So angry at husband! - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 116Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:27 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 144
Re: So angry at husband!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
Be aware that your failure to go watch his team play soccer may have him feeling like you're a fair-weather friend on this issue. His perspective might be that "When I was having a great year, she wanted to come watch. But now that I'm struggling, she can't be bothered." He may be feeling very abandoned and unsupported - as if you only have time for him and his interests when he's shining. Many people want their spouse to support them and engage with them on things that are important to them even when it's not going well, perhaps even more when it's not going well.
I know he's feeling that way, but I have a day too and I straight up can't waste it watching him sit there. I don't enjoy it. It's not about abandoning him because he's struggling. He's not struggling. He's refusing to speak up and it's his approach (not his performance) I don't support. It's the lack of confrontation with his team and coaches I don't respect. I find myself getting lippy at them in his defense when I DO watch which is why I don't go now. I was OK with defending him at first, but it's been an entire season. I'm over it. He needs to controlt he issue himself. He can't have his wife telling off his coaches.

UnicornCupcake is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:14 PM
Member
 
Blacksmith01's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,420
Re: So angry at husband!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
, but it was like it was a CHORE. Like I was such a bother.
How much of this was real and how much was just in your head? I'm sorry but you all need to learn to talk and get your perspective across to each other. Active listening is another good tool to have. Also tell him that it not the fact that he is warming the bench but that you feel he needs to speak up. If it continues you might start seeing him as weak and lose respect for him.

Last edited by Blacksmith01; 03-20-2017 at 12:21 PM.
Blacksmith01 is offline  
post #33 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:28 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 144
Re: So angry at husband!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blacksmith01 View Post
How much of this was real and how much was just in your head? I'm sorry but you all need to learn to talk and get your perspective across to each other. Active listening is another good tool to have. Also tell him that it not the fact that he is warming the bench but that you feel he needs to speak up. If it continues you might start seeing him as weak and lose respect for him.
Trust me, I SPEAK up. Verbatim:

"I don't liek watching you play anymore because you spend too much time sitting and I don't think it's right your coaches are using you as a body while they prepare another team. I think you need to say something or be like the other players and refrain from attending for awhile."

My feeligns were communicated. It's no surprsie to him how I feel.
UnicornCupcake is offline  
 
post #34 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:05 PM
Member
 
Blacksmith01's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,420
Re: So angry at husband!

Ok I see what you said and how it was said. I'll tell you if you were my GF I would do the opposite of what you wanted or kick you to the curb for being disrespectful like that. You could have said it with a bit more tact.
Blacksmith01 is offline  
post #35 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:32 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,304
So angry at husband!

Wow. I just reread all your threads.

You are a stay at home wife, or part time. You have low desire for grooming. Husband earns the money, comes home tired, is stressed about the house buyer and money. You pleasure yourself often and complain about lack of anal and cum shots.

If your husband was playing you would find the time to watch. So the problem is not lack of time, it's you think he is a wimp and don't want to look at him.

So, how do you show your husband love? What is his Love Language? Do you know?
225985 is offline  
post #36 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:28 PM
Member
 
Vinnydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 634
Re: So angry at husband!

I cannot imagine not putting my wife first. I have quit jobs and moved for her. We are in our mid sixties and boy oh boy do you need someone who has your back. My wife had a hip replacement and had to stay in bed for 3 months and then still needed care for another 3. I had surgery and my wife took care of me too. We take care of each other and put each other and our marriage above all else. I have always assumed that most husbands were like me but after reading posts on this website and seeing what spouses put up with year after years, I can now understand why the divorce rate is 50%.

As far as I am concerned, a husband that does not put his wife first cannot be that much in love with her. Sorry but that is my opinion. My wife and I put each other first even if it means giving up something or doing something we do not personally like. We want the other to be happy and as my wife tells me, she loves me because I make her feel desirable, attractive, protected, well provided for and safe. I have her back and she has mine. 44 years of putting our marriage first.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
Vinnydee is online now  
post #37 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 02:07 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 80
Re: So angry at husband!

