Last night, H and I got into an argument, and in the end, I decided to bring up the topic of my birthday. His reasoning for not taking time to help me celebrate is this: birthdays usually fall during weekdays, and then, we usually only celebrate in the evenings, and he didn't consider that it falls on a weekend this year, and there's more to the day than the evening. He's working hard, and is trying to get ahead, would love to spend some of the day with me, but just doesn't think he'll have time.
We cleared a lot of subjects last night during our talk, and in the end, he got teary and said that he's sure that we're going to be okay, and that everything is going to work out for us. I felt the need to tell him that I wasn't sure he understood the gravity of the situation, and that after 3-ish years of my being checked out, that I really am not sure if it's possible to check back in or fall in love with someone again. He is hell bent on trying until we make it, and I'm still on the fence about this whole situation. I really don't want to be a divorcee, but I also want to be happy, and I want him to be happy too. I don't want to regret not trying, but I don't want to spend the next 2 years still trying, then losing more time. Oh, and after pretty much telling him I'm almost done, and not really in love with him anymore, he was still ready for some sex, which never happened, but he was still ready to roll. Is this normal?
Last night, he said that he would love to have a family with me, but when I mentioned that he might have to give up his 1 after-work activity should we have children, he kind of balked at that, and said that he wouldn't give it up, but would just have to find a time that worked better to take part in it. I, on the other, understand that I would have to give up my 2 activities. I also mentioned again that with the mental illness in his family, that it would be unwise for us to procreate. For some reason, he thinks that these genes would only come from his Dad's side, and not his Mom's side. His sister is also severely affected, along with a number of family members from both sides.
I think I'll get online to see what my therapist's schedule is like, and when I can get in to see her again.