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post #46 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 11:43 PM
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

Biz,
We got married when our child was a year old. That was 25+ years ago - so - give me a sec while I do some quick math:

Ball park - 30,000 hours of marital operating experience.

Let's start with - I am baffled by your delivery style. You say: I got 2MM in life insurance. But not a word about how your fiancée reacted to that news. It is - seriously odd - to do something rock solid like that - and not even mention how the person you did it for reacted.



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Hello guys, I am new and would appreciate a third parties perspective on thing. My fiancee and I have been togeather for about 10 years, I am 26 and she is 27 we are supposed to get married this July at her parent's house in Seattle and we live on the other side of the country from them but anyways. We both have careers/stable jobs we enjoy and love but last few months with the pending marriage I have honestly been not sure how to put this I guess doubting the relationship? Things haven't been feeling the same for me not near as close as we were when we were first in this relationship and not feeling near as strongly in love and I feel like something is wrong with me. And I don't want to get married to her and then realize it was a mistake and waste all of this time and money and effort for nothing only to divorce right away ya know? So I have honestly been contemplating just ending the engagement/relationship and taking a step back and try and reevaluate. But I honestly don't know if that is the right call either ya know? We just found out we are expecting our first child and I don't want to abandon her right when we are about to become a family. Just honestly unsure what to do or how to handle this, Any advice is honestly much appreciated.


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post #47 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 01:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

I don't see it as odd or anything I guess we are just different when I told her that I had gotten life insurance it didn't make her more secure it made her angry so I honestly don't understand it.
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post #48 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 01:17 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

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The relationship isn't as good as it could be.

Yet both of you thought this was a good time to get pregnant.

HUH????????

Planning a wedding is stressful. Pregnancy is stressful.

Please expand on WHY this was a "good" time to start a family. Seriously.

P.S. - How old are both of you?

She is 27 and I am 26, No time is truly a perfect time to start a family.
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post #49 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 06:20 AM
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

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No, My one bike is a Ducati 959 Panigale and my other bike is a Yamaha R6 Just rather hard to give up something in which you love as I do riding I don't even own a car lol, She owns our only four-wheel vehicle and its a new truck. I don't want to move on from my fiancee at all I love her a lot just I don't know I guess I am just being dumb/stubborn. I don't know what I will do riding is a passion and a lot of fun. Rather die doing something I enjoyed but I guess I can't think like that anymore.
I was on my bike at 4am on my way to work. It had stormed that night and the storm laid a tree across the road. I came over the rise in the road and there it was. I remember hitting the brakes and the first impact with the ground. Then waking up in the middle of the road. It was a wake up call for me, I loved my kids more. I was not going to take a chance of not being there for them again.
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post #50 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 06:31 AM
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

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We wanted to start a family and thought now was as good as a time as any honestly.

She is also trying to change me per-say she wants me to sell my two Sportsbikes and stop riding and I guess this is probably where a lot of the not good parts of the relationship and fighting are coming from. I haven't ever had a wreck and I don't ride dumb and have been riding since I was 17 and am very responsible with it and all of a sudden since the wedding planning got underway and what have you she has been riding me to sell them and stop riding because she feels like I am gonna get seriously injured or something on them. I mean I don't understand why this is becoming an issue now when it wasn't before. And I have asked her about it but she can't give me a reason as to why.
She is having your baby, she is scared you might not be there for them. My wife was scared about just going through the pregnancy when we had our first, not that she told me until years later. She might not even realize why herself. She wants you to be with her for a long time. Do you really want to force her to admit she is scared of losing you in an accident?
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post #51 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 02:38 PM
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

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No time is truly a perfect time to start a family.
That is quite true. This is not a perfect world. But it sounds like you are feeling some resentment over her request to get rid of the bike. Isn't there some room for compromise? You are considering breaking off the engagement. Do you feel just living together might be a better idea?

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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post #52 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 06:41 PM
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

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Yeahhhhhh Sureeeeeeeeee. But in all seriousness never hit the max speed on the bike. And I just bought 2mill in life insurance not three months ago so I feel like my bases are covered there.
Who is the beneficiary?

Look, you don't have to marry your GF. What you DO have to do is take care of your unborn child and its mother. If you don't marry, get a lawyer to draw up an agreement where you agree to donate a part of your salary for the next 20 years for the care of your child. And you'll agree to donate a further part of your salary for the part financial support of the person who will be spending the prime of her life bringing up YOUR child.

