking away.
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