General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
The loneliest I've ever been was when my husband and I were having problems. I felt like I was living with a total stranger and I didn't have anyone to talk to about it.
I hope things get better for you soon. Are you seeing a counselor or anything to work on your issues?
Yes, I lived with a husband who made me feel this way for almost 10 years. It is worse than being alone; that I can handle. I watched the man I loved, more than anyone in this world, lose his body, mind, job, and sanity to alcoholism. It was a living hell. It was a train wreck in slow motion.
Is there anything we can do to help you or support you? You sound lonely and hurting to me.
We tried seeing a counselor, but it was a total disaster. Don't know if it was the counselor or us. I would get very frustrated because my husband would talk the talk in counseling, but never seemed to take anything home. Plus, he'd spend most of the session crying. He also did counseling alone, but declared himself "fixed" after a few months. He's still the same. Very codependent, has issues with his mother he needs to deal with. I've posted my story on here before, just thinking about the loneliness of it all tonight.
My husband pulls the silent treatment whenever I bring up something he is uncomfortable talking about, which is pretty much anything serious, or anything about our marriage.
I'm looking at leaving soon because things haven't changed and I've given him the ultimatums already.
We tried seeing a counselor, but it was a total disaster. Don't know if it was the counselor or us. I would get very frustrated because my husband would talk the talk in counseling, but never seemed to take anything home. Plus, he'd spend most of the session crying. He also did counseling alone, but declared himself "fixed" after a few months. He's still the same. Very codependent, has issues with his mother he needs to deal with. I've posted my story on here before, just thinking about the loneliness of it all tonight.
My husband pulls the silent treatment whenever I bring up something he is uncomfortable talking about, which is pretty much anything serious, or anything about our marriage.
I'm looking at leaving soon because things haven't changed and I've given him the ultimatums already.
I'm sorry to hear that counseling didn't work and that he won't talk to you about the issues in your marriage. Hope leaving doesn't end up being your only option but if it is it sounds like you've done more than your share to try to fix things.
my husband would talk the talk in counseling, but never seemed to take anything home.
My husband pulls the silent treatment whenever I bring up something he is uncomfortable talking about, which is pretty much anything serious, or anything about our marriage.
I lived with this nonsense. We would go into a counseling session, and hubs would act all innocent and pure; kinda like, "What do you mean?" After about four sessions, the counselor pronounced, "We now have to discuss your drinking, C." Guess what? Hubs claimed to have after-work meetings the next three sessions. Bull. He worked for the federal government - they don't have overtime anything, unless it is happy hour!
Everything - my feelings, his feelings, his addiction, my cancer, our marriage issues - it was ALL off the table.
When a partner declares, aloud or silently, that all discussions are off the table, get ready to pack it in and leave. I did. We are now 2,700 miles apart. He got sober. I got sane. I doubt we'll ever cohabitate again, due to his inability (it seems that way to me) to discuss issues. I can't live with someone whose trump card is fear of feelings.
If you can't talk about issues - your's, his, or both - then you don't have a marriage. It just boils down to being all about appearances, and some people can live with that nonsense. I cannot.
I hear that, I think the worst part is when someone will absolutely not communicate with you about anything of importance despite your repeated efforts. After years of no answers you start to wonder who is this person?
Well, I've tried giving him ultimatums, but - when EVERY topic is off the table, it's hard to even tell him those things. I finally went out and asked him why he hadn't talked to me all day, and - of course - he blames me for that. I came home from Christmas break to find a letter in the mail that my insurance is dropping me. I've been a little depressed all day about it, but instead of him comforting me, he has ignored me more and more. When I bring that up, he says that I just make everything his fault and he's tired of the bit*****. I don't know how else to make him understand. I've tried his game of ignoring things. I haven't brought ANYTHING up for at least a month until yesterday. If you don't deal with problems, how do they ever get better????? You can't ignore everything, especially when it's hurting your entire relationship.
I've told him I'm leaving in January. He says "that's fine. I told you to do whatever you want." Then he throws a fit and start stomping and throwing things around. Now that I brought that up again, I will continue to get the silent treatment for at least another day or two.
I hope you leave. He's very immature and not husband material. It's emotional abuse, what he's doing to you...and you deserve better.
Thank you. I agree. It's just hard to go through the leaving process. And it's hard when I know that he will do everything in his power to make me feel bad about it. I can already tell you he will cry and go into a depression when I leave and probably call and text me constantly. That way, it is all my fault for hurting him. He'll play on my emotions that way. And, he usually likes to say, "I thought you would never divorce me". But, this is not a marriage and I've been on here for a year now saying this. I guess I tried to give it time, but a year later, we are still in the same boat.
Not alone, but lonely 
