At the start I had to accept
But this I feel is taking the piss out of me
He lost his job whilst I was pregnant
Now she comes over
While I'm at work and hangs out with him ?
It's one thing to have a female friend that you go out with from time to time and have coffee and chat with. I think it's good for a man to have someone to get a female perspective from other than his wife. It's another thing if that female friend is coming to your house to see him when you're not home. There are and need to be certain lines drawn in the sand when it comes to opposite sex friendships, and I think that is crossing that line. It's one thing if they're out in public where other can see them together or there's the chance of them running into someone you both know, it's another thing to be together behind closed doors, especially if you don't know her that well.
If you really are suspicious but there aren't any real red flags, go out and buy 2 voice activated recorders. Hide one in the bedroom and the other in whatever room of the house he or they spend the most time in and see if anything comes up. But one very important thing here, no matter what you hear on the recordings, DO NOT confront him with it, and do not let on to him that you're suspicious of anything. If there is something on the recordings then get a cheap spy camera to plant in whatever room the recording was from, gain access to his cell phone and email, and keep collecting evidence. But DO NOT confront him until you have rock solid proof that something is going on. If you confront too quickly or without solid proof they'll just find ways to hide it. Make sure you have evidence that they cannot deny.
IDK, to me there is something suspicious about suddenly making an OSF to the point where they are spending alone time together ... She comes over when you are at work, serious? Kick his ass out is the first thing that comes to mind ...
Do you think your Husband would tolerate the opposite (you suddenly made an OSF and had him come over your house when your H was gone)???
I think in general it's fine. A friend is a friend, regardless of them being a man or a woman.
If your relationship is not in a great place though, I can understand why you'd feel threatened by it. If that is the case though, deal with the problems in your relationship, not with the fact that your husband has a new female friend.
Do you suspect that something is going on with them, more than friendship? And if so, what's happened to make you think that way?
I'll weigh in on the meeting occasionally in public for an hour or two once or twice a month is fine, but the situation you describe just sounds bad and is causing you to be suspicious (which is reasonable enough).
Sometimes if I'm working with a female coworker we go out to celebrate a court victory or go out to plan strategy over some vittles and a drink (just one or two - alcohol tends to be an impediment to making good marriage-centered decisions). I'd never invite her over to my place when my wife was out, though, and I try as much as possible to make sure that I'm not alone with a female who isn't my wife or daughter. It may sound infantile, but even at my firm if I have a female alone in my office with me I leave the door open, or if the topics I'm discussing won't allow the door to be open I keep the internal blinds open so people can see into the office. If neither of those are advisable or feasible I have an assistant in whenever possible. Over-cautious? Maybe. But I think it's the best way to keep folks from wondering and talking.
I guess the VARs would do a lot to either prove that their interactions at home are harmless...or not...You'd probably be able to discern the nature of their relationship after one time. Still, if he doesn't change his habits you'd start to wonder if something could develop in the future even if you had pretty solid proof on the recordings that it hadn't developed yet, and you'd be at square one again. He's simply got to change what he's doing.
It may sound infantile, but even at my firm if I have a female alone in my office with me I leave the door open, or if the topics I'm discussing won't allow the door to be open I keep the internal blinds open so people can see into the office. If neither of those are advisable or feasible I have an assistant in whenever possible. Over-cautious? Maybe. But I think it's the best way to keep folks from wondering and talking.
I don't think this is infantile. I will not have a meeting in my office with a female and the door closed unless there is an additional person in there.
I would think it strange if my husband suddenly had a female friend but in our generation, men and women generally don't have opposite sex friendships. The younger generations seem to have a different attitude regarding OSF.
Has your husband always had OSFs? Or is this a new thing?
I disagree. I think the younger generation still wants to **** their OSF, just like the older generation. They just PRETEND they have a different attitude.
I never had a female friend. Men are genetically programmed to see women as potential mates. I never viewed a female as a friend, just a potential sex partner. I cannot think of one thing I would enjoy doing with a woman other than sex. I do enjoy talking to my wife's friends or wives of my friends but I do not hang out or email/text them. I had one fiancee and one girlfriend who had a male friend and they both cheated on me with their male friends, even though one was my best friend.
We can talk all you want about being more advanced due to our brains, but put women with men long enough and there will be sex. When emotions emerge, they overpower your brain and we make bad choices in life. I got friendly with a woman who I saw on the bus I took to work and also from work. She would save me a seat and even gave me rides from the bus stop to my house 5 blocks away. We ended up having sex for 4 months before I broke it up. Then she stalked me so much that I moved out of State. There were no stalking laws back in the old days and no caller ID either.
Same thing would happen if I got too friendly with women at work. We would end up having sex. I was not in a monogamous marriage but if I was, I think I would have cheated because I am driven to have sex with every women I am attracted to. My wife knew this before we married and hence the non monogamous marriage. Plus I let her girlfriend move in with us.
Every woman that started to get friendly with me soon knew that my interest was not in a close friendship but sex. I have a good sense of humor and used that to inform them that I was interested in something other than sex. I do not hold doors open for friends, tell them they look hot or look for excuses to touch their arms when It talk to them. I do let them see me stare at their good stuff. They never mistook me for a friend. I would go crazy if my wife had a male friend. Nothing good can come of it. It is a genetic thing, at least with alpha males.
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