I think both of you handled this issue immaturely.
emmasmith is offline  
post #38 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 05:30 AM
Member
 
happy as a clam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,455
Re: So angry at husband!

OP, you have very strong opinions and would probably benefit tremendously from a few sessions with a communications coach. Its not so much the message, but your delivery of that message is emasculating your husband. And quite frankly, it's probably pissing him off. So he doesn't much care about helping with your car. Or your opinion of his soccer skills.

"Love is chemicals masquerading as choices!"
~ Sandfly

Last edited by happy as a clam; 03-21-2017 at 05:38 AM.
happy as a clam is offline  
post #39 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 05:44 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,116
Re: So angry at husband!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
I'll address 2 things first:

1. Concerning me not valuing his sport.
No. We both play competitively and devote 3 evenings/week to the game. My issue with his ONE team is that THEY aren't valuing HIM. He shouldn't be sitting on the bench and I told him I can't watch under those circumstances. He needs to speak up, tell his coach that he's too good of a player to sit. His club is basically trying to make another team (of a lower division) so they're running all the trials with the current team at HIS (and other players) expense. He's one of the few starting players that's still showing up to these practices/exhibitions. The majority of them have told their coaches that they don't come to sit. That's what I honestly feel he should be doing. Otherwise, they're going to think they can take advantage of him. So yes, I'm currently not valuing his place on this team under the current dynamic and he knows things have changed and he's not seeing the field much. It's not that I don't value his choice to play as a whole. I was flabbergasted he didn't respect my approach (that I think he's too good to ride the bench) and went off that I expected a safe escort to prioritize over a stupid practice.

2. Getting a new car
I've told him for about a YEAR that we need to start budgeting for a new car. We have one brand new car. However, we both have very different approaches concerning cars and it's caused a source of drama before. In sum, I believe in taking no more than 3 years to finance a car. After that, you own it. It's an asset. As soon as the car requires the same or more money to get it fixed as it would to finance a new one it's time to realize that car has no value and move on. He doesn't agree and he drove his last car to the ground, got stuck with no money saved and ended getting a new one he didn't even want on MY MOTHER'S CREDIT - NOT HIS. He's been sensitive about this since it happened and he's actually lied to people that he didn't need a co signer when he did. His whole family is like this. Half of them don't own cars and his father just got one on a TEN year finance. That car will have no value in 7 and he'll be paying it off for another 3. That makes no sense to me. My car not starting was the universe's way of saying I was right... My car is going to need attention. He seems to think it has years left. He didn't want to acknowledge it was a big deal because that would be acknowledging I was right. He HATES letting it be known I was right. IMO, this is the underlying reason as to why he didn't want to help. It just opened too many old wounds concerning his pride, his family's approach to finances (another source of drama between us), etc.
The bolded is a red flag, UC.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #40 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 07:10 AM
Member
 
Daisy12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 243
Re: So angry at husband!

Why does it concern you so much If your husband is just sitting on the bench? If your husband is still enjoying his time being there and he has no problem with it, why do you? It's not you sitting there, and frankly if it makes your husband happy, just be supportive and be happy for him.

Talking negatively about an activity he does and enjoys probably makes him feel bad, or makes him feel like you are ashamed he sits on the bench, especially since you told him you won't watch him play cause he only sits on the beach. That comment must have hurt him. Your husband is a grown man, if he has no problem with what is happening, than you should just keep your opinions to yourself.

