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post #31 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 06:57 PM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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I guess I feel whomever is upset should have the "right" to the bed.
Lol, no room for abuse there. 🤣


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post #32 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 01:22 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

I've always thought the 'ordering' H to sleep on the couch was immature and weird too.
Surprisingly (to me) my husband will sometimes sleep downstairs when he feels upset with me. It usually feels like a punishment because I would never tell him to sleep on the couch for any reason. I love him to be in bed with me too much.

Funny story about the doghouse though, when we were much younger he got drunk at a party we were at a friend's house. He thought I was upset at him for drinking so much so he crawled into their doghouse.
Funny guy!
We laugh about that now.
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post #33 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 03:00 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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My husband slept on the couch LAST night.
I told him I didn't want to be sleeping beside him this night and I didn't expect him to be chivalrous or man enough to offer up the bed so I nestled my damn self on the sofa. Of course, once I'm all established he insists I take the bed.

Personally, I think men should sleep on the couch if they're in the "doghouse," but I think women should be sent there or offer to go just as equally. I guess I feel whomever is upset should have the "right" to the bed. It's hard to determine that, though...
Maybe if you weren't so far up your own ass you would realise how ridiculous you sound.
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post #34 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 03:42 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

I think a gentleman will go to the couch if his wife asks him to.

Refusing, or telling her to sleep on the couch, is a real sign of boorishness, imo.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #35 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 03:45 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

I don't know exactly about rights in terms of sleeping on various furniture pieces...but it has happened a few times that I'd go and sleep in a spare bedroom after an argument (my own choice). I don't like doing it but when the atmosphere is tense, it's better to give each other space to cool down. My wife has also left one or two times but we usually sort things out on the night. Neither of us have kicked each other out.
That's why a while ago, I bought really comfy furniture :-)
The severity of the argument sometimes determines the distance...I think once we had a bad argument and I went to sleep to a hotel. Or if it's really very bad, i go travelling to another country...
One or two times, I considered applying for virgin galactic human space flight. But it worked out in the end and i didn't have to go (still have a space suit though). Plus they are not flying yet anyways.
So it depends :-)
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post #36 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 03:52 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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In what circumstances would it be ok for a husband to direct his wife to the couch instead of their marital bed?
I guess if he wanted to assert his complete dominance in the marriage, leaving her with no power at all, absolutely defenseless and at his mercy.

I could not even look at a "man" like that.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #37 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 04:09 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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I think a gentleman will go to the couch if his wife asks him to.

Refusing, or telling her to sleep on the couch, is a real sign of boorishness, imo.
So it's ok for the husband to be treated like a naughty child and sent to the naughty corner.And you believe this will make a wife respect her husband.I'm not being sarcastic I really would like to know.
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post #38 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 04:24 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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So it's ok for the husband to be treated like a naughty child and sent to the naughty corner.And you believe this will make a wife respect her husband.I'm not being sarcastic I really would like to know.
I see husbands as powerful, Andy, not at all in the "naughty child" category. A man could ultimately do whatever he wanted to a wife. Few women can physically overpower a man.

I think a man who can be patient and empathetic to a woman's feelings is a man who will inspire his wife's devotion. When Dug takes that approach with me, I can't help but eat out of his hand. The trust is just so powerful.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #39 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:39 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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We've been married 20 years... have 3 teenagers. He is now inoperable... stage 4. I'm not heartless...given the circumstances, with him dealing with chemo and limited time, I stay so that my kids aren't robbed of time with him.
Wish I had the compassion you did. I'd of still tossed his ass out.

You might not be heartless but he was to be screwing around on you.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #40 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 09:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
So it's ok for the husband to be treated like a naughty child and sent to the naughty corner.And you believe this will make a wife respect her husband.I'm not being sarcastic I really would like to know.
This was my thought process when my partner alluded to me sending him to the couch. It would be impossible for me to not, even if it was subconscious, lose some respect for a man who I could order to sleep away from our bed in response to a disagreement. I am very weary of promoting behaviours that would inadvertently affect my level of respect for my partner. I think once the respect for a man starts to chip away, so too does the woman's sexual attraction - for me at least.

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post #41 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:04 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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This was my thought process when my partner alluded to me sending him to the couch. It would be impossible for me to not, even if it was subconscious, lose some respect for a man who I could order to sleep away from our bed in response to a disagreement. I am very weary of promoting behaviours that would inadvertently affect my level of respect for my partner. I think once the respect for a man starts to chip away, so too does the woman's sexual attraction - for me at least.
I think you feel much more powerful in your relationship than I do in mine.

We are likely viewing this from opposite ends of the power spectrum.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #42 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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I think you feel much more powerful in your relationship than I do in mine.

We are likely viewing this from opposite ends of the power spectrum.
Please expound if you don't mind...
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post #43 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:39 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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I've been soft on him because of our extenuating circumstances... H has cancer. At the time I kicked him out of our room he was stable. He slept mostly on the couch for a little over a month...

Then his cancer returned, he had major surgery and needed a more suitable room to recover in. So I bought him a bed, new bedding ... the works.

We've been married 20 years... have 3 teenagers. He is now inoperable... stage 4. I'm not heartless...given the circumstances, with him dealing with chemo and limited time, I stay so that my kids aren't robbed of time with him.

Sorry for the TJ.


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How awful. Can I ask what is "online cheating" in this case?
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post #44 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:40 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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I think you feel much more powerful in your relationship than I do in mine.

We are likely viewing this from opposite ends of the power spectrum.
I have read lots of your posts and I think you are Very dominant in your marriage
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post #45 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 10:45 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
This was my thought process when my partner alluded to me sending him to the couch. It would be impossible for me to not, even if it was subconscious, lose some respect for a man who I could order to sleep away from our bed in response to a disagreement. I am very weary of promoting behaviours that would inadvertently affect my level of respect for my partner. I think once the respect for a man starts to chip away, so too does the woman's sexual attraction - for me at least.


Has this actually happened? (That one of you ordered the other to sleep on the couch). Until it actually happens, it's impossible to know what the dynamic turns out to be. There's no need to pre-empt losing sexual attractions or worrying about it too much until I actually happens!
If my wife is so upset that she couldn't be in same room with me, she is the one who usually leaves.
Once she was too upset and told ME to go away while I tried to calm her down. I did leve, out of respect to her needing the space. It has nothing to do with being a child. (Incidentally when I need my space to calm the f down, I find it very difficult to obtain..). So who is in control will probably be in the eye of the beholder. But does it matter? Is it not more important to sort out the actual argument eventually?
What are you guys arguing about for a start?


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Last edited by inmyprime; 03-21-2017 at 10:50 AM.
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