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post #106 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:54 AM
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

Blokey, you are both so young, these should be the best days of your lives sexually!

1. how was she before you got married? Did you have sex or was it the same?
2. You are a perfectly young healthy male who wants to be intimate with his young wife, nothing wrong at all
3. Your wife sounds really conservative, and things sex is an ugly process, she definitely has some problems. Was she brought up in a strict religious family or school or maybe she's a victim of CSA?

4. You need to take a break after sitting her down and telling her your needs. I would suggest she read His Needs Her Needs to see the needs of a healthy man in a marriage.
5. When you say sexual fantasies, I am wondering have you scared her by forcing her to do anything? You can be open here.
6. On the face of it , the other posters are right, you are not compatible, but is she has a problems due to issues in her past, maybe it is something that can be got past

Dont let her manipulate you into having kids, you need to resolve the intimacy issues first.

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post #107 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 06:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

Quote:
Originally Posted by aine View Post
Blokey, you are both so young, these should be the best days of your lives sexually!



1. how was she before you got married? Did you have sex or was it the same?

2. You are a perfectly young healthy male who wants to be intimate with his young wife, nothing wrong at all

3. Your wife sounds really conservative, and things sex is an ugly process, she definitely has some problems. Was she brought up in a strict religious family or school or maybe she's a victim of CSA?



4. You need to take a break after sitting her down and telling her your needs. I would suggest she read His Needs Her Needs to see the needs of a healthy man in a marriage.

5. When you say sexual fantasies, I am wondering have you scared her by forcing her to do anything? You can be open here.

6. On the face of it , the other posters are right, you are not compatible, but is she has a problems due to issues in her past, maybe it is something that can be got past



Dont let her manipulate you into having kids, you need to resolve the intimacy issues first.


Hi

I have asked her if she has any issues in he past and I have dug as deep as I can but there is no evidence of anything bad happening to her in her life. Her mother, father and sisters are all very open and not conservative and at all so she is very much the black sheep of
The family in that sense.

I feel I can be honest but the only thing I ever suggested in terms of fantasy is that I like it when she wears heels to go out and I would like it if she was the wear them in the bedroom and I also said how much I desire oral sex, she did try and has tried oral on me a few times more recently but she doesn't enjoy it or want to be doing it which makes me feel awful for suggesting it
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post #108 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 07:38 AM
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

Does she even love you? At this point, I'd expect she'd be heartbroken over the prospect of permanently losing you. She'd either up her game or be open to some counseling. Seems like she just wants a certain lifestyle and a baby, and it doesn't really matter where that comes from.
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post #109 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 08:59 AM Thread Starter
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New Guy from UK... Hi all

I'm 100% certain she loves me, well, I think she does in her own way

She does seem a bit stressed or anxious but knows exactly the issues in no uncertain terms

I'm trying to be as nice as I can even though my frustrations are clear to see but she insists it's me thatmust change, she will
Not speak to any one about it... not even family

I think she would be heartbroken but she does say often if it ends it's my choice , it's my decision and she doesn't want anything to change


Without sounding awful, she's got such a fantastic body !!!! And with my high drive I just really want to push her on gone bed and kiss her as I have wanted to for years ..... so it's certainly not lack of attractiveness
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post #110 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 01:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

She has said she's isn't emotionally ready for sex as she's too upset over the prospect of losing me ... so it's just a catch 22 hahaha oh Jesus
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post #111 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 11:39 AM
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

Is she ever emotionally ready for sex???

I would think if she really wanted you, she would be trying to love and sex bomb you back into the relationship.

The fact she isn't says a lot.
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post #112 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 03:35 AM
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

Hi there,

I'm probably not the right person to be replying (going through issues of my own) but have you tried meeting her half way? If she likes cuddling/spooning then as you're doing that let her know "I'm going to kiss your neck" etc before you do it. She might just be one of those people who needs to be warned before you touch her?

Then maybe she'd relax into it a lot more? Also, does she realise that she can't have a child with you unless she opens up sexually a bit more?
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post #113 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 01:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

My problem is thiigh, even if I warn her I have urges to touch her lower than her clit and she won't allow that, I want to give her oral and she won't entertain it

I have urges and unfortunately my stupid urges have broken up
My marriage, it's probably just sadness for losing it speaking but maybe I should of just given in and accepted regular sex in the same routine
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post #114 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 03:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

She will never try and sex bomb me. Ack into the relationship, however as shallow as it sounds if she went out, got some nice underwear and invited me back purely for sex id go... we would make love and if that carried on I'd go back... look forward to a know holiday together of sex was involved and probably a life together... but I feel so shallow and **** saying that!!! It's just sex, in throwing it all
Away over sex
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post #115 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 06:21 PM
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

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She will never try and sex bomb me... It's just sex, in throwing it all
Away over sex
That's pretty awful, isn't it? She loves you, ostensibly would do anything to keep you. EXCEPT sex. EXCEPT the thing that all other wives do to have intimacy with their husbands.

And that's the key word--intimacy. It's not "just sex." It's that your love language is physical intimacy, touch. She cannot speak that language and is not even willing to try for your sake.

I wish her luck in her next relationship. She's going to need a lot of it.

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post #116 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 01:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

She is a lovely lovely person and wouldn't hurt a soul, and it's all
My issues , she keeps telling me all this is on my terms.. in the one ending it...

She wants me forever so I said why didn't we have sex on that weekend away last weekend in the fancy hotel we booked?? I know she wasn't emotionally ready but we have had regular sex for 9 years... what am I going to do to her? I held her hand all night and kissed her in the bars , brought her dinner and her drinks, paid for the musical.... talked to her on the train all the way there... I'm just so lost and confused I'm at that stage where I'm afraid I'll just go back and then a year later crave sex again in the way I want it
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post #117 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 02:41 AM
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

Get a sex therapist - maybe you go and see one alone to start off with, that might help.
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post #118 of 151 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 02:47 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

I'm looking into this as I type it
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post #119 of 151 (permalink) Old 05-03-2017, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

Well Iv been gone almost 3 weeks now.... still feeling a bit lost and unsure but she's determined she can't change and we have Barely spoken
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post #120 of 151 (permalink) Old 05-03-2017, 12:08 PM
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Re: New Guy from UK... Hi all

Is she getting psychiatric help for her unhealthy thinking about sex in marriage? Her saying that breasts are for babies is just plain crazy. They are for babies, and for her and your enjoyment.

Let me preface what I'm about to say by telling you that I believe in the Bible. Even in the Bible (in the book "The Song of Solomon") the wife's husband talks about breasts a lot, in figurative language. Does your wife believe in the Bible? If she does, the two of you could sit down and read the Song of Solomon together. It is pretty hot and might get her mind wandering, once she realizes she has permission to enjoy herself, your body, and to allow you to enjoy her body.

Last edited by Araucaria; 05-03-2017 at 04:12 PM.
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