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Infidelity Percentages

4K views 41 replies 24 participants last post by  sokillme 
#1 ·
I was listening to a male talk show host discuss men and infidelity. He said in his opinion, through studies and just what he has seen over the years amongst his peers, that 20% of men are faithful & monagamous, 20% you can't trust as far as you can throw them, but that the majority-60% love their wives but go on work trips or golf trips and pay escorts for sexual favors. Or they go to a massage place and get a "happy ending". He said these men truly feel that these monthly indiscretions are no big deal and that's it's just biological and scratching an itch. The callers tended to agree with his assesment. One caller was a sex worker who said her married clients are happy at home they just want variety. She suggested women offer to come to an escort with their husband! Just wanted to hear some of your opinions. I certainly hope it's not true that only 20% of married/ attached men are completely monogamous. Thoughts?
 
#2 ·
Pretty sure it's an exaggeration to build up drama and conversation.

human nature to exaggerate. Talk show hyperbole.

Nevertheless, even if around 30-40 percent get an occasional bj from a stripper
or a special massage it's bad. I've known a lot of men that do, or at least brag about it.

Sign of the times, or just boys being boys like cave man days?
 
#6 ·
Hi, I know I don't have much of a history here, so I don't blame you for looking at an old post. My husband has been a truly devoted man to me for 27 years. Yes, I'm not a fan of that Greg guy but I trust my husband. He hasn't had to work with Greg ( Greg moved) since a couple months after I made that post. I've even been with him to a few work conferences in the past year and a half and it's been a good thing. I'm just an insecure person, he hasn't done anything to make me this way. So when I hear these opinions on radio, tv and even read some posts here. It can make people think that the faithful spouses are a minority.
 
#4 ·
The statistics about fidelity/cheating are tough to pin down. Standard stats say about 23% of men cheat, vs. about 18% of women. Others indicate that at least half of both men and women will cheat at some point. Over 80% are never found out. Much depends on your definition of cheating - is a happy ending massage cheating, or not? Does it take an emotional attachment and/or PIV sex to be cheating? Or - for some - it may simply be watching porn. So, it's all ambiguous without defining terms and picking the right statistical study.
 
#5 ·
This is a good point, and I'm definitely one who feels that an EA is just as much infidelity as a physical A. I've heard the statistic that only 20% of marriages are considered happy and fulfilling by both spouses. It seems to me that to be the successful 1 in 5, you have to have strong boundaries to protect the marriage, and both spouses need a higher level of emotional intelligence.
 
#7 ·
As an "almost cheating husband" I can tell you my experience and how I feel.
A good 30% of me thinks that doing it once in a while is not a big deal, however, the remaining 70% tells me that I would not be able to live with the guilt, because my wife didnt know about it. And sooner or late I will spill the beans with all the consequences.

I have never been with a sex worker, but I totally agree with them when they say that men need variety. This is what I am working on right now and it's not easy.

The last part where the sex worker says that some women bring their husbands to them...I totally see that! A woman will much rather deal with a husband that needs to get it on with somebody else in a well constructed, safe and delimited environment then chasing their husbands down with co-workers or strangers.
It's also true for men: remember that movie Gigolo with Richard Gere? There is one scene where a husband hires Gere, the gigolo sex worker, to have sex with his wife.
 
#8 · (Edited)
My observations may not reflect a larger reality, but very few men I know have ever been to a sex worker. Sub-single digit percentage. I know one whose dad took him to lose his virginity, a European family in the USA. Several combat vets who while on leave visited brothels.

Back when I had an office job with a fair amount of travel, there were frequently a variety of different coworkers along. The most I ever saw was men going to strip clubs and stuffing dollar bills in a g-string. No lap dances, VIP room (blowjobs), or anything else physical. No hookers, no picking up women in a bar. Lots of blowing off steam with drinking at the strip clubs or bars. Lots of expensive meals on the expense account.

The affairs I was aware of were all office coworker situations except for one neighbor who had a cocaine/hooker problem.

Obviously there would be affairs I never became aware of. Still I would say the percentage of disloyal husbands is not very high. I would estimate of all the men I know, the % of cheaters (PA) is single digits from what I am aware of. Certainly nowhere near the 80% the talkshow suggested. That's in my circles. I can see how it would be higher in other circles, affecting the overall numbers.

