I'm so confused......... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 06:35 PM Thread Starter
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I'm so confused.........

Hi there my names Josh a 29 year old male of 2 beautiful girls and a husband of my wife 28 yrs old. This all comes because I am so unhappy with my current state of being. I was with my wife since high school so like 12 years and we've been married for 3. I don't even know where to begin because I know some people's marriages are way worse than mine but I feel so empty on the inside and so much anger towards her because she has absolutely no ambition towards anything. In 12 years she has made a total of maybe 40000 and constantly jumping from job to job due a different excuse every time. This obviously makes a hardship in our relationship because I've always made money nothing crazy but a constant 50000 a year and always pay all the bills and car maintenance and all the responsibilities that is needed for everyday living and that's fine but.......more recently I've been seeing a very nasty change in her and It's starting to come off on my children and I would have left a while ago but the two girls are my world and I can even fathom leaving but I really despise her but I don't wanna lose them and I feel like my happiness is not worth hurting them cause it would crush them. I'm gonna be 30 this year and would like to make a house purchase but I feel like I cannot do this with her as I cannot trust her. My wife spends all day playing slots on her phone and when I mean all day it's I never see her with her phone done she falls asleep with it in her hand and that has an affect on our relationship cause I feel like if she can commit such a dedication to a phone game why not put that commitment to our future. Our sex life is absolutely horrible and I couldn't even care less honestly. I love my kids and i never would want to hurt them I would die for them but I feel like my wife if not a life partner. I am successful but I feel like I'm constantly drowning being with her. I always respected the motto if it's broken fix it don't throw it away and I feel like the temptations and pleasures that everyday life can throw at us, we react to quickly to throw it away. My father is a pos and my mom divorced him and he could care less about me or my family I have a wonderful mom and she keeps urges me to try to make it work but my heart is racing just writhing this. My kids I know look up to me and I could never imagine being away from them, I'm not looking for a single life or sex or riches or anything that people seem to get divorced for now a days I just want my kids to get the most they can from me and I feel like I can't do I the state of mind I've been in for a while....I could keep going but I'll leave it up to yous... thanx for any help you could offer

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 06:47 PM
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Re: I'm so confused.........

Welcome to TAM, but sorry you have this awful situation to figure out.

How old are your children?

You have only been married for 3 years. Has she ever been different than what you describe?

I think that the first think you need to do is take care of yourself. I mean doing things that make you feel better and stronger emotionally. What sort of things do you do? Do you have any hobbies or sports? Do you work out?

You also might want to start doing things with your children on your own. What sort of things do you do with them right now?

Does your wife do things like clean house, cook, shop, etc?
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 07:01 PM
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Re: I'm so confused.........

Was she liked this before you married her?
Have you told her how unhappy you are? If you haven't, then tell her and ask her to go to MC with you.
Does she care for the children all day?
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 07:09 PM Thread Starter
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My kids are 5 and 8 and I will do anything with them that they would like to do I just enrolled them in soccer and softball and they do cheerleading and Girl Scouts with their mother but as far as hobbies I used to golf and fish and hunt but I've lost all interest in everything I used to love due to my constant feeling of depression and honestly for things to get done I have to complain I work 12 hr shifts and I'm away from home for 14 hrs on the days I work which is a couple days a week. She was working for 4 hrs a day and I couldn't get even a sandwich to go to work with and I ask my kids what they had for dinner and it's garbage all the time the only time it seems they get a home cooked meal is when I'm home it's extremely infuriating.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 07:15 PM Thread Starter
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I've tried talking to her but it's always why are always complaining about me your mr perfect ya know. I understand that I'm by know means perfect but I try telling her I'm always trying to improve myself and the things we argue about her not doing has been the same this day in and day out, for years now and I honestly can say I feel it will never change.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 10:12 PM
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Re: I'm so confused.........

Half the kids in America come from divorced parents and they do just fine. You will get visitation rights and by the sound of it, your wife is going to be happy to be very generous in letting you take the kids for a long time. Buying a house is not a good idea right now. She would be entitled to half of it and either have to sell it or one of you has to buy out the other. You can end up paying 1 1/2 times the cost of the house if you want it or at least pay the mortgage for a very long time. Could be years depending on what State you live in.

Many think they should stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the kids. That is wrong thinking. First off you will be unhappy and secondly your kids will sense it and when they get married the only role models they will have are you and your wife. If that is dysfunctional, you are not setting a good example of married life for them. My parents are married for life. They argued and fought but divorce was never an option. As a result they worked things out. They just turned 90 and still married almost almost 70 years. I am married for life despite the occasional bumps in the road that affects all marriages. I learned from my parents. What will your kids learn from you when you and your wife are fighting all the time and do not show love in your marriage?

My wife's best friend lived with us for most of our marriage (we had no kids). Once when I told her that I love her, she cried. I asked why are you crying and she said that her parents never showed loved to each other or their children and this is the first time someone told her that he loves her. My niece is a product of my sister and her husband staying together for the sake of the children. She is 32, unmarried and just got pregnant. She was engaged twice and dumped by her fiancee both times because they could not live with her. She did not know what real love was like. She is a very pretty girl too.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 03-19-2017 at 01:36 PM.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 10:46 PM
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Re: I'm so confused.........

She won't change until she has to.
Figure out a way to force her to change. If it takes divorcing, that's not the end of the world. Sounds like she's a dud. But was she a dud when you married her? If so, why complain now?
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 12:40 AM
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Re: I'm so confused.........

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skinwalker24 View Post
My kids are 5 and 8 and I will do anything with them that they would like to do I just enrolled them in soccer and softball and they do cheerleading and Girl Scouts with their mother but as far as hobbies I used to golf and fish and hunt but I've lost all interest in everything I used to love due to my constant feeling of depression and honestly for things to get done I have to complain I work 12 hr shifts and I'm away from home for 14 hrs on the days I work which is a couple days a week. She was working for 4 hrs a day and I couldn't get even a sandwich to go to work with and I ask my kids what they had for dinner and it's garbage all the time the only time it seems they get a home cooked meal is when I'm home it's extremely infuriating.
To clarify, do you work two days a week for 14 hours each of those two days?
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 12:42 AM
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Re: I'm so confused.........

What kind of things does she feed them?
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 01:09 PM
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Re: I'm so confused.........

You are doing your children no favors by staying with someone you dont want to be with. Unhappy parents can be toxic, kids pick up on things and you have no idea. They know happy from unhappy. If you are really this miserable with her, then divorce her.


Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 02:11 PM
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Re: I'm so confused.........

So, you don't want to leave... but you say that you simply don't care anymore. But you're unhappy in the marriage.

So what do you want? Do you want help/advice to fix the marriage, or help/advice on how to end it? Or do you now know what to do, and what our help to figure what to do?

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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