Makes me remember what my grade 6 teacher once told us, " Not every thought, feeling or concern needs to be expressed. Think before you talk because what's important today might not be so important tommorow. "

It amazes me how mean people can be to the one they say they love. Not directing this comment at OP, but just in general. It's sad really. :-(

Sent from my D2206 using Tapatalk

Daisy12 is offline  
post #41 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 07:44 AM
Member
 
badsanta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Southpole!
Posts: 3,168
Re: So angry at husband!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy12 View Post
Makes me remember what my grade 6 teacher once told us, " Not every thought, feeling or concern needs to be expressed. Think before you talk because what's important today might not be so important tommorow. "

It amazes me how mean people can be to the one they say they love. Not directing this comment at OP, but just in general. It's sad really. :-(
I remember sitting at a restaurant and I was eating alone. At the table next to me was this very old lady and she was in a very passionate discussion about how the younger generation of people had absolutely zero respect for anyone and were always saying such horrible things. This lady was just ripping the younger generation apart and saying rather vile and nasty things about younger people. She wished everyone was more like her generation.

I so wanted to stop by her table and tell her that while I agreed with everything she said, that I was raised by my great grandmother who came generations before her. The generation that grew up in the great depression was raised to believe that unless you have something good to say, it is better to just not say anything at all. Of course I never stopped by that lady's table, because I today try to live by those words taught to me by my great grandmother (although I admit I am not perfect at it, nor was my great grandmother for that matter!).

Sincerely,
Badsanta
badsanta is offline  
post #42 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 08:57 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 20,116
Re: So angry at husband!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy12 View Post
Why does it concern you so much If your husband is just sitting on the bench? If your husband is still enjoying his time being there and he has no problem with it, why do you? It's not you sitting there, and frankly if it makes your husband happy, just be supportive and be happy for him.

Talking negatively about an activity he does and enjoys probably makes him feel bad, or makes him feel like you are ashamed he sits on the bench, especially since you told him you won't watch him play cause he only sits on the beach. That comment must have hurt him. Your husband is a grown man, if he has no problem with what is happening, than you should just keep your opinions to yourself.

Makes me remember what my grade 6 teacher once told us, " Not every thought, feeling or concern needs to be expressed. Think before you talk because what's important today might not be so important tommorow. "

It amazes me how mean people can be to the one they say they love. Not directing this comment at OP, but just in general. It's sad really. :-(

Sent from my D2206 using Tapatalk
I completely disagree. Transparency is very important in marriage.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #43 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:04 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,843
Re: So angry at husband!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
I completely disagree. Transparency is very important in marriage.
Sometimes knowing when to keep your mouth shut can be a good thing.Nobody would accuse the op of diplomacy that's for sure.
Andy1001 is offline  
post #44 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:11 AM
Member
 
ButtPunch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,610
Re: So angry at husband!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
Sometimes knowing when to keep your mouth shut can be a good thing.Nobody would accuse the op of diplomacy that's for sure.
Husband.....You have gotten fatter than a hippo.

Wife.......That hurts my feelings.

Husband.....Transparency is good for a marriage.

ButtPunch is offline  
post #45 of 52 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:13 AM
Member
 
Daisy12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 243
Re: So angry at husband!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
I completely disagree. Transparency is very important in marriage.
Well if being transparent in a marriage is hurting your spouse with comments that are unessesary and hurtful that serve no really purpose, than I guess I have to disagree that transparency in a marriage is not for me.

My husband loves to play video games, me I think they are a waste of time and stupid. Why would I tell him that they are stupid and a waste of time.? He doesn't play them excessively, they are not hurting me or cutting into our family time. The only thing that will be accomplished is saying that is to upset and angry my husband. I keep this opinion to myself.

If they were to become a problem I would address it with my husband, but I still would not express my above feelings Because how I personally feel about playing video games is not as important as my husband’s happiness and if he wants to spend his free time playing them, well it's not hurting me. If video games started to invade our personal /family time, I would address that issue , not my personal opinion about them.



Sent from my D2206 using Tapatalk
Daisy12 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Fiancés mum takes half of his finances Epifany Financial Problems in Marriage 55 11-15-2016 09:16 AM
My husband hear things or I have mental disorder... I need serious help! 1123gh Considering Divorce or Separation 16 09-22-2016 08:55 PM
Husband at bachelor party mariemount12 General Relationship Discussion 188 06-17-2016 02:59 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome