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post #16 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-26-2017, 11:31 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

These percentages seem awfully high to me. I don't know anyone like the men mentioned who visit sex workers. I too tend to think that the number of women cheating these days seems higher than the number of men cheating.

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post #17 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 06:12 AM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

It could well be true that only 20% of men are monogamous, but I highly doubt it. I'd say more like 60-70% from my experience of friends and family etc... Perhaps that is slightly optimistic though!

As for prostitutes, I would definitely see that as being unfaithful and completely unacceptable. If a man wants "variety" he should stay single and just have lots of short "friends with benefits" relationships.

If you are married then you sleep with one woman and one woman only!!

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post #18 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 09:48 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Yeah I know 2 people at work whose wives had affairs and who stayed with them. The wives as they describe them sound awful, one guy is just staying for the kids, the other thinks he is working it out. We get a lot more women cheating on the men on this board too. Sometimes I wonder if this is a new thing or it's just tech has made it harder to get away with.

Then there are is genetic proof of paternity fraud in family lines. I used to believe the line about the fairer sex. No longer. Now I believe both genders suck.
There are no scientifically valid numbers anywhere in this area of study so every number is more or less a crapshoot based upon feelings and multiple biases.

That being said, my FEELING and experience is that men still cheat a lot more than women. Women just have more support groups and friends to confide in (as well as much less fear of seeking help from counselors) and they are not quite as ashamed of being a betrayed wife as men are, in general, of being a betrayed husband so seeing men in larger numbers on anonymous infidelity forums shouldn't be surprising to anyone.

Women are just much more likely to know what to do themselves {and wayward husbands are more likely to dump the OW upon getting caught} where there is less similar innate or instinctual such interpersonal marital relational skills in men {and cheating women get more caught up in the illusion of the affair and fail to dump OM right away}. Up until 150 years ago we'd have simply abandoned them or beat our "chattel" into compliance and then "tarred and feathered" or killed the OM if we caught 'em. Women weren't permitted to have affairs. That wasn't their lot whereas their lots DID consist of enduring and combatting, to the extent permitted, their husband's affairs, multiple wives and escapades for centuries.

I wish I could say everything in one word. I hate all the things that can happen between the beginning of a sentence and the end. ~ Leonard Cohen

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post #19 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 10:21 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

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There are no scientifically valid numbers anywhere in this area of study so every number is more or less a crapshoot based upon feelings and multiple biases.

That being said, my FEELING and experience is that men still cheat a lot more than women. Women just have more support groups and friends to confide in (as well as much less fear of seeking help from counselors) and they are not quite as ashamed of being a betrayed wife as men are, in general, of being a betrayed husband so seeing men in larger numbers on anonymous infidelity forums shouldn't be surprising to anyone.

Women are just much more likely to know what to do themselves {and wayward husbands are more likely to dump the OW upon getting caught} where there is less similar innate or instinctual such interpersonal marital relational skills in men {and cheating women get more caught up in the illusion of the affair and fail to dump OM right away}. Up until 150 years ago we'd have simply abandoned them or beat our "chattel" into compliance and then "tarred and feathered" or killed the OM if we caught 'em. Women weren't permitted to have affairs. That wasn't their lot whereas their lots DID consist of enduring and combatting, to the extent permitted, their husband's affairs, multiple wives and escapades for centuries.
For once I agree with you post though I would say men cheat more, but not a lot more. It seems to be just getting worse. Though when you see articles that range historical paternity fraud at between 5% to 25%, 5 is too high but if it is really 25% it's a wonder anyone gets marred.
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post #20 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 10:42 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

A few years ago there was a study done on just males and females without noting their marital status. It made the news and Vanity Fair magazine. It said that 50-60% of women and 70% of men, cheat. It also noted that each year the women are catching up with the men. Most of the people I knew cheated, including all our old friends and our siblings. As some said, cheating is so prevalent and mainstream that you take your marital vows with a wink and a nod.

My ex fiancee cheated on me which is why she is my ex. I had one girlfriend having sex with my friends together and separately. I cheated on most of my girlfriends and on my wife. However, my wife knew I was poly before we married, so she agreed to a non-monogamous marriage going forward, which came in real handy when she discovered that she is bi and wanted sex with women. I know, not your typical marriage but we have had a fantastic marriage for over 44 years now. We simply accepted that sex can be just sex and did not have to be the marriage crime of the century. We could not betray each other because we did not vow to be monogamous. Despite our freedom, there were only 9 other sex parents in all that time and 4 or 5 of them were shared by me and my wife. I know people who have cheated more times that that in a year.

Read my signature below. Most people still cling to a model of marriage that fails half of the time. Would you buy a car that only works half of the time? Nope, but you will enter into a lifelong contract called marriage that costs a lot of money to get out of. Society is currently hung up on serial monogamy where you first destroy the life you made with your spouse before you can morally have sex with someone else. I never loved my wife less just because I had sex with someone else. Take a look at this:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-2064...er-people.html

As the article says, it is not for everyone and in fact, I do not recommend it because I have seen if fail a lot more times than succeed. We just had the right combination of people. We never even had a single argument as my wife recently remarked on. Not trying to convert anyone either. Just want to get the message that we do not have to live in a one size fits all marriages. Even rats have the good sense to desert a sinking ship.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
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post #21 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 10:42 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
For once I agree with you post though I would say men cheat more, but not a lot more. It seems to be just getting worse. Though when you see articles that range historical paternity fraud at between 5% to 25%, 5 is too high but if it is really 25% it's a wonder anyone gets marred.
I FEEL we've agreed more than just this once but I'm no statistician.

