My marriage sucks...I lack every aspect of what I’m seeking in a relationship with a man. Our relationship has been this way for a long time. We don’t communicate other than fighting…we don’t do things together and when I do try he doesn’t want to participate…We don’t sleep together or have sex (except for when he wants it). I’m not allowed to say anything because the interfering factor is his family this time. Then again there has always been something his alcoholism, my weight, kids, fatigue, money, pets…you name it we have an argument about it. Were both miserable but I can’t figure out why he keeps begging me to stay together.
Right now the issue is we’re both not working, I’ll pick up odd jobs here and there and recently went to get certified to be a barefoot horse trimmer but building clientele takes time and stronger skills than I have fresh out of school. I own the home we live in; I’ve been very blessed and inherited a very desirable piece of property. Our monthly bills are minimal and only around 800 per month. I have my own trail ride business which cost about 400 a month in feed but once sponsorships start they will cost us nothing more than the time of riding with the horses.
He spends roughly 3-5 hours a day paying video games and facetiming his brother 3 or more times daily for anywhere from 15-40 minutes smoking weed and running his brother through our entire life. I love that his brother and him have such a wonderful bond but at the same time I’m tired of the guy being placed in our home daily. This habit started after his brother’s month long visit in December. Once the brother left they switched to facetime and video games, it was worse for a while, he was spending over 15 hours a day playing games and facetiming anytime he wasn’t on the game. I asked for weeks for things to change nicely and blew a gasket finally ripping the internet cables out of the wall after his brother told me to “**** off” when I told them to find something better to do than smoke weed and play video games all day. I loved being disconnected because it forced us to behave the way a family should and we actually spent time together. Is it too much to ask for some us time? He says I’m wrong he doesn’t play that much but game stats don’t lie and the counter says what it says. I’ve committed my life to a man who won’t share his goals with me; he is very general and says he just wants to be happy. He doesn’t seem concerned were about to run out of unemployment. He seems totally content to smoke weed and play games all day. He verbally abuses me to the point I’ve started to carry a recorder around with me which upsets him but it stopped the name calling and demeaning behavior. 7 years of being called a worthless lazy ***** was going to lead to someone dying. I’m the least lazy person ever, my day starts at 6am and ends around 9 pm. He has stopped drinking and is a wonderful father to our girls when he can put the phone and game remote down. I try to play his game with him but he doesn’t like to play with me. I wouldn’t mind smoking out on occasion after the kids are in bed but I don’t want to facetime brother to do it. By the way we live in California where it is legal. I’ve tried everything to gain his attention but I can’t seem to get it. Even bought some sexy underwear and he didn’t even notice me wearing them, while I walk around in just them.
I’ve been wrong also I struggle with communicating my issues clearly. I tend to say things subtly several times over a span of time till I get so angry and upset I can’t take it. I yell, scream, and sometimes do crazy **** like rip phone cables out of walls. I just want a simple life and to actually share it with someone. I’ve told him as long as he can find a residence and keep the kids in their established school that I’d be more than happy to have a 5050 custody agreement. He has money put away and could move if he had to but whenever the discussion comes up he begs me for another chance and promises change but that happens for a week but never sticks. While I was out of town for hoof school he was supposed to gain some appreciation for how hard I work. He tried to prove to me how he could do it on his own but he failed miserably. I had to have neighbors come feed my horses and take care of my animals because he couldn’t do it (mind you he didn't tell me he couldn't handle but they would drive by mid day and notice they didn't have any food they all lost weight and got out to the road twice). The house was relatively clean but people called me all week telling me what a wreck it was without me and I still had to deal with household laundry when I got back.
I’ve been portrayed as a monster to his family and he has told some of them I threaten him to make him stay. Its actually the opposite because I am one part time job from no financial struggle. His family hates me and all I’ve done is ask for the same respect any of them expect from their spouses.
We as individuals deserve better and a more fulfilling life than what we are doing together. I want a partner in crime and a friend.... I can’t grow old with a man who seems to care less if I’m part of his life, I just can’t get him to move out.
Right now the issue is we’re both not working, I’ll pick up odd jobs here and there and recently went to get certified to be a barefoot horse trimmer but building clientele takes time and stronger skills than I have fresh out of school. I own the home we live in; I’ve been very blessed and inherited a very desirable piece of property. Our monthly bills are minimal and only around 800 per month. I have my own trail ride business which cost about 400 a month in feed but once sponsorships start they will cost us nothing more than the time of riding with the horses.
He spends roughly 3-5 hours a day paying video games and facetiming his brother 3 or more times daily for anywhere from 15-40 minutes smoking weed and running his brother through our entire life. I love that his brother and him have such a wonderful bond but at the same time I’m tired of the guy being placed in our home daily. This habit started after his brother’s month long visit in December. Once the brother left they switched to facetime and video games, it was worse for a while, he was spending over 15 hours a day playing games and facetiming anytime he wasn’t on the game. I asked for weeks for things to change nicely and blew a gasket finally ripping the internet cables out of the wall after his brother told me to “**** off” when I told them to find something better to do than smoke weed and play video games all day. I loved being disconnected because it forced us to behave the way a family should and we actually spent time together. Is it too much to ask for some us time? He says I’m wrong he doesn’t play that much but game stats don’t lie and the counter says what it says. I’ve committed my life to a man who won’t share his goals with me; he is very general and says he just wants to be happy. He doesn’t seem concerned were about to run out of unemployment. He seems totally content to smoke weed and play games all day. He verbally abuses me to the point I’ve started to carry a recorder around with me which upsets him but it stopped the name calling and demeaning behavior. 7 years of being called a worthless lazy ***** was going to lead to someone dying. I’m the least lazy person ever, my day starts at 6am and ends around 9 pm. He has stopped drinking and is a wonderful father to our girls when he can put the phone and game remote down. I try to play his game with him but he doesn’t like to play with me. I wouldn’t mind smoking out on occasion after the kids are in bed but I don’t want to facetime brother to do it. By the way we live in California where it is legal. I’ve tried everything to gain his attention but I can’t seem to get it. Even bought some sexy underwear and he didn’t even notice me wearing them, while I walk around in just them.
I’ve been wrong also I struggle with communicating my issues clearly. I tend to say things subtly several times over a span of time till I get so angry and upset I can’t take it. I yell, scream, and sometimes do crazy **** like rip phone cables out of walls. I just want a simple life and to actually share it with someone. I’ve told him as long as he can find a residence and keep the kids in their established school that I’d be more than happy to have a 5050 custody agreement. He has money put away and could move if he had to but whenever the discussion comes up he begs me for another chance and promises change but that happens for a week but never sticks. While I was out of town for hoof school he was supposed to gain some appreciation for how hard I work. He tried to prove to me how he could do it on his own but he failed miserably. I had to have neighbors come feed my horses and take care of my animals because he couldn’t do it (mind you he didn't tell me he couldn't handle but they would drive by mid day and notice they didn't have any food they all lost weight and got out to the road twice). The house was relatively clean but people called me all week telling me what a wreck it was without me and I still had to deal with household laundry when I got back.
I’ve been portrayed as a monster to his family and he has told some of them I threaten him to make him stay. Its actually the opposite because I am one part time job from no financial struggle. His family hates me and all I’ve done is ask for the same respect any of them expect from their spouses.
We as individuals deserve better and a more fulfilling life than what we are doing together. I want a partner in crime and a friend.... I can’t grow old with a man who seems to care less if I’m part of his life, I just can’t get him to move out.