My girlfriend and I are apart after 2 years, its killing me!

viper2g1 · 10-18-2007, 09:19 PM

Ok, I tried posting on Yahoo answers put people there were very mean, I found this site and I'd like to hear what any of you have to say.. I want to get back with my girlfriend but it seems she doesn't want to be with me. I will post the two questions I put on yahoo, they give alot of the backround of the relationship..

Quote:

My girlfriend and I have been dating since 6/13/2006. We met on 12/26/2005 at a local nightclub. We've had a hard time during our relationship.. She says that I always sabotage our relationship, I guess I agree with her. I have been a mean person to her when I've been drunk said some mean things and even danced with someone in front of her at a halloween party once. Through it all we've fought and mutually decided to keep on going. We've broken up probably 5 times maybe more, I'm not sure. We always get back together.We just moved into an apartment together and during our last breakup she left and I felt like it was my fault she had to leave her home and go back to her parents house. I've had a hard time dealing with something that she has that she has no control over. She has herpes and she doesn't blame me for being cautious about it but I dont know if I can stay with someone who has that. I'm scared and we fight but always resolve it.. Any Help

Here is the other one

Quote:

We were together for 2 years and it was a bumpy road, the whole time I guess I was unsure if I wanted to be with her. I would cause many small fights and we would sepereate every once in a while. during the last part of our relationship she found out that she has herpes and hpv, I made the choice that I loved her enough to stay with her. We got medicine for her and continued along but I was worried the whole time I couldn't get those out of my head. We eventually slowed and stopped our sex life and we became very aggitated towards each other. I began to grow away from her, spending time with friends instead of keeping our plans, and began playing computer games online with friends instead of paying attention to her. We had mini breakups, and our recent one is the "final" breakup. She said she doen't wanna hear from me anymore and moved all her stuff out. I can't get her out of my mind... I've been miserable, unable to work or go to school.. I don't know what do do but I want her.

1 day ago - 2 days left to answer.
Additional Details
1 day ago

Now when she is drunk she comes over to our apartment we had together (she moved her stuff out and dropped off her key earlier) and stays the night with me... There is no sex involved but we just cuddle together in bed. this has happened 3 times the last 4 nights. It gives me hope for us but then she says that she needs time to decide and I'm not allowed to contact her at all.. Also last night she was drunk and told me she has kissed 4 guys while out with her friends, just pecks but who knows if she's telling the truth.. I told her to either stop doing that or stop coming to see me, that I can't deal with her finding other people then sleeping in my bed. I feel like I'm in a point in my life where I want to get married, I'm 24 work full time and back in school.. I don't care about the herpes or the hpv, if we were married it wouldn't be a concern anyway...

Please someone help me or give some advice. I have noone I can really talk to so I 'm posting on here..
1 day ago

Ok, she got a test for the herpes when she got a call from her ex telling her that he has it. I went with her to get the test and it came out positive, I was negative. We've been careful every time since when we had sex.

Today she came over to pick up a belt she left and we chatted a bit, she told me that its ok to talk about regular stuff but nothing to do with the relationship, thats after she told me to not talk to her and give her space but its so hard not to call or text, but I'm trying because its what she wants and I respect that..

I am going to start couceling through my college, I know I'm having a hard time with this, today I sat around and looked at pictures of us together. I even made an album of all our great times together. I'm not a guy who cries either, I've never cried through anything but this time I do it constantly. I am really affected alot by this. I'm hoping councelling would help me, and the situation and one day we could be back together. I know I probably have my own issues that need resolved before we could be back to happy, I truly hope one day for her to be my wife.

Sorry for the long message, figured if I'm going to make a post I'd give all the details for the best advice.

Thanks to anyone who will offer advice and help.

draconis · 10-18-2007, 09:36 PM

I will reply to one thing that caught my eye then I will reread it.

First if she wants her space give it to her. The more you bug her the more she will be driven away.

second silent aproach of friendship. Drinking is an issue for you. Go to AA, ask her to come as a friend. Let her come in after you and leave before you. MAYBE if she sees you can change the worst about yourself she will move to being friends then maybe talking about more.

