Husbands told to sleep on the couch - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:39 AM Thread Starter
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Husbands told to sleep on the couch

I first came across this concept on TV and now on TAM. When there is a disagreement between couples it is not out of the norm for the woman to ask the man to leave the bedroom and go sleep on the couch.

Where did this originate? Is this strictly a western practice?

What makes it ok for a woman to ask her husband to do this? Women who have done this, what happens if your husband refuses? How does he know when it's ok to return to his bed?

Men who have been sent to the couch, how did you feel when asked to do this? What did you do to get this punishment? Any men out there who have been sent to the couch and refused?

In what circumstances would it be ok for a husband to direct his wife to the couch instead of their marital bed?

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post #2 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:44 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

Not sure how much of this actually happens vs. being more of a "joke". Similar to men being in the doghouse (literally lol).

I have never had this done to me, nor have I ever asked anyone to do. I could see maybe if you found out your SO was cheating on you (granted, if that was the case I would not want to sleep in that bed which may have been used for the extracurricular activities), but pretty childish if you do this just b/c you have an argument with your SO.
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post #3 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:48 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

I have never been "sent to the couch". My wife, back in our dark days, once threw a remote control at me out of anger and told me to get out of the bedroom at bedtime. I shrugged my shoulders, told her no, and went to sleep.

Frankly, any partner (man or woman) that is "ordered' out of the bedroom, and actually complies, may have larger problems than the one who thinks they have the power to do the ordering.

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post #4 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:54 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

I've never done this nor have had it done to me. My husband & I fight fair, I believe. That's something we established very early in our relationship.

But there have been times when I certainly didn't WANT him sleeping in the same bed. If I have trouble sleeping, whether it's because he's talking in his sleep, snoring, coughing, etc, I'm the one that'll go to the couch to sleep.

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post #5 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:56 AM
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Cool Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

I've never quite requested either of my XW's to ever vacate the marriage bed in favor of the family couch, but I have voluntarily traveled there myself whenever their abhorrent childish or drunken behavior and actions duly dictated that I go ahead and make that move on my own!

In either their or even my pissy state of mind, I just did not want to be remotely anywhere around them!

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Last edited by arbitrator; 03-20-2017 at 09:57 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #6 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:14 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

Hypothetical Situation: Husband orders the wrong widget that wife needs replaced yesterday! Husband blames wife for mistake because she was not detailed enough when demanding him to order said widget ASAP.

Option A: Staying in a bedroom where my wife is upset with me and needs time to calm herself.

Option B: Staying on a comfy couch with 1080p streaming 5.1 surround movies my wife refuses to watch with me while I eat my favorite snacks as I pass out for the night.





Whoever says sleeping on the couch is a punishment is likely a husband that has a serious lack of imagination!

Last edited by badsanta; 03-20-2017 at 09:18 AM.
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post #7 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:21 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

Whoever is more frustrated might go to the spare bedroom. It's more of cooling off kind of thing and usually we will eventually wind up in the same bed, either ours or the spare.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #8 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:23 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

Depends on what's playing on TV... If its Lifetime Movie Network, it's an easy choice.

The part about the sacristy of the marital bed is a bit overblown. We had children co-sleep with us and it was not uncommon for one of us to sleep elsewhere. Never impacted our (back then good) marriage. And vice versa, when our marriage started going under we still shared the bed.
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post #9 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

Well this is interesting, I never imagined this would be quite the treat @badsanta seems to suggest. The only tv is in our room so I guess it would be serious punishment in that case lol.

If anything it would piss me off if my partner deliberately chose to sleep on the couch in response to an argument. And in the past he hasn't taken it too well when I scout off to the next room to cool off after an argument.
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post #10 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:48 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
Well this is interesting, I never imagined this would be quite the treat @badsanta seems to suggest. The only tv is in our room so I guess it would be serious punishment in that case lol.

If anything it would piss me off if my partner deliberately chose to sleep on the couch in response to an argument. And in the past he hasn't taken it too well when I scout off to the next room to cool off after an argument.
@Keke24 it is all about "personal space." It may be wise for the two of you to discuss how you argue and how allowing for some personal space to cool off can actually be helpful.

Your husband may be upset if he feels you are giving up and running away from arguments. So if you need space to cool off, acknowledge the problem and request some space to just think through things on your own for a while as a way to call a "truce" with one another and that you will come back to finish the argument once you have gathered you feelings and thoughts a little better.

Otherwise things can get too emotional.

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post #11 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

My ex wife kicked me out of the bedroom, stopped doing my laundry and cooking for me. She was a SAHM. I slept on an air mattress down in the basement. I detached even more, started an EA, and divorced her a few months later. She begged me to change my mind. She did the 180 her counselor told her to do and it wasn't the outcome she wanted. But we were in a 100% sexless/loveless marriage for the last 4+ years, so it was a sham anyways. We're both much happier now and can actually have civil conversations about our children.
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post #12 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:23 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

I prefer to sleep on the couch or in the other bedroom
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post #13 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:24 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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I prefer to sleep on the couch or in the other bedroom


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post #14 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:31 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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The dog takes up the whole king bed
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post #15 of 91 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:34 AM
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Re: Husbands told to sleep on the couch

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The dog takes up the whole king bed
Lol. Mine does a pretty good job of that too and he's only a 22 pounder! If i move to the couch, the dog will just follow me then try to cram in the couch with me. Sorry, thread jack.

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