I broke up with gf after 2 years. I basically got tired of tolerating her relationship with her ex husband. We both have kids with our previous spouses so we still have to have contact with our exes. I'm just curious if I'm as crazy as she makes me out to be or if there are real red flags here.
If she's making your concerns out to be crazy, she is invalidating the concerns. If she thinks you are out of line, she should tell you in a way that doesn't shame you or manipulate you.
I have made it known many times that she needs boundaries with him even though I trust her. She got better and their contact lessened but still pops up every month or 2.
That's still pretty frequent.
She makes me feel like I'm a jealousy insecure pos when I get upset about it. Her take is if I trust her then I should get over it.
Your significant other is supposed to have your back. You should feel better around her. Your communication with her should bring you comfort and peace. When you are with her, you should feel joy. Why on earth would it be a good idea to stay with someone when you feel like a jealous, insecure pos around her? She is obviously not bringing the best out in you. You are feeling bad about yourself when you are with her. She is not taking into account your valid concerns, but it turning it back on you and saying that if you trust her you should let her do whatever she wants without telling her your concerns. That is illogical.
Logically, if you trust her it is because she has earned your trust and she takes into account your concerns and feelings. If she disagrees with you she does it without malice and with love and care for you and the relationship. That is how a healthy relationship is support to work when both parties have the other's best interests at heart even when they disagree.
If you are looking for a wife, you ought to be looking for someone who values your opinions and if she disagrees with you she does so in a way that doesn't shame you. She honors you and is uplifting to be around. Someone who when you see her your face turns into a smile. If that is not how this relationship is working for you - it's not working for you.
I'm wondering why you are still communicating with her if you broke up. Just block her number and move forward with your life. It's over. The end. It doesn't matter what she thinks anymore as she is not a part of your life.