You hurt her bad. She needs time to heal.

I'll be back soon with more advice.

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-18-2007, 09:46 PM

The drinking related problems mostly faded away, during a previous seperation I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore, I stopped going out as much and I stopped drinkin as much when I went out. Now it seems as if its an issue for her, she tells me she gets drunk every night to forget about our problems and her feelings, she said she is afraid she's becoming an alcoholic. It runs in her family and I'm afraid for her now.

draconis · 10-18-2007, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by viper2g1

The drinking related problems mostly faded away, during a previous seperation I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore, I stopped going out as much and I stopped drinkin as much when I went out. Now it seems as if its an issue for her, she tells me she gets drunk every night to forget about our problems and her feelings, she said she is afraid she's becoming an alcoholic. It runs in her family and I'm afraid for her now.

Go to AA together. Both of you have issues with drinking and both can be helped. Be strong for her. Ask yourself would you give up alcohol to have her back?

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-18-2007, 09:52 PM

I don't even have to think about that one, definately.

draconis · 10-18-2007, 09:55 PM

How do you feel about the herpes and do you want to continue to see her?

You seem vey confusing and I'd say giving her mixed signals (like she is giving you.).

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-18-2007, 10:02 PM

honestly it scared me in the begining but its getting easier, she didnt cheat on me to get it and its not her fault, I'm realizing I shouldn't fault her for it but I'm also entitled to be scared too. She is using the pills to prevent it and we used protection. I am willing to take the risk if thats what it takes to be with her.

draconis · 10-18-2007, 10:08 PM

Keep in mind with Herpes it is all about the flair up. Educate yourself well and talk to your doctor. Additionally I'd remain extra careful. Say you are with her again and get it but it doesn't bother you because you both have it, then you split up. Now you have to scare the next women you meet because of it. She will fear what you have in the beginning. I hope you get your wish and are together with your sweetheart forever but, if not have respect for your next partner.

draconis

draconis · 10-18-2007, 10:14 PM

Common steps to avoid Herpes with an affected partner

CLEANLINESS

CONDOMS

THE DENTAL DAM

TRY IT SLOWER

TAKE THE FOCUS OFF ORGASM

STIMULATE YOURSELF

USING OBJECTS FOR AROUSAL

viper2g1 · 10-18-2007, 10:20 PM

Thankyou draconis, I have a question for you though. I love to go down on her and would still want to if we got back together. Is there anything I could do to make that safer? I wouln't really want a barrier between my mouth and her area though.

draconis · 10-18-2007, 10:24 PM

Well the dental dam is the best way but it is a barrier.

Without sores present the possibility of it spreading is reduced but not gone. Cleaning with soap and water before and after all areas helps to lessen the chance.

But again there is no sure way to have any sex and not run a risk.

By the way :
20% of all Americans have it.
Half a million new cases every year.

draconis

draconis · 10-18-2007, 10:25 PM

Asymptomatic Transmission is what it is called when it is transmitted without sores.

draconis

viper2g1 · 10-18-2007, 10:35 PM

Thank you again for the replies

I'd like to get back to the relationship problems though, Do you think that with some counselling, maybe some AA, and giving her some space this could work out? any other tips at all?

draconis · 10-18-2007, 10:39 PM

Much more will depend on her. SHe is still coming around so she isn't totally done with you.

However, I'd do one other personal thing. It can even be a one shot. Sit through an anger/abuse class. It is very humbling. Most places, if not mandated by the court will let you do it for real cheap. It just might make you a better rounded person, and understand how the things you do can hurt others.

draconis

draconis · 10-18-2007, 10:55 PM

Quote:

She says that I always sabotage our relationship, I guess I agree with her. I have been a mean person to her when I've been drunk said some mean things and even danced with someone in front of her at a halloween party once

This is why I suggested the anger/abuse class. Not that I'd say you have a problem but to contain issues that might come in the future, and we can all become better people.

draconis