My girlfriend and I are apart after 2 years, its killing me! - Page 2

draconis · 10-19-2007, 02:14 AM

Another reason she may not yet trust you (you from another site);

Quote:

Sometimes when I drink too much I get mean to her and mad and yell, sometimes for no reason.. I have some communication problems, if I'm mad about something I won't talk I will just "shut down" and blame her. Also just recently I did the worst thing possible. after a very heated argumement I got very angry and slapped her, not hard but a slap nonetheless. She had a very abbusive relationship in the past and is afraid I will turn into that. I know I never would and told her I would do anything to fix the relationship. I have pledged to stop drinking and stop going to clubs, and also to go to counseling..
9 months ago

you promised her 9 months ago or longer that you'd do councilling yet still haven't started.

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-19-2007, 02:14 AM

I never would have thought of these, thankyou for the advice. I will definately try it.

draconis · 10-19-2007, 02:26 AM

I hope the best for you. Keep us informed and if all goes well, then please come back and help others.

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-19-2007, 03:11 AM

oh, I must have left that detail out, we went about 2 sessions together and I went 2 alone, after that it was just too expensive to keep going at the time. We figured we'd try to fix the problems ourselves and save our money.

draconis · 10-19-2007, 03:26 AM

Hmmm....Everything starts with the best of intentions. I hope that you do get help through your college. If not then there are free support groups out there to help you and we are always here on the forums.

I am glad to hear you had made that effort.

I wish it had more of an impact with you. But as most things psychological it is more important for a person to talk you into discovering the truth then them telling you the truth.

Question, how do you feel about her coming over and cuddling with you? How does the morning go?

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-19-2007, 03:37 AM

Well I love when she comes over honestly, I like just holding her at night and sleeping next to her. She's only came over after being at a bar or club for the night, I guess that's ok but I'd like her to come over while sober once but she has yet to do so. The mornings are hard, She has work every morning so she gets up at 7 and heads out. There have been a couple of times where we've kissed goodbye but we hug each other every time one of us has to leave - I've left early one of the times for work, I left her a key and she brought it back the next day..

Overall I love seeing her, it makes me happy. I actually don't do anything anymore in hopes that she will stop by. I stopped spending time with friends just to see if she will knock on my door. It sucks waiting but its worth it when she shows up. Honestly it kills me when she doesn't show up, like tonight I waited for her but nothing. I don't know what she is doing, she confuses me and I wait for her. But yeah, mornings are very hard.

draconis · 10-19-2007, 03:49 AM

Well this is my honest opinion. I do not know you or her. I can only tell you what my gut says from the information you have told me.

It would seem to me she is checking out her options. When she doesn't come over is she at home or with someone else. Not that it is much your business to know. Either way you have a shot with her. But I'd say she is trying to make up her mind if she wants the familiar (you) or to move on to something new. You have little or no control over it.

The next time she comes over ask her to dinner the next day. If she declines, go out with your friends. Don't "always" wait. You don't have to be in a hurry to start again but you shouldn't be trapped either.

It takes a thousand times to erase one bad memory. You have much to overcome. I think you are still in the ballpark but you may be waiting around for something that is fading. Still there is hope.

I hope to hear from you soon.

best of luck.

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-19-2007, 04:00 AM

I figured she probably is looking at all her options now, she told me about a guy she met with the same name I have but completely different from me in all the ways that she didn't like about me. She said she met him at a bar or club and has stayed in contact with him, I'm afraid that it might turn into something more, that maybe he was one of the guys that kissed her. I don't know what to think about that.

draconis · 10-19-2007, 04:14 AM

Well, she is a free and independant women. Your only options are to grow as a person and hope she comes back to the improved you (familiar). Not wait around as her safety net (lose her). Or ask her were you really stand (90% chance to lose her).

No doubt if you really want her back this bad you are in an extremely tight spot. You do have the right to casually date too. Maybe you'll find that the sun doesn't set on her, or that she is the one right now. I say right now because you can always find love again. She isn't the only one. Since you feel stronger for her then any other girl you have been with who is to say the next girl will not be even better?

Either way you have options.

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-29-2007, 12:13 AM

So here's an update, After giving space she decided that we should talk and see each other but as friends only, and that means just friends - no benefits. It's nice to see her but sucks cause I want to kiss her and spend the nights with her but thats not gonna happen now. We do hug and today cuddled on the couch watching tv. I guess we'll see what happens with that situation. It's definately nice to hear from her and see her.

draconis · 10-29-2007, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by viper2g1

So here's an update, After giving space she decided that we should talk and see each other but as friends only, and that means just friends - no benefits. It's nice to see her but sucks cause I want to kiss her and spend the nights with her but thats not gonna happen now. We do hug and today cuddled on the couch watching tv. I guess we'll see what happens with that situation. It's definately nice to hear from her and see her.

Are you confortable with this arrangement?

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-29-2007, 01:12 AM

Ya we get along and can be friends, just gotta get used to it. not expecting more, but hoping.

draconis · 10-29-2007, 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by viper2g1

Ya we get along and can be friends, just gotta get used to it. not expecting more, but hoping.

Is she dating? How would she feel if you dated? Would you want to date if there was a hope with her?

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-29-2007, 01:16 AM

She told me that she is not dating now, and is going to stop going out so much so she can focus on school more - which is good. She says she hasn't been doing too well since the breakup. It would suck and hurt if she dated, but I dont have any control over that, I guess if she started I'd start too but I don't have any desire to do so.

draconis · 10-29-2007, 01:20 AM

So you are holding out hope that the two of you can restore things and are waiting to see if she decides to call it quits before you do because you do not want to ruin a good thing that you have a chance of getting back. You are happy to wait, right now because it gives you hope.

draconis