Maybe it wasn't paternity fraud. Maybe the baby's just got mixed up at the hospital.

Here's an interesting tale of such that absent some dumb luck, might have been characterized as possible paternity fraud: Pilgrim Soul: A Hagiography: Who Would've Thought...It Figures?

I wish I could say everything in one word. I hate all the things that can happen between the beginning of a sentence and the end. ~ Leonard Cohen
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post #22 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 11:23 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

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I FEEL we've agreed more than just this once but I'm no statistician.

Maybe it wasn't paternity fraud. Maybe the baby's just got mixed up at the hospital.

Here's an interesting tale of such that absent some dumb luck, might have been characterized as possible paternity fraud: Pilgrim Soul: A Hagiography: Who Would've Thought...It Figures?
5% though. That seems like more of an anomaly.

Maybe people being more open about not wanting to get married will cut down on the cheating. Though I don't agree with it two people having open marriages is better then each one of them in a marriage where they cheat on their spouse.

Who knows. The world changes we just go along for the ride. The next big thing is going to be automation and the loss of like 50% of all the jobs, but that is too much of a thread jack.
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post #23 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 02:12 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

50/50

In my opinion women and men cheat at the same rate.
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post #24 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 02:15 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

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I was listening to a male talk show host discuss men and infidelity. He said in his opinion, through studies and just what he has seen over the years amongst his peers, that 20% of men are faithful & monagamous, 20% you can't trust as far as you can throw them, but that the majority-60% love their wives but go on work trips or golf trips and pay escorts for sexual favors. Or they go to a massage place and get a "happy ending". He said these men truly feel that these monthly indiscretions are no big deal and that's it's just biological and scratching an itch. The callers tended to agree with his assesment. One caller was a sex worker who said her married clients are happy at home they just want variety. She suggested women offer to come to an escort with their husband! Just wanted to hear some of your opinions. I certainly hope it's not true that only 20% of married/ attached men are completely monogamous. Thoughts?
I have never cheated on any partner but I have friends who have and generally its because they are either not happy waiting for something better to come along. I think the statistics are way off personally.

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post #25 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 02:32 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

Sounds to me like that male talk show host is trying to justify something and/or boost ratings.


People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #26 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 04:29 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

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Well, praise God ~ I undoubtedly must belong to that 20%!
As is my husband, and all good men.
I have heard that about 50% of married people will cheat at some point in their marriage. While that is tragic, it still leave millions of people who never cheat and that's positive.

I would definitely say that going to a masseur for that is cheating. As for her suggesting that their wives come along, that is so offensive.
Some will justify anything because they want to do it.
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post #27 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 04:45 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

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Originally Posted by chillymorn69 View Post
50/50

In my opinion women and men cheat at the same rate.
I agree with this, consider that if married men or women are cheating with other married men and women, that would be break it down to 50/50. And I consider single men and women who knowingly sleep with married people as cheaters, too. So, 50/50 sounds right, to me.

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post #28 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 04:47 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

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As is my husband, and all good men.
I have heard that about 50% of married people will cheat at some point in their marriage. While that is tragic, it still leave millions of people who never cheat and that's positive.

I would definitely say that going to a masseur for that is cheating. As for her suggesting that their wives come along, that is so offensive.
Some will justify anything because they want to do it.
I've read your posts and really admire your marriage, and your relationship. I'm hopeful that my marriage will be like yours. You both really respect each other.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #29 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 06:41 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

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The statistics about fidelity/cheating are tough to pin down. Standard stats say about 23% of men cheat, vs. about 18% of women. Others indicate that at least half of both men and women will cheat at some point. Over 80% are never found out. Much depends on your definition of cheating - is a happy ending massage cheating, or not? Does it take an emotional attachment and/or PIV sex to be cheating? Or - for some - it may simply be watching porn. So, it's all ambiguous without defining terms and picking the right statistical study.
Yes, I think the key to the statistics is the definition. Yes, cheating is a slippery slope. Personally, I would not divorce my wife if she occasionally: watched porn, went to a Chippendale's review, attended a hen-party where a male stripper showed up and got fondled by a bunch of drunk women, played with a vibrator without me, read romance novels, or had a massage that involved her getting some degree of genital stimulation. Do those things obsessively would be a different matter.

On the other hand an emotional affair with no actual sexual contact would devastate me. If she had PIV with another man, I would have to think long and hard about staying in the marriage and ever being able to fully trust her again.

I think we all have our lines that we draw in the sand and that line may change from time to time as we mature, as we understand the frail nature of the human spirit, and as we bond more deeply with our partner.

I mean look at what Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin have put up with and not divorced their husbands.

Also it depends on cultural attitudes. I would wager that some cultures and countries have much lower percentages of cheating. There are lots of studies that show that prostitution use is high in certain countries where it is considered fairly accessible. "...A Spanish Health Ministry survey in 2009 put the percentage of one-time prostitute users at 32 percent...."

Spain, the world capital of prostitution? | The Independent
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post #30 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 07:44 PM
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Re: Infidelity Percentages

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I agree with this, consider that if married men or women are cheating with other married men and women, that would be break it down to 50/50.
Not really you my have one man cheat with more then one woman and vice-versa. Or a married person with a single person.
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