General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. We have had several ups and downs. Mostly, because of him. He would run away but then come back after 6 months or so. I wouldn't stop him from going away, and would always accept him back gladly.
Since the past one year I was noticing stability in Him. He's a Merchant Navy Officer, aged 22. I'm 22 as well. He introduced me to his family and cousins as well. He also told me to tell my parents so he wouldn't run away like always because he had regretted every single time that he left me. Things were okay the two months that he was home. Then he went back. Communication weakened. We started having fights. Earlier he would win me back. But since some 4-5 months its getting ugly. He says I irritate Him. Says he wants to break up, yet he doesn;t let me talk to any of my guyfriends. He forces me to accept his decisions or else he blocks my phone number and I keep calling him throughout the night, which he unblocks next morning. When he's sad or depressed, or even normally but sometimes, he does send me messages saying how much he wants me and he knows he;s doing wrong to me. But then again he becomes the same man. He says he wants to break up with me and he's with me only for my happiness because I would go crazy if he left me. He says he doesn't Love me,yet he sends me those Missing you Love you messages when he's sttressed, and he thinks of me. I don't know what to do. I can't live without Him, and I need him. But I can't take this torture either. Please don't tell me to leave him, because it's not possible.
Also, we are each other's first and only Love. There has never been anyone else for either of us. Should I see a future with Him?
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
Can't do what you ask. You need to hear this.
So you've been with him since you were 14, you've never been with anyone else, he's not sure he wants to be with you and you think you can't live without him. You met you were children, Do you understand how children make decisions? Do realize that having a serious boyfriend at the age of 14 is a sign that you are needy? Look, he is comfortable with you because he knows that you will always accept him regardless of how he treats you. He goes out and tries to find someone new and when he fails he comes crawling back to you for comfort and sex. He knows that you have low self esteem and are easy to manipulate. You are being used.
You need to work on yourself and become an independent person. Your relationship is unhealthy. Sorry to say that your relationship has almost no chance to survive. When you are older (like 28) you will be a different person and will look back and wonder what you were thinking. Don't waste some the best years of your life on someone that isn't sure he wants to be with you.
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
We're not Physically involved. Comfort, yes it may be the case. But He's not looking around for anyone else, and that I'm sure of.
Does it bring any change of opinion now? :l
easy to manipulate, I would agree on that. he has the dominating hand in the relationship. Things just changed in these past 4 months, otherwise He was very co-operative.
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
Darlin', you are only 22. Break it off and figure out who you are as a person, live life, go to school, get a job, make new friends, learn to love yourself.
Most relationships end. That's just how it is. There are MANY men out there who will be fun to date and when you fall in love again, you will be glad you didn't settle for some guy who is not that into you.
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
I understand that the best solution is to call it quits. But I have tried it before, and it does not seem practical to me. I thought may be there was something I could do to fix it. Other than giving him space, which obviously I am trying.
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
Quote:
Originally Posted by BreatheLove
I understand that the best solution is to call it quits. But I have tried it before, and it does not seem practical to me. I thought may be there was something I could do to fix it. Other than giving him space, which obviously I am trying.
What????
Honey you don't have a choice--he has told you he wants out. He doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't like your friends. He blocks your #. He says he irritates you. He doesn't want to be with you.
So why do you want to be with someone who treats you like sh!t?
It's not about being practical. It's about being REAL. And reality is, he isn't into you.
And thank goodness for that cause he sounds like an a$$hole.
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
I thought may be he was pissed at me for not giving him space and thats why he was behaving this way. To gain freedom. I thought giving him space might work out. I don't know. It's hard for me to let go of an 8 year old relationship though. Thats why I was more into fixing it, if somehow I could give it a shot.
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
Girl, 8 years is a LONG time but see, you are trying to make excuses for him wanting out. You are trying to come up with any excuse so you can hang on.
You need to start believing him when he says what he wants. Believe his actions, not his words.
He has told you he wants out. SO accept that and believe.
It's like me telling you "I love the color blue." And you saying "No you really like the color red."
No I don't. I like the color blue.
Accept what he is telling you.
Clinging like a vine is going to make you look desperate/psycho/low self-esteem.
NEVER EVER chase after someone who's running away from you and treating your poorly.
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
I guess that was what used to bring him back to me before. I would never stop him from leaving. Lately I've grown dependent on him. And too much, as I can see.
May be I should just let go. Instead of making him realise, leave him on his own. Right?
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
You BOTH have some growing up to do! Like someone else said.... go to school, find your calling/career.... live for YOURSELF, find out who you are. He needs to do the same. Ya'll were too young to get so involved....so give each other the gift of SPACE to learn and grow!!!
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
I'm really sorry to give you an answer that you don't want, but your relationship is NOT going to get better or improve, no matter how much you wish for it. You're very young and your problems are only going to get more complicated as you get older. He's going to keep doing this to you. Dominating relationships do tend to worsen. As he loses more and more respect for you over time, you will become more needy and he will become more manipulative and mean. It sounds like the ONLY reason he is still around is because you are convenient, comfortable, and familiar. You have more value than that, even if you don't see it against the weight of your emotional investment. Yes, eight years is a very long time. However...clinging to a failing relationship with a boy who does not intend to treat you well is just going to erode your self esteem further and further. What will happen when you've been together 3 more years and he starts having lots of physical affairs with others right in front of you without ever even leaving you? How crummy will you feel? And, when he starts treating you like his emotional punching bag because he's disgusted by your lack of self-respect for tolerating his behavior, will you simply say "Oh, it will work out, I can't throw away 11 years!" Don't do this to yourself. You might think he's the love of your life or something, but he is just not. Break up with him. This is NOT what marriage is based on. Trust me. I'm married but separated from a guy who has used me for comfort and stability while cheating on me and treating me badly and I can see that pattern develop. When you're in your mid-30s and broken because you put all your trust in an untrustworthy person, you're going to have a lot less resilience to bounce back and find happiness in your life. Please, for the sake of any future happiness you might want, leave this guy and do not look back.
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup
Listen, it is tough to walk away when you still have feelings for someone, especially since he's all you've ever known. But it is the right thing to do. Break ups are usually hard, but people survive them every day and go on to be happier with people who are more able to be good to them.
You are so young and inexperienced that you have NO IDEA what you are missing with a more loving person. There are going to be plenty of guys who will love you more than this clown. But before you will be in a position to attract a better man, you have to grow up and learn how to love and respect yourself. A girl who respects herself does not allow a guy to manipulate her. A girl who respects herself knows how to stand up for herself and to set healthy boundaries.
There are things in your childhood that probably caused you to feel like you don't deserve better, but you do! Figure out how to value yourself.
Wanting someone to be a good guy doesn't mean it will happen. You can't do anything to change another person, you can only change yourself.
8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup 
Re: 8 years of Relationship and now He wants breakup 
