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New Guy from UK... Hi all

15K views 157 replies 23 participants last post by  DayOne 
#1 ·
Hi

I hope your all well, I'm a 29 year old guy from the uk. I'd like to introduce myself and point out in not here to moan, i just have lots of stuff I need to say and don't really have anywhere to voice it.

I have been married for around 2 years now, and I love her dearly but we do miss that spark. Now this is entirely my fault as the spark was never there on s physical level so I can't expect it to appear but as I have got older I just want or need it... is that ridiculous? I want her to want me on a physical level...???

We can't talk about anything related to sex as she gets embarrassed and has led a very sheltered life and thinks everyone does it in one position on the bed in darkness , which is fine for her but I came from some much more sexually exciting relationships where I was her first and she has no intentions on changing.. and why would she? It's me who has to change and get rid of my desires to want to kiss with passion and have sex for more then the purpose of producing a baby!!

We get on ok, kind of like mates.. we have no reason to argue or fall out unless I bring something up and we could just plod along like this forever.

She is desperate for a kid, I agreed and we have tried for twelve months but now she's obsessed, I mean we have sex to 'make a baby' and I know that will die off once she has one. She looks after the mates kids all the time, constantly buying them presents... it's nice but why is she not showing any interest in holiday brochures im bringing home to try and make the most of our kid free time? Why has she just been away for 5 days and when she came back there wasn't a kiss?? Or a iv Missed you she just goes back inside and gets her phone out while i tidy the shed!!

Iv told her I want to wait for s kid, I want to do exciting things and see places with her but nothing's happened... she has a spark for the kid and that's it.... I feel like we're mates... good ones but I want and need a lover, I need someone who's on my level mentally and physically and isn't obsessed with kids.... iv told her all this and iv told her we need to wait but it just comes down to me having s time limit and I have to decide in 3 months if I want one or it's not fair and why should she stay with me if I can't give her s kid right this min!!!

She's only 28!!

We have lived together for years, we don't share any passions other than eating out and I don't know what to do!!! Iv given up my hobbies which were fairly extravagant as she didn't share them with me and had no interests even though they are things that can be shared

I need to turn it around from being mates to lovers ... help me.... I don't know what to do :( it's breaking my heart it really is


Sorry for the rant I don't expect anyone will get this far
 
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#145 ·
A day at a time, remember why you originally posted? Remember those issues, have you forgotten so soon? It's going to feel really odd, because everything that was normal and habit as just been turned upside down. If this is going to be a season of just time apart for space, use the time productively. All those things you couldn't do, do. Find yourself again. She was attracted to that man in the beginning,so when you do see her you have things to talk about, things you've done.
If you feel that after a time separation is likely, still do these things but set longer time goals, it will for sure take time to get used to a newer way of living, but each positive will make you stronger.



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#146 ·
I feel much calmer today, possibly lack of
Sleep
Ha!!

But I have emptied stuff out the house, booked to meet a divorce solicitor on Friday and for the house to be sold and it's up to her if she wants to buy me out then

I remember the good times but also find it strange how she's just replaced me with a mate , but that's all she wanted any way so hey ho

One day I'll find a woman who wants to want me as much as I want them and wants to share flying etc with me
 
#149 ·
Your not the first person to ask that today, my house isn't normally all that tidy but it's spotless, there's loads of treats in the house like sweets and biscuits and special soya milk and butter In the fridge

It's weird, you wouldn't do all that for a mate ... she's only known her a few weeks but she's seeing her every day

The other girl has recently left her fella and it seems like a 'we hate men' club
 
#154 ·
So I left, had a hard time for a while but got over things in my own way

My wife and I tried a councillor , which didn't go well

I never spent another night in the marital home after I left and she didn't feel comfy with me around

Randomly I met a girl, who hadn't been married but had a separation at around a similar time to me so we said we would date and see if we could become mates first as that's what we agreed was missing from our previously relationships.

Thighs are going really well, we have a great sex life, we seem to enjoy each other's company and we spend a lot of time together.

So was it worth the pain? Yes!

The divorce is going through, we are arguing over the house but things are looking up
 
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