You do that and get her (and HER lawyer) to agree you are then free to do what you please in riding bikes, having new and amazing adventures, and so on until you grow up.

By the way, if you do marry, do your GF a favor and negotiate the agreement above so that if you later want out of the marriage you'll have your pre-nup available.
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post #53 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 06:54 PM
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

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Originally Posted by Biz009 View Post
We wanted to start a family and thought now was as good as a time as any honestly.

She is also trying to change me per-say she wants me to sell my two Sportsbikes and stop riding and I guess this is probably where a lot of the not good parts of the relationship and fighting are coming from. I haven't ever had a wreck and I don't ride dumb and have been riding since I was 17 and am very responsible with it and all of a sudden since the wedding planning got underway and what have you she has been riding me to sell them and stop riding because she feels like I am gonna get seriously injured or something on them. I mean I don't understand why this is becoming an issue now when it wasn't before. And I have asked her about it but she can't give me a reason as to why.
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I don't see it as odd or anything I guess we are just different when I told her that I had gotten life insurance it didn't make her more secure it made her angry so I honestly don't understand it.
Because OP, you're completely clueless. It's not about the money to your fiance. You could have $10M in life insurance and it still wouldn't make her feel secure. She doesn't want to lose YOU. She loves you, you are the father of her child. She wants to grow old with you and for your child to grow up with you. It's got nothing to do with money.
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post #54 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 10:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

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Who is the beneficiary?

Look, you don't have to marry your GF. What you DO have to do is take care of your unborn child and its mother. If you don't marry, get a lawyer to draw up an agreement where you agree to donate a part of your salary for the next 20 years for the care of your child. And you'll agree to donate a further part of your salary for the part financial support of the person who will be spending the prime of her life bringing up YOUR child.

You do that and get her (and HER lawyer) to agree you are then free to do what you please in riding bikes, having new and amazing adventures, and so on until you grow up.

By the way, if you do marry, do your GF a favor and negotiate the agreement above so that if you later want out of the marriage you'll have your pre-nup available.
She is the beneficiary.
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post #55 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 10:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

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Because OP, you're completely clueless. It's not about the money to your fiance. You could have $10M in life insurance and it still wouldn't make her feel secure. She doesn't want to lose YOU. She loves you, you are the father of her child. She wants to grow old with you and for your child to grow up with you. It's got nothing to do with money.
Well that is awful nice..... I know she does but she wants to take away a hobby/passion of mine. I Suppose I will have to do it because it is the right things to do and for the best.

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post #56 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 10:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

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Originally Posted by Prodigal View Post
That is quite true. This is not a perfect world. But it sounds like you are feeling some resentment over her request to get rid of the bike. Isn't there some room for compromise? You are considering breaking off the engagement. Do you feel just living together might be a better idea?
What kind of compromise? Selling both bikes seems kind of cut and dry and I don't think she truly would give an inch but I could try and talk to her and get her to let up a bit on it.
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post #57 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 10:52 PM
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

Put the bikes in storage. Don't ride them for a few years. I think you should give it a try. It sounds like you really want to keep the bikes. I can understand her concerns.

Could you sell the bikes and somewhere down the road buy another or others?

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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post #58 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 11:44 PM
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

My husband rode motorcycles from the time he was physically able to ride. He wanted children. I told him he'd have to get rid of his motorcycle. He did. We had three children. When our youngest was about 13, my husband bought another motorcycle. He survived almost 20 years without a motorcycle. I know that sounds harsh to some people, but I needed my husband to raise our children with me. He did it because he wanted children. I understand that you love your hobby, but I also understand your fiancee's point of view. Life changes with children in the picture. We are now responsible for someone else and their life.

I think you and your fiancee should get some serious premarital counseling. Get these issues ironed out and go on to be happy together. This is serious. She needs you. Your baby needs you. She trusted you enough to have this baby with you, now prove her right.


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post #59 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 07:38 PM
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

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I don't see it as odd or anything I guess we are just different when I told her that I had gotten life insurance it didn't make her more secure it made her angry so I honestly don't understand it.
Because perhaps she figured it was your way of getting out of your responsibilities of being there for you, her and your child?

"Here! Here is some money! Now let me go kill myself on my one true love, my motorbike!"


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post #60 of 81 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 08:18 PM
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Re: Considering breaking off engagment and relationship with my fiancee

After over a decade together, something changed in your relationship.

I wonder what it could be?

Oh, yeah! One of you got pregnant...


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