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post #16 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 11:26 PM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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Originally Posted by SuperConfusedHusband View Post
I am confused, but not about this: dont slap morals on me, they are useless.
Just wait, you have behaved without them for a while now as per your posts. Give it some time and come back and tell me this when your life blows up. I am not saying I am clairvoyant but one of the purposes of morals is to keep you from blowing up your life, as you have already done.

Morals are really just rules for yours and others benefit they are not to take away your fun. They do prevent some immediate gratification though.

You cheated and you say sometimes cheating is the only option. Give it a year when your wife finds out what you have done, then we will see if you feel the same way.

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post #17 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 02:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

I'm saying I think that something has possible gone on with his daughter and him but Everton thinks I'm crazy and says that i must be on drugs and that he is Prince charming and bla bla bla . I see a narcissist with a drinking problem who everyone thinks is so flipping amazing . I try and tell myself that it must be all in my head. He supports me 100% and my children I'm either going to ruin everything because i can't let go of this feeling of possible incest or I'm going to drive myself crazy

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post #18 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 06:48 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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Deirdre, sometimes cheating is the only option. The problem is that its a temporary fix only.
As I see it, this lady need to work on herself more that the relationship. Her partner does not seem to be cooperative.
Cheating is about the cheater, and many cheaters blame their partners for why they cheated. It's never an only option.

''Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time.'' - Unknown
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post #19 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 07:25 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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I am not saying I am clairvoyant but one of the purposes of morals is to keep you from blowing up your life, as you have already done.
ok if you say so lol.
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post #20 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:08 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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I will call you Megan.



Ok so I see where you are coming from. You are going through this change and you want to be desired again by men. That is only natural!

I'm not going into details, I have an entire post going aboutme being the guy looking at beautiful ladies and enjoying their radiance. So I'm the one looking at you, and I know exactly how it feels when your man does not desire you anymore. It really sucks! Your self esteem sinks to -40 and you feel like dirt.



I'm helping a friend of mine, a lady who is 29, who had this problem: she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years and he treated her like dirt the last year. He filled her with insults about her body, destroyed her credit and took her job from her. She was a wreck. I picked her up (not in a sexual way...) a month ago and we are rebuilding her life, little by little...

When a woman doesn't feel appreciated, physically, emotionally and spiritually she wilder and dies. It's the men's job to fill her up with emotions and give her life.



This is where a lot of people will not agree with me: I know exactly why you are looking for other men. To feel alive again. I have see that many times. I myself used to do it, otherwise I would die inside.

I (used to) approach 4-10 women a day and flirt with them, trying to make them feel wanted. To me it seemed that almost all of them had some kind of void to fill in that department, and almost all liked flirting with me. There is nothing wrong with it.



In the short time, this works wonders. For the longer term...you have to decide if you wanna stay with the guy you are with now or not.



Hope this helps.


You are grooming a vulnerable woman to have sex with you. Does your wife know?
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post #21 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:53 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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Usually, but not always. I'm not convinced that when children are involved that cheating is necessarily worse than divorcing if it is only the couple's sex life that is broken.
Huh?

Going against the tide, Eh?

Defend this position to the best of your ability.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #22 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 10:07 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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Originally Posted by SuperConfusedHusband View Post
Deirdre, sometimes cheating is the only option. The problem is that its a temporary fix only.
As I see it, this lady need to work on herself more that the relationship. Her partner does not seem to be cooperative.
@SuperConfusedHusband, I read your [other] introductory post here at TAM.

In this post you are sympathetic to OP's thought of other men. You have stated that cheating is the only option for @megrbaby87

And for you too. You stated this in your original post.

Oh, I know. It is all good if nobody finds out. What you do not know cannot hurt you.

Sounds good until you wife does this to you.....and YOU find out that some other man got her naked and pumped her full of his stuff.

I reckon you will be highly pissed, highly hurt. If you are not.....then you are one cold potato.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #23 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 10:15 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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@SuperConfusedHusband, I read your [other] introductory post here at TAM.

In this post you are sympathetic to OP's thought of other men. You have stated that cheating is the only option for @megrbaby87

And for you too. You stated this in your original post.

Oh, I know. It is all good if nobody finds out. What you do not know cannot hurt you.

Sounds good until you wife does this to you.....and YOU find out that some other man got her naked and pumped her full of his stuff.

I reckon you will be highly pissed, highly hurt. If you are not.....then you are one cold potato.
Please notice the word "sometimes" in my response to this post.
Did I say it was the best option? Did I say it was the OP only option? I just said SOMETIMES it is the only option.
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post #24 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 10:17 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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You are grooming a vulnerable woman to have sex with you. Does your wife know?
Yes, she knows all of it and approves/helps.
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post #25 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 11:07 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

I read your latest post, megrbaby87, and while it very well may be your imagination, your gut is screaming to you for a reason. If you've seen pretty solid proof or an indication of inappropriate behavior of your husband toward his daughter, then there's a good reason your gut is screaming to you. And if you are aware of inappropriate goings on, I'd be sure to be removing your daughter from his presence REAL quick and the child you had with him as well. Lots of sexual predators can be described as 'charming' and 'great guys.' It doesn't negate the fact that they're shill molesters.