I am aware of far more wives who have cheated than husbands.

EA would be a different story, especially depending on the definition of EA. Lots of people develop little crushes or lusts. They may even engage in light flirting. There is a lot of grey zone there. Most men (and women) probably go through something like that but never take action on it. Most men also aren't going to get involved in a non-sexual love affair for very long without either taking it physical or ending it. EA statistics would be very difficult to even estimate imho.
 
#14 ·
Ruby210 said:
that 20% of men are faithful & monagamous, 20% you can't trust as far as you can throw them, but that the majority-60% love their wives but go on work trips or golf trips and pay escorts for sexual favors.



So which 20% is that? >:)
 
#15 ·
I'm sure it depends on what social circles you move in.

Those statistics might be close to accurate for certain segments of our society but have their polar opposition in other segments.

Infidelity at some point and form in a lifespan does account for a fairly high percentage of people.

Men who pay prostitutes for some form of sex as a lifestyle are probably not a large representation.

It would be hilarious if one of those men went for a happy ending massage to find his wife working there.
 
#17 ·
It could well be true that only 20% of men are monogamous, but I highly doubt it. I'd say more like 60-70% from my experience of friends and family etc... Perhaps that is slightly optimistic though!

As for prostitutes, I would definitely see that as being unfaithful and completely unacceptable. If a man wants "variety" he should stay single and just have lots of short "friends with benefits" relationships.

If you are married then you sleep with one woman and one woman only!!
 
#38 ·
It could well be true that only 20% of men are monogamous, but I highly doubt it. I'd say more like 60-70% from my experience of friends and family etc... Perhaps that is slightly optimistic though!
I believe the 20% figure for men who are monogamous is probably pretty accurate.

But just being realistic here, do any of us really expect our beloved family members (our grandfathers, our fathers, our uncles, etc.) to actually TELL us that they managed to get themselves some 'action' when they went to Chicago on business last year or that 3 weeks ago, after having a few drinks one night, the opportunity fell in their laps so they ran with it? Of course they're not going to admit that and they'll take it to the grave with them.

For that matter, what HUSBAND is just going to tell his wife that? Very, very, very, very FEW.

Most cheaters are of the mind, "what they DON'T know won't hurt them."
 
#20 ·
A few years ago there was a study done on just males and females without noting their marital status. It made the news and Vanity Fair magazine. It said that 50-60% of women and 70% of men, cheat. It also noted that each year the women are catching up with the men. Most of the people I knew cheated, including all our old friends and our siblings. As some said, cheating is so prevalent and mainstream that you take your marital vows with a wink and a nod.

My ex fiancee cheated on me which is why she is my ex. I had one girlfriend having sex with my friends together and separately. I cheated on most of my girlfriends and on my wife. However, my wife knew I was poly before we married, so she agreed to a non-monogamous marriage going forward, which came in real handy when she discovered that she is bi and wanted sex with women. I know, not your typical marriage but we have had a fantastic marriage for over 44 years now. We simply accepted that sex can be just sex and did not have to be the marriage crime of the century. We could not betray each other because we did not vow to be monogamous. Despite our freedom, there were only 9 other sex parents in all that time and 4 or 5 of them were shared by me and my wife. I know people who have cheated more times that that in a year.

Read my signature below. Most people still cling to a model of marriage that fails half of the time. Would you buy a car that only works half of the time? Nope, but you will enter into a lifelong contract called marriage that costs a lot of money to get out of. Society is currently hung up on serial monogamy where you first destroy the life you made with your spouse before you can morally have sex with someone else. I never loved my wife less just because I had sex with someone else. Take a look at this:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20649/why-my-husband-i-sometimes-have-sex-with-other-people.html

As the article says, it is not for everyone and in fact, I do not recommend it because I have seen if fail a lot more times than succeed. We just had the right combination of people. We never even had a single argument as my wife recently remarked on. Not trying to convert anyone either. Just want to get the message that we do not have to live in a one size fits all marriages. Even rats have the good sense to desert a sinking ship.
 
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