My husband and I have been married for 6 months, and we dated for 6 years before we got married. We have always been 100% faithful and honest with each other and he is my best friend.
I want to give a little background but please know that I am not making excuses for anything I've done. For the past 3-4 years I have had a huge dependency on alcohol for dealing with my mental and emotional problems. I was sexually abused as a child, went to trial and put my abuser behind bars. As a result I made some pretty awful decisions up until early adulthood (hanging with the wrong crowd, fighting with my family, lying to people I love, using drugs, etc). When I met my (now) husband I turned my life completely around...and then alcohol addiction crept back in.
My friends, family, and my husband all knew I drank a lot but kind of just acted like "that's how she is, she's a lush." My husband drinks often but he drinks socially, and he knows his limit. He doesn't use it as a crutch like I do. No one has ever openly accused me of having a problem because I hide my addiction very well. For the past year or so I've come home from work to my husband playing video games and I would get right to drinking and cleaning the house. This has become our habit. I've confronted him in the past about how his gaming makes me feel isolated and alone, how our sex life has suffered as a result of his gaming, and how I feel like I'm overwhelmed with all the things that I have to get done and I have no time for my own hobbies. He's either responded by telling me I'm overreacting, or admitting that I'm right and then returning to hardcore gaming days later. Again, I'm sure my drinking played a huge role in my own problems but no one ever said anything.
Fast forward to last month. I went out of town for my best friend's bachelorette party. My husband and I were having disagreements throughout the weekend. One night I got extremely drunk and a group of people asked if I wanted to go to a house party. I wanted to keep drinking and partying so I said yes. I went back to these strangers' house and ended up making out with a random guy for a few minutes. Why? Because I was flattered. It felt good for someone to notice me, to want me. But then I immediately felt terrible, called for a cab, and went back to the hotel.
At first I wasn't going to tell my husband when I got home. I asked myself why I would make him feel terrible just to ease my own guilt over one big mistake. But after a couple of days I couldn't stand keeping a secret from him (again, we've always been 100% honest with each other - aside from my secret drinking habits). I couldn't eat or sleep knowing that I betrayed his trust.
I confessed what had happened, at first keeping out details until he dragged it all out of me. Of course, he didn't believe it stopped at kissing (which it did, I have no reason to lie here). He believes I probably slept with the guy. I told him I'd do anything to prove I'm being honest - take a lie detector test, whatever it takes. I also promised to quit drinking. I've been sober for 32 days now. I've never been sober for more than a day or 2 since I turned twenty one. Turns out everyone knew I had a problem and didn't know how to confront me.
I love my husband so much. We've both admitted to dealing with our mental and emotional issues by using distractions - me with my drinking and him with his gaming. The only problem is, while I've stopped drinking and I'm trying to rebuild trust, he's still gaming with any free time he has. It's like I barely exist. I don't know if he's just trying to avoid me and avoid the painful rebuilding of our relationship, or if he just doesn't care anymore. I don't know how to talk to him about how this makes me feel without having my mistake thrown in my face. I feel like it'd be hypocritical or insensitive for me to point out that I need more from him when I've betrayed him.
I don't want our marriage to get worse, I want to make it better. I want him to see me the way that he used to. I just don't know what I can do to move us forward, or if I need to be patient right now and let him call the shots. Please help.
I want to give a little background but please know that I am not making excuses for anything I've done. For the past 3-4 years I have had a huge dependency on alcohol for dealing with my mental and emotional problems. I was sexually abused as a child, went to trial and put my abuser behind bars. As a result I made some pretty awful decisions up until early adulthood (hanging with the wrong crowd, fighting with my family, lying to people I love, using drugs, etc). When I met my (now) husband I turned my life completely around...and then alcohol addiction crept back in.
My friends, family, and my husband all knew I drank a lot but kind of just acted like "that's how she is, she's a lush." My husband drinks often but he drinks socially, and he knows his limit. He doesn't use it as a crutch like I do. No one has ever openly accused me of having a problem because I hide my addiction very well. For the past year or so I've come home from work to my husband playing video games and I would get right to drinking and cleaning the house. This has become our habit. I've confronted him in the past about how his gaming makes me feel isolated and alone, how our sex life has suffered as a result of his gaming, and how I feel like I'm overwhelmed with all the things that I have to get done and I have no time for my own hobbies. He's either responded by telling me I'm overreacting, or admitting that I'm right and then returning to hardcore gaming days later. Again, I'm sure my drinking played a huge role in my own problems but no one ever said anything.
Fast forward to last month. I went out of town for my best friend's bachelorette party. My husband and I were having disagreements throughout the weekend. One night I got extremely drunk and a group of people asked if I wanted to go to a house party. I wanted to keep drinking and partying so I said yes. I went back to these strangers' house and ended up making out with a random guy for a few minutes. Why? Because I was flattered. It felt good for someone to notice me, to want me. But then I immediately felt terrible, called for a cab, and went back to the hotel.
At first I wasn't going to tell my husband when I got home. I asked myself why I would make him feel terrible just to ease my own guilt over one big mistake. But after a couple of days I couldn't stand keeping a secret from him (again, we've always been 100% honest with each other - aside from my secret drinking habits). I couldn't eat or sleep knowing that I betrayed his trust.
I confessed what had happened, at first keeping out details until he dragged it all out of me. Of course, he didn't believe it stopped at kissing (which it did, I have no reason to lie here). He believes I probably slept with the guy. I told him I'd do anything to prove I'm being honest - take a lie detector test, whatever it takes. I also promised to quit drinking. I've been sober for 32 days now. I've never been sober for more than a day or 2 since I turned twenty one. Turns out everyone knew I had a problem and didn't know how to confront me.
I love my husband so much. We've both admitted to dealing with our mental and emotional issues by using distractions - me with my drinking and him with his gaming. The only problem is, while I've stopped drinking and I'm trying to rebuild trust, he's still gaming with any free time he has. It's like I barely exist. I don't know if he's just trying to avoid me and avoid the painful rebuilding of our relationship, or if he just doesn't care anymore. I don't know how to talk to him about how this makes me feel without having my mistake thrown in my face. I feel like it'd be hypocritical or insensitive for me to point out that I need more from him when I've betrayed him.
I don't want our marriage to get worse, I want to make it better. I want him to see me the way that he used to. I just don't know what I can do to move us forward, or if I need to be patient right now and let him call the shots. Please help.