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have you been improperly propositioned

  • I'm female and yes

    Votes: 22 30.6%
  • I'm female and no

    Votes: 4 5.6%
  • I'm male and yes

    Votes: 40 55.6%
  • I'm male and no

    Votes: 6 8.3%
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Have you ever been in appropriately propositioned

13K views 138 replies 48 participants last post by  naturepeacelove 
#1 ·
By "improperly", I mean the either you were married / in a committed relationship, and / or you knew the other person was. By "propositioned", I mean someone making it clear beyond a reasonable doubt that they wanted sex with you in a situation where it would have been reasonably possible for you to do so and not get caught.

I'm not asking anyone if they gave in to the temptation (and please don't say), just if they have every been given the offer.

I'm curious how often people are subjected to temptation.
 
#6 ·
It happened quite a bit when I was in my 20s. Not so much in my 30s, but then again I've spent as much time in my 30s single (divorced) as I have spent married. And I went out much more in my 20s to bars and other places where that seems to happen. In my late 20s and early 30s, I never went out--I spent all my time working or in grad school/studying. What precious spare time I had, I spent being ignored by my now-XH.
 
#9 ·
I was inappropriately approached a lot after I got married. Secretaries, women I met on public transportation, women at conventions and hotel bars during business trips, friend's wives, and more. Seems that once you get married, make good money and get buff in the Army, girls want to have sex with you. What is surprising is that even though I was in a non monogamous marriage, I never had sex with a woman when I was away from home. Mostly played with others with my wife and a lot of women do not take you seriously when you invite them home to join you and the wife in bed. :)
 
#15 · (Edited)
I'm a reasonably attractive woman who has worked in a male-dominant industry since my early 20s, so of course I have. It happens less often these days, due likely to the facts that I now spend less time in the field than in years past, have gotten very good at deflecting that sort of open interest, and am now 40.
 
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#17 ·
Quite often actually. I'm 6' 3" 245 lbs and do security work on the side at concert venues. I get propositioned sometimes 3-4 times a night, either to meet up with them after the shows or sometimes they want to do me "A favor" to get backstage. And although yes, I have thought about it at times, I have never taken any of them up on it.
 
#18 ·
Since I've been married? No, not really. I talk about my wife a lot, don't go to bars or dancing, and generally don't place myself in a position to be hit on. Most of my free time is with my wife. Plus, I own my business and work from home.

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk
 
#27 · (Edited)
That's the same with my husband.We work from home and do a lot together. If you stay away from bars, clubs etc where people who are looking for casual sex go, then its far less likely to happen.
If my husband has to stay away in a hotel for work, he will chose a small bed and breakfast type place, and will just go out for a long walk in the evening and wont hang around in bars (he doesn't drink anyway). There are many ways we can avoid this happening to us.
 
#20 ·
I think this is a good discussion because what one thinks is inappropriate and improper may differ.

How friendly is too friendly? Is flitting inappropriate? What is considered friendly and flirting?

I find it funny because I've witnessed this interaction many times when a guy is talking to a women, and she appears like she is flirting, and then they stop and he is like "oh I could sleep with her if I wanted", or "I can have her If I want" type of talk. I find it hilarious because they are so overly confident. There are times when I'm in a good mood and I'm laughing and joking and the guy is just funny and they probably think "they have me", when in reality I just love to laugh and your funny.

So my opinion is... yes men "flirt" with me when they know I'm married. At a certain point if it gets too far I ALWAYS find a way to mention my husband. To me, that is like telling the person I don't want anything to happen between us. There are times when I'm talking to a married guy and it may appear we are "flirting" but we're just flirting and that's it. It's not serious. I'm a nurse, this happens a lot because we work with many attractive men and women.
 
#56 ·
I find it funny because I've witnessed this interaction many times when a guy is talking to a women, and she appears like she is flirting, and then they stop and he is like "oh I could sleep with her if I wanted", or "I can have her If I want" type of talk. I find it hilarious because they are so overly confident. There are times when I'm in a good mood and I'm laughing and joking and the guy is just funny and they probably think "they have me", when in reality I just love to laugh and your funny.
Yep there's a big difference between frivolous flirting and explicit offers. My default position when a woman or even a man (since that sometimes happens) flirts with me, is they're just having some meaningless fun. Sure on some occasions it might be a fishing expedition, yet the fact is for the most part it's nothing more than just wanting to feel good with no intent at all.

The only time I have thought other women have wanted to have sex with me, is when they have made a very explicit pass or in a matter of fact way have asked me to have sex with them.

For example a few years ago, I was out shopping with my wife when this gay man started flirting with me. Flattering though it was, I'm heterosexual and in a monogamous marital relationship with my wife. Yet I certainly don't think he necessarily wanted to have sex with me, nor did I think his flirting was an offer of sex either.

