leroycat

I caught my husband sexting last week and I'm beyond confused. I've always thought we had a special marriage and considered our relationship different then most. I 'thought' we were best friends but the hardest part of all of this is not so much the words but the secrecy. He's been hiding her fake name on his phone under a secret app for 4 months and only showed regret once caught. We've been married 18 yrs and he's a good husband and father so I'm not prepared to just kick him out. Should I believe that he's ended this and how do I deal with the fact that he even did it?

PBear

You should post in the Infidelity forum, and read up on breaking up an affair, and healing afterwards. You should not trust that this has ended just because he says so. You need to have full access to all his communication tools like phones and phone records, email addresses, computer accounts, etc. And you should definitely not allow this to be swept under the rug and leave the core issues untouched. Besides healing your hurt and rebuilding your trust, as a couple you need to look long and hardvatbyour relationship, and identify what went wrong.

Good luck!

C
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2nd_t!me iz_best

exactly.
i caught my ex wife communicating in some way 7 times over a years time after my initial find with her last 'friend'.
each time she was caught she would deny until i showed her the evidence i had.
each time she would swear it was ended and i had nothing to worry about.
she was right, after the last time i had nothing to worry about, i left for good.
i wouldnt trust that for a second.

Entropy3000

Yes, this is beiong unfaithful. This belongs in the Coping with Infidelity section.

desert-rose

At least he showed some kind of regret. It was still a terrible thing and it must hurt like hell to be where you are right now, but so many WSs never even show regret or remorse at all. Maybe there's a chance that you guys can still salvage things, if he is genuinely remorseful....I say, as others have above, that you should post in the Coping with Infidelity forum because sexting is cheating.

sigma1299

Should you believe he's ended it???? Absolutely not!!!! If it was with only one woman for the whole time I'll virtually guarantee that it was a full blown EA and in that case there's no way it's over that easy. I had an EA that was all texting, Facebook and phone calls - you can't just turn them off like a light switch. It's painful, bloody, and damned hard to end an EA - even when you want to.

How do you deal with the fact that he did it? First you have to get a better idea of exactly what he did. Unfortunately this usually involves the loyal spouse becoming a shade tree detective and spying on their wayward spouse. Second you need to tell him it is wrong, it violates your wedding vows and that you cannot accept it in your marriage. He must pick, you and the marriage or his relationship with this OW.

Get yourself over to the infidelity section and get educated on what to do. You have no time to lose, every text between him and this OW gets him in deeper and makes it that much harder to kill the EA (if that's what you're dealing with). He's going to put up a fight, he's going to resent you for denying him his other love interest. Too bad for him, but be prepared.
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