About the LAST thing I'd be worrying about is finding some guy who thinks I'm 'sexy.'

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post #26 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 12:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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I read your latest post, megrbaby87, and while it very well may be your imagination, your gut is screaming to you for a reason. If you've seen pretty solid proof or an indication of inappropriate behavior of your husband toward his daughter, then there's a good reason your gut is screaming to you. And if you are aware of inappropriate goings on, I'd be sure to be removing your daughter from his presence REAL quick and the child you had with him as well. Lots of sexual predators can be described as 'charming' and 'great guys.' It doesn't negate the fact that they're shill molesters.

About the LAST thing I'd be worrying about is finding some guy who thinks I'm 'sexy.'
What scares me is I'm over sensitive to sexual behavior maybe . But there ha've been things that have sent off red flags . When we first got together it really bother me that when she would get in trouble he would to in her room and lecture/discipline her and shut the door and be in there alone for sometimes 20 mins I didn't like that and I told him that it's not appropriate to or normal in my opinion to be in a young girls room with the door shut . Little things like that. When we first started dating she would do things like crap her pants put it in a bag and make a big annoncment and bring them to him in front of me and say here dad I had a accident can you throw these away ....i was like wtf 11 years old can carp her pants, put them in a bag and can't figure to put them in the trash herself

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post #27 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 02:03 PM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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ok if you say so lol.
Keep laughing buddy. While you can.
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post #28 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 12:34 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Imagine a married couple "A" and "B" who get along very well together, but where their sex life has always been limited from the point of view of A. Maybe they shouldn't have, but they have a kid. After that the already mediocre sex life declines to almost nothing. B just isn't interested, doesn't really like sex and doesn't undersatnd why anyone else likes it. B had always assumed that their sex life would taper off. Used to provide oral and other things but now says that they had always done it because they felt that they had to but that they intensely dislike it.

Other than sex, they are a great couple, and are both very attached to their kid. They both have exciting high paying jobs. They have bought a really nice house together. The really enjoy each other's and their kid's company.

But A is getting ever more frustrated and unhappy as they realize that rather than improving the way that they had hoped, their sex life is declining to almost nothing. There is nothing A can do to get B more interested, B just doesn't want sex. A is looking at a life of celibacy and they resent B for doing this to them.

A meets D at work. D (of the other gender) is in a similar situation, stuck in a mostly great but sexless marriage.

Who is really harmed if A and D have an affair that they keep very quiet? Would it really be better for A to divorce, causing trauma to the kid, and ending what is otherwise a very happy relationship?



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Huh?

Going against the tide, Eh?

Defend this position to the best of your ability.
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post #29 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:09 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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Imagine a married couple "A" and "B" who get along very well together, but where their sex life has always been limited from the point of view of A. Maybe they shouldn't have, but they have a kid. After that the already mediocre sex life declines to almost nothing. B just isn't interested, doesn't really like sex and doesn't undersatnd why anyone else likes it. B had always assumed that their sex life would taper off. Used to provide oral and other things but now says that they had always done it because they felt that they had to but that they intensely dislike it.

Other than sex, they are a great couple, and are both very attached to their kid. They both have exciting high paying jobs. They have bought a really nice house together. The really enjoy each other's and their kid's company.

But A is getting ever more frustrated and unhappy as they realize that rather than improving the way that they had hoped, their sex life is declining to almost nothing. There is nothing A can do to get B more interested, B just doesn't want sex. A is looking at a life of celibacy and they resent B for doing this to them.

A meets D at work. D (of the other gender) is in a similar situation, stuck in a mostly great but sexless marriage.

Who is really harmed if A and D have an affair that they keep very quiet? Would it really be better for A to divorce, causing trauma to the kid, and ending what is otherwise a very happy relationship?
If A and D feel no guilt and if both BS's never find out.......and if neither A nor D want to dump their spouse for their affair partner, and if they continue to treat their BS's [otherwise] well, this would work out good for all.

That is a lot of if's and major cheating.

If they get caught..........my God, the consequences! And the pain and torment this will wreak on TWO EXTENDED families, spouses, children, in-laws, friends.

It is much easier to divorce, then eff around.

On divorce: Honor and morals would remain only mildly tarnished. The "Til death do us part" vow thing......it will be trashed. And if down the line you marry your co-worker, tongues will rattle, rumors will fly.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #30 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 05:01 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Look I don't want to cheat. I love him with all my heart even if what he has done what I think he has done I will love him but be so broken and forced to move on because I cannot allow someone to lie over and over and make me feel crazy. If he were to come clean I think things would be ok and we could seek help but I don't think it's write for me to have to feel this way. I'm young beautiful a great person and a amazing mom.

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