Whereas when I was playing SAHP when our daughter was 1 and our son was 4, I made friends with this woman at a kids playgroup. She was attractive, married, our sons liked each other and we got on as well.

The weirdest thing about being a man taking my kids to playgroup, was the few other men that were there just seemed weird and effeminate to me. I just couldn't relate to those other men at all, yet I had absolutely no problem making friends with some of the other women.

Anyway that led to an invite to hers for a playdate, which saw her dressed somewhat loosely (imagination was not required) when I arrived (which surprised me). I then presumed she would get changed, yet instead she showed me her house and her bedroom where she offered, yet I turned her down so she just shrugged and got changed. I stayed a while longer cause our kids were still playing and subsequently didn't catch up with her again.

Likewise a few months into my exclusive relationship with my wife, she and I started effectively living together at hers. Although I did maintain my own address in shared housing elsewhere (where I kept most of my stuff) till we got married, lest my wife go through more drama with her mother who had already taken umbrage with her atheism. For the last 18 months I formally lived two doors away, which is where an attractive Japanese woman who was a new house mate propositioned me.

It was the first time I had been there for many weeks, when she started talking to me and asked if she could look at my music collection. So I showed her and after a short while, I could tell through the buzz in the air and her behaviour and the way she was in my space a bit that she was wanting. She then clumsily offered me sex, and then following being turned down wasn't happy about the rejection. Then as a consequence of that, she also claimed I must be gay to not want to do it with her (my wife thought the gay claim was funny). Yet there was no harm since nothing happened, plus she didn't do anything wrong since she didn't know I was with someone else and had only just met me.

Fortunately for the Japanese woman she found a guy that lived across the road who was was up for it, so she got the sex she was after.

If I were unattached or in a non exclusive sexual/marital relationship at the time, without hesitation I would have had sex with them and some of the others who offered as well.

At the end of the day though since I choose not to cheat on my exclusive sexual partner and former partners, I have had no trouble turning down all explicit offers to stray.
 
#22 ·
Aside from being frequently propositioned by the TAM mods?

Not including the times i have been hit on, only to realize I am the one hitting on my image in the mirror ....

Back in college when I had a gf (eventually my W), had my manager (male) at Blockbuster Video hit on me (told everyone he had a dream and I was dessert, his BF would call the store to check up on me, etc...). Been a few other instances (with both men and women), but in general I am never really in a position to even be hit on if there was even any sort of interest.
 
#24 · (Edited)
First, I have not given into the temptation, but lots of times all the following while married.

I was walking from my hotel to a local restaurant once at a conference and a "lady-of-the-night" came up to me and asked if I would like a "date and a good time."

I was going down an elevator once packed with a group of farmers wives visiting Chicago for a Christmas shopping expedition, when one of them asked me if I would like to join them for dinner and possible a nightcap afterwards.

I was sitting on an airplane next to a pretty young bank worker, when we started talking. At the end of the flight she told me that if I wanted to leave first as she had no one to go home to. She then said that she was tired and was going to get a hotel at the airport and charge it to her company. She would love for me to join her for drinks, dinner and some fun.

I was providing testimony before a state legislative field hearing on increasing funding in schools for children with disabilities. After I made my presentation a MILF, came up to me and told me I was really impressive and asked if we could have coffee. Her body and her body language were pretty impressive.

I had an interesting massage and the masseuse asked if I would like any extras, like maybe a BJ. (Never went back to that massage parlor)

I once,right after work while dressed in nice business clothes, went to a junkyard to buy a part for my truck and the woman clerk who wrote up the sale, called me cupcake and asked if I wanted to maybe stick around until she got off work in a few minutes, then go somewhere for a drink.

There are more, but this should give you an idea.
 
#25 ·
This is why we need good sensible boundaries with the opposite sex, so that the opportunities for this to happen are rare.

As for me, I was far far too busy bringing up three children from the age of 21 to meet or be interested in meeting other men. LOL.
Anyone who would ask a married or committed person for sex is beneath contempt in my opinion.
 
#26 ·
This is why we need good sensible boundaries with the opposite sex, so that the opportunities for this to happen are rare.
Although I agree that boundaries are necessary, it is not like everyone here is asking to be hit on each time. A lot of times it is out of one's control (i.e. work, out with friends, at the gym, in the dressing room at Old Navy, etc...).
 
#37 ·
I own a gym,a very big one.I only bought it about eight months ago and I have over fifty female employees.They flirt all the time with me and the customers, I don't pay much heed.Nine of them have offered to have sex with me,not hinting or flirting,they have offered me everything from a blowjob to full sex and the worst thing is they all know my girlfriend and know she is pregnant.It's all a power game they want to be the one who ****s the boss.
 
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