3 Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't) - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 07:36 AM Thread Starter
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3 Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't)

Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't) | Brides

I have often posted that many married people try to fix their spouses after a marriage and then are unhappy when that does not happen. It also causes a lot of friction. "Fixing" often really means, do it my way without understanding your spouse's point of view or how their way may be better for them. I have posted many times that what you see is what you get but still married couples think they can fix their spouse after the wedding. Here is a very short read from Cosmo that I came across. Yes I am a man and this is from Cosmo but I like to research areas of interest to me. Perhaps my understanding of marriage after being in one for 44 years and still going, can help others.

When you observe things for a long time, you tend to see couples making the same mistakes that kills many marriages. Why does my husband do X or Y. The answer is usually that they did X and Y before you married them but you thought they would change. Why does my wife not like sex? Probably did not like it much before marriage either and you thought she would become a kinky tiger in bed when she got the permission slip called a marriage license. Worse yet, you never had sex and then are surprised that he or she does not enjoy sex like your friend's spouses do or will not perform sex acts that you like. One of, and perhaps the only benefit of being old is to learn from your own and other people's mistakes. I am not perfect either. I look back on my life and see the common mistakes but I adapt quickly and do not expect my wife to change.

One example of what still bothers me to this day. My wife has a habit of going to the bathroom, getting something to eat, brushing her teeth, etc., when a movie starts. She often misses the first 5 or more movies. Many movies set up the story in the beginning so if you miss it, the plot is difficult to follow. Sometimes she does not even know what planet the moving is taking part in. Is this earth in the future or in a galaxy far, far away after the rebellion was crushed 10 years before.

Anyway, read the article. It is just three points being made.

Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't) | Brides


Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 02:08 AM
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Re: 3 Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't)

I just wanna fix myself....,


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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 03:34 AM
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Vinnydee, could you fix a few of your wrong words... (I do this too)... Your wife really missed 5 movies to get popcorn?

I'm the kind of guy who goes to the movies for the movies. No drinks or food. You can get real food later for half the price. Missing the opening bugs the hell out of me.

Solution for your wife. Go to the theater 10min earlier than you usually do. Get whatever grub she may want while she has her tinkle. At worst, there are diapers... But she may hit you...
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 03:44 AM
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Oh yeah... Forgot this part:
You can try to improve yourself and your partners live as a team. The only areas I have worked with my wife was related to health: drinking. Smoking. Junk food and soda drinks. Seriously she has inhaled Dr.pepper. luckily I'm a DP person too.

So far so good with drinking (1 yr). Smoking has gone to vaping (she does want to end that someday. I don't talk to her about it). Junk food has its improvements. And finally she has severly reduced her soda intake which is so bad for our health... Bones and fat... Her bones and my fat. So we don't stock soda in the home anymore... Finally.

I do wish she would quit wanting a boobjob thou...
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 06:18 AM
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Re: 3 Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't)

The first time we went to the movies, back in 1993, my husband remarked scornfully on all the people eating in the theater. That must not have been a tradition in his native country, where people generally did not eat outside mealtimes. He said those people looked like rats.

I was kind of bummed out to hear his position on snacks at the movies. I asked him if he did not think it might be fun to get a snack? Didn't he feel at all left out when he saw those people with that fun food, while we had nothing?

"No," he said. "I feel proud."

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 07:27 AM
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Re: 3 Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't)

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
The first time we went to the movies, back in 1993, my husband remarked scornfully on all the people eating in the theater. That must not have been a tradition in his native country, where people generally did not eat outside mealtimes. He said those people looked like rats.

I was kind of bummed out to hear his position on snacks at the movies. I asked him if he did not think it might be fun to get a snack? Didn't he feel at all left out when he saw those people with that fun food, while we had nothing?

"No," he said. "I feel proud."
I always thought it was a requirement to get popcorn at the movies!?

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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 07:33 AM
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Re: 3 Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't)

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The first time we went to the movies, back in 1993, my husband remarked scornfully on all the people eating in the theater. That must not have been a tradition in his native country, where people generally did not eat outside mealtimes. He said those people looked like rats.

I was kind of bummed out to hear his position on snacks at the movies. I asked him if he did not think it might be fun to get a snack? Didn't he feel at all left out when he saw those people with that fun food, while we had nothing?

"No," he said. "I feel proud."
Well now I understand more about his posts.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 07:59 AM
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Re: 3 Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't)

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The first time we went to the movies, back in 1993, my husband remarked scornfully on all the people eating in the theater. That must not have been a tradition in his native country, where people generally did not eat outside mealtimes. He said those people looked like rats.

I was kind of bummed out to hear his position on snacks at the movies. I asked him if he did not think it might be fun to get a snack? Didn't he feel at all left out when he saw those people with that fun food, while we had nothing?

"No," he said. "I feel proud."
I laughed out loud when I read this. No wonder the word French for "to snack" is "gringnoter" which, I was told by a Frenchman, originally described how mice eat.

In the UK now, there are "cinema clubs" where the seats are arranged with small tables so that you can order drinks (alcoholic even) and food that's clearly a step up from a regular cinema.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 08:09 AM
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Re: 3 Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't)

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I laughed out loud when I read this. No wonder the word French for "to snack" is "gringnoter" which, I was told by a Frenchman, originally described how mice eat.
I just read this to Dug. He said it's true.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:51 AM
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Re: 3 Signs You're Trying to Fix Your Spouse (And Why You Shouldn't)

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I was kind of bummed out to hear his position on snacks at the movies. I asked him if he did not think it might be fun to get a snack? Didn't he feel at all left out when he saw those people with that fun food, while we had nothing?
No snacks at the movies??? That is very interesting. Different but I would more appreciative of that concept than the way they do things here. Must stand for the full anthem before the film and there's an intermission mid-way. Drives me nuts but the locals stand by it! Why can't people just get enough snacks before ughh and the anthem, at the movies? Who does that?!

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