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post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 03:30 PM Thread Starter
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Wifes ex has been messaging her

I've been married to my wife for 19 years and we have a pretty good relationship. When we started dating, she was at the tail end of the relationship and ended up leaving the guy for me.

Well fast forward, the ex became friends with her on social media and my wife and him would occasionally talk . Occasionally he would test the waters and try to ask for a meet-up like lunch but she would turn him down.

Now, here is the problem , I know from my wife that he is well endowed. She said he was huge both "fat and long" (her words) and she hated having sex with because it was uncomfortable. I admit, it was a little hot when she would tell me about her experiences with him. I never was jealous because we have always had a good sex life.

Well he sent my wife a selfie of his junk and my wife commented that it looked bigger soft than I am hard. Hate to say it,
but it was big, looked about 6" soft.


I have talked to her about not talking to him a unfriending her ex, but she says there is nothing to worry about. I know I should be more assertive, but then she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.

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post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 03:59 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

OP, this may be difficult for you to understand but your wife is disrespecting you by maintaining this relationship with her ex. What may be even harder for you to comprehend is that this is primarily your fault. You have allowed this since the beginning of your relationship and you are facilitating it by being open to discussions about her ex's privates.

Those repeated negative sexual comparisons between you and her ex, that's her demeaning you. The first time she did it was a big **** test, and you failed big frigging time. Every time after that, she's probably lost a little more respect for you allowing yourself to be made to feel substandard to her ex. Seriously, how is this ok with you?

Would it be a far fetched to say that you're a nice guy and/or you have some cuckold fantasies?
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post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 04:04 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverRain View Post
I've been married to my wife for 19 years and we have a pretty good relationship. When we started dating, she was at the tail end of the relationship and ended up leaving the guy for me.

Well fast forward, the ex became friends with her on social media and my wife and him would occasionally talk . Occasionally he would test the waters and try to ask for a meet-up like lunch but she would turn him down.

Now, here is the problem , I know from my wife that he is well endowed. She said he was huge both "fat and long" (her words) and she hated having sex with because it was uncomfortable. I admit, it was a little hot when she would tell me about her experiences with him. I never was jealous because we have always had a good sex life.

Well he sent my wife a selfie of his junk and my wife commented that it looked bigger soft than I am hard. Hate to say it,
but it was big, looked about 6" soft.


I have talked to her about not talking to him a unfriending her ex, but she says there is nothing to worry about. I know I should be more assertive, but then she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.
I personally would be angry to me he is being disrespectful to you and your wife and she should be the one to tell him if that, regardless of the Size if a guy sent a **** pic to my partner I would be mad even if he was packing a little wiener, how would she feel if you X was sending pics to you? That's just my perspective though others may disagree.

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post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 04:08 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverRain View Post
I've been married to my wife for 19 years and we have a pretty good relationship. When we started dating, she was at the tail end of the relationship and ended up leaving the guy for me.

Well fast forward, the ex became friends with her on social media and my wife and him would occasionally talk . Occasionally he would test the waters and try to ask for a meet-up like lunch but she would turn him down.

Now, here is the problem , I know from my wife that he is well endowed. She said he was huge both "fat and long" (her words) and she hated having sex with because it was uncomfortable. I admit, it was a little hot when she would tell me about her experiences with him. I never was jealous because we have always had a good sex life.

Well he sent my wife a selfie of his junk and my wife commented that it looked bigger soft than I am hard. Hate to say it,
but it was big, looked about 6" soft.


I have talked to her about not talking to him a unfriending her ex, but she says there is nothing to worry about. I know I should be more assertive, but then she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.
You're wife isn't very bright or nice. Does she always do this kind of stuff?
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post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 04:17 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

Very disrespectful and this is something you should have put a stop to from the get-go. There is no reason whatsoever they should even be contacting eachother let alone him sending her pictures of his penis. Also, why are you guys talking about his penis or their sex life? That baffles me. This has nothing to do with jealousy, simply lack of respect she has for you.


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post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 04:21 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

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Originally Posted by SilverRain View Post
I have talked to her about not talking to him a unfriending her ex, but she says there is nothing to worry about. I know I should be more assertive, but then she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.
Telling her what to do is being controlling...but why do you care? She's getting penis pictures from another man! Time to lay down the law and tell her that it stops NOW!
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post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

I think that the OP is getting a lot of good advice. Yes, she is being incredibly disrespectful, unless she is trying to make him jealous to up the OP's attention to his wife.

No matter the reason the OP, should tell his wife that this kind of Anthony Wiener behavior on the part of her ex is totally inappropriate and she needs to unfriend him and tell him to never do that again, or she will inform you and you will contact the police and get a restraining order.

