Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Edging slowly closer to the frozen tundra
Re: Wife does not see this as bad
It won't be easy, but I'd say get over it.
Most of the people we get intimate with are people we meet in daily life. And, since we tend to be repeat visitors at the same places, the intimate partners we have will likely have interacted with other people at the same places we go.
I got a (to me) disgusting example of how bad it can get...25 years ago I attended an "America Online Party", held at a large nightspot in Denver. The younger chap who'd introduced me to America Online had told me it was happening. We walked in, I'd say there were 200 people there. He gazed around and mused "I honestly can't see a woman here who I haven't been to bed with yet". My instinctive reaction was "baloney" and then "eww"...and then as I saw women interacting with him I realized that they treated him as a major hunk...he did look like Brad Pitt but without the low-IQ low brow. The only woman I chose to interact was the only one NOT showing extreme interest in him. And she turned out to be his younger sister. We ended up going out for coffee and while it could have gone somewhere, she was about 15 years younger than me and it already felt like she needed a dad - not what I was after.
On a more normal scale, though...I met my wife where I worked. We had both been there 15 years. The building had 1500 people in it. I lived close to the facility and so did she...and so did many other employees. So, if I dated a woman I met near my neighborhood, chances were high that she worked at the same place I did...such was true, of course, for my to-be-wife. So, in this case, it wasn't icky - but it was certainly the case that both of us had been intimate with other people who worked at the same place, and it really didn't take much to notice which other guys had some of the characteristics that she liked about me, and who seemed to express a familiarity with her. And I'm sure she found it the same.
So...it's just a natural outcome of the way humans tend to socialize from those activities we do most often.
Now, if it's something you want to never experience - keep your virginity until you marry and insist you'll only marry someone who does the same.
There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie