My husband and I have been married for 6 months, and we dated for 6 years before we got married. We have always been 100% faithful and honest with each other and he is my best friend.
......For the past 3-4 years I have had a huge dependency on alcohol for dealing with my mental and emotional problems. I was sexually abused as a child, went to trial and put my abuser behind bars. As a result I made some pretty awful decisions up until early adulthood (hanging with the wrong crowd, fighting with my family, lying to people I love, using drugs, etc). When I met my (now) husband I turned my life completely around...and then alcohol addiction crept back in.
My friends, family, and my husband all knew I drank a lot but kind of just acted like "that's how she is, she's a lush." My husband drinks often but he drinks socially, and he knows his limit. He doesn't use it as a crutch like I do. No one has ever openly accused me of having a problem because I hide my addiction very well. For the past year or so I've come home from work to my husband playing video games and I would get right to drinking and cleaning the house. This has become our habit. I've confronted him in the past about how his gaming makes me feel isolated and alone, how our sex life has suffered as a result of his gaming, and how I feel like I'm overwhelmed with all the things that I have to get done and I have no time for my own hobbies. He's either responded by telling me I'm overreacting, or admitting that I'm right and then returning to hardcore gaming days later. Again, I'm sure my drinking played a huge role in my own problems but no one ever said anything.
..... I went out of town for my best friend's bachelorette party. My husband and I were having disagreements throughout the weekend. One night I got extremely drunk and a group of people asked if I wanted to go to a house party. I wanted to keep drinking and partying so I said yes. I went back to these strangers' house and ended up making out with a random guy for a few minutes....
.....I couldn't eat or sleep knowing that I betrayed his trust.
I confessed what had happened,..... He believes I probably slept with the guy. I told him I'd do anything to prove I'm being honest - take a lie detector test, whatever it takes. I also promised to quit drinking. I've been sober for 32 days now. I've never been sober for more than a day or 2 since I turned twenty one. Turns out everyone knew I had a problem and didn't know how to confront me.
I love my husband so much. We've both admitted to dealing with our mental and emotional issues by using distractions - me with my drinking and him with his gaming. The only problem is, while I've stopped drinking and I'm trying to rebuild trust, he's still gaming with any free time he has.
.....I don't want our marriage to get worse, I want to make it better. .
Some serious issues.
First, you have an addiction problem and 32 days sober is a very very good start. Well Done!
If you read the above closely, I see you trying to blame your addiction problem on others, your husband and the trauma caused by the man that abused you.
I also see you as wanting to make your husband change. You can't make him change, only he can make himself change in regards to his gaming.
In a really strong marriage, your husband, if he knew you had an addiction problem would not allow alcohol in the house and would not drink in front of you or at all. That way he would be supportive of your managing your addiction. You need to talk to him about this, hopefully with a marriage counselor so that your temptation to fall off the wagon is reduced.
Likewise, you can't require your husband to keep you from drinking. He can't change you, only you can change yourself and manage your addiction.
You did something that destroyed the trust your husband had in you, even if you say it only involved making out. Even making out is not being a faithful wife. Now it is up to the both of your to reconcile and rebuild your relationship and trust.
If I were in your shoes, I would tell your husband that you have stopped drinking, you are truly appalled at your addiction, how you hid it from him, and what you did at that "bachelorette party." I would also tell him that you need his help in staying off of alcohol and in rebuilding his trust in you and your marriage. As such you would like the two of you to go to marriage counseling or see a sex therapist so that you can get yourself together to be the kind of wife he deserves and you want to be. I sort of think that a marriage counselor would be the better choice, except for your child abuse issues, that could be a very significant cause of your addiction issues. As such probably a sex therapist (a marriage counselor with extra training) who has some addiction training experience is your best choice for professional help.