For God's sake man, she is your wife not some girl friend you are not real serious about. Marriage is about commitment to each other, not sexting other people you once slept with.
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post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 06:18 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverRain View Post
I've been married to my wife for 19 years and we have a pretty good relationship. When we started dating, she was at the tail end of the relationship and ended up leaving the guy for me.

Well fast forward, the ex became friends with her on social media and my wife and him would occasionally talk . Occasionally he would test the waters and try to ask for a meet-up like lunch but she would turn him down.

Now, here is the problem , I know from my wife that he is well endowed. She said he was huge both "fat and long" (her words) and she hated having sex with because it was uncomfortable. I admit, it was a little hot when she would tell me about her experiences with him. I never was jealous because we have always had a good sex life.

Well he sent my wife a selfie of his junk and my wife commented that it looked bigger soft than I am hard. Hate to say it,
but it was big, looked about 6" soft.


I have talked to her about not talking to him a unfriending her ex, but she says there is nothing to worry about. I know I should be more assertive, but then she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.

Hi @SilverRain

Thanks for your message.

You've received some very sound advice above as well as some very accurate information on what is going on here.

What is absolutely crucial here is that you set boundaries and standards for how you wish to be treated. As long as she knows that she can do this sort of thing without too many negative consequences, then she will continue to do so. For most guys, the comparisons of penis sizes can be seriously emasculating and it's important for her to realise the significance of saying such things.

I remember talking to my wife a couple of years ago and we were in discussions about her ex boyfriend and how she treated him. In her earlier days, whilst she was in a relationship with him, she would go out clubbing and sometimes flirt with other guys. It would never go further than this but because he never set any boundaries, she just carried on doing it. However when we began dating, I mentioned to her some of my core values and how I would stop dating anyone who would treat me in ways that were disrespectful. Not once, has she behaved in ways that made me feel inferior, nor have I to her. I didn't say it in a threatening way at all - just from a place of strength that reflected my own values and self-respect.

I can't stress the importance of boundaries here. In fact, she will respect you all the more if you can hold your strength and set your boundaries, rather than just being a pushover. No woman likes a man like that. Eventually respect diminishes and the relationship dies a slow death. I've seen it all too many times.

When communicating it, if it comes across as defensive and angry, she will resist it and call you controlling. If you communicate it in such a way that reflects your standards but shows that you love her, she will accept it.

I hope that makes sense.

Any questions, let me know.

Thanks
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post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 06:27 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

So, you were ''dating'' her while she was still married to him? Your post stated that she left him for you?

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post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 06:44 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverRain View Post
Well he sent my wife a selfie of his junk and my wife commented that it looked bigger soft than I am hard. Hate to say it, but it was big, looked about 6" soft.
Ask him to take another pic of his soft peen, this time next to a ruler, and send it to your wife. Then you'll know for sure whether or not it's bigger.


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post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 06:47 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverRain View Post
...he sent my wife a selfie of his junk and my wife commented that it looked bigger soft than I am hard.

I have talked to her about not talking to him a unfriending her ex, but she says there is nothing to worry about. I know I should be more assertive, but then she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.
I don't see this as a matter of "trust" or "control." It is simply downright inappropriate. Yeah, being more assertive is an understatement. Another man, YOUR wife's ex, sends her a pic of his penis and she's telling you that your not liking it is "controlling"? Are you serious????

WTF is going on in the world today? This is ANOTHER MAN. You want to send her photos of your junk, by all means, feel free. But this is waaaayyyyyy out of line. And what provoked/motivated him to send this photo? Do you have access to her FB account and all other social media? Cell phone? WHATEVER? Playing online slap-and-tickle can lead to this type of result.

Yeah, be assertive. To hell with her reaction. What is going on here is not what goes on in a healthy marriage.

JMO.

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post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 06:49 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

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Originally Posted by happy as a clam View Post
Ask him to take another pic of his soft peen, this time next to a ruler, and send it to your wife. Then you'll know for sure whether or not it's bigger.
This is a very good point.

Everything is a matter of perspective.

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post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 07:17 PM
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Re: Wifes ex has been messaging her

Would she be okay the other way around if you mention to her that an ex was contacting you and showing you her junk ...?

Last edited by Lostinthought61; 04-01-2017 at 05:18 PM.
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post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 08:26 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
Would it be a far fetched to say that you're a nice guy and/or you have some cuckold fantasies?
As far as being a cuck, no I do not want another man with my wife. But... hearing my wife tell me about her past is erotic to hear, such as a novel would be to read. It was ok when it was in the 'fantasy ' realm, but now after all these years, it turned to a reality and somewhat of a threat.
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post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 08:32 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the comments guys and gals, lots of good advice. I talked to my wife and she agreed to unfriend her ex. She didn't realize I felt jealous, lol.
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