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post #31 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 09:29 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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This is my first time posting about myself.
I'm very new to this place and only found it because I was snooping through my fiance's phone and saw that he had installed a new app and StumbleUpon this place.

Maybe I'm posting in hopes he'll read this and stops me before I make the same choice that he's done, OR at least that I feel he's done to me.
I know that there's been lies I've confronted him numerous times, more so lately and it makes me realize that there was probably always lies and maybe I just didn't pay attention enough.

I get why they call it dirty thirties. I've never wanted to be more of a dirty **** now then I ever, believe me I was one before we got together too.

My fiance and I have been together somewhere around five years he has his own child who was around 10 when we got together. Mine was around 3 and now we have a child together.
His child has given me tremendous difficulties between her and her mother the lies and b******* It has just become too much lately, at least with my daughter the father isn't in the picture so he's and the only one to raise her so it's on him and I with her behavior. He has no idea what it feels like to have to deal with the other parent or the way that the child Acts because of the other parent, absolutely no idea.
I'm at my Breaking Point Something's Gotta Give and I'm scared it's going to be me.
I've never cheated on him but right now I want to feel something and he could care less. It seems now that his daughter has moved out of her home he blames me. I couldn't do it anymore the torment that I went through because she and her mother are both very vindictive and would create stories to mess with my head.
I don't want to feel like s*** anymore.
I want to feel beautiful sexy and he doesn't make me feel that way.
lately I've been getting a lot more attention from other men, mostly just looks and stares. It because I've been taking better care of myself and dressing nicer and putting on makeup hoping my fiancia would give me more attention but he hasn't which is strange considering he's horny all the time and in the past always wanted to have sex and if we weren't having sex he was jacking off in the shower. Or at least he claims he was jacking off in the shower.

These other men well I like the way it feels I like it because I know what they want to do to me. When he stares at me now he stares at me with anger , resentment disgust . I see it he doesn't think that I do though but I see it. I haven't done it yet but I'm so close it's only a matter of time if things keep going the way they are that I'm going to let that side out I'll probably regret it but he's doing nothing to stop me or save us
There's so much more but I just had to get out this part hopefully me talking about it will help and I won't pursue these feelings

What happens when the two of you talk about this?

If you haven't talked about it, do so. Tell him what's been going on and the way you feel.

Why stay with him if you want to be with others?


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post #32 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 09:45 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Fathers are alone with their daughters at times. This doesn't mean things are going on. When my daughter would get in trouble I talked with her in private just like my two boys, no need to do it in front of others. When they were younger it was because I said so, as they grew older, I would start explaining why. This would take awhile at times depending on the questions they would ask.

As the thing about her problem with going to the bathroom, she needs professional help. That is not right, not a cry for attention but what ever.
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post #33 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 11:02 AM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

True, but divorce guarantees a lot of suffering and disruption. Remember that in this scenario "B" thinks that they are a perfect spouse. They will be blindsided and devastated that A is divorcing them just because of sex. They will accuse A of being a [insert derogotory term or a man or woman who has a excessive amount of sex]. They will tell their child that A "abandoned" them.

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If A and D feel no guilt and if both BS's never find out.......and if neither A nor D want to dump their spouse for their affair partner, and if they continue to treat their BS's [otherwise] well, this would work out good for all.

That is a lot of if's and major cheating.

If they get caught..........my God, the consequences! And the pain and torment this will wreak on TWO EXTENDED families, spouses, children, in-laws, friends.

It is much easier to divorce, then eff around.

On divorce: Honor and morals would remain only mildly tarnished. The "Til death do us part" vow thing......it will be trashed. And if down the line you marry your co-worker, tongues will rattle, rumors will fly.
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post #34 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 12:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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Fathers are alone with their daughters at times. This doesn't mean things are going on. When my daughter would get in trouble I talked with her in private just like my two boys, no need to do it in front of others. When they were younger it was because I said so, as they grew older, I would start explaining why. This would take awhile at times depending on the questions they would ask.

As the thing about her problem with going to the bathroom, she needs professional help. That is not right, not a cry for attention but what ever.
That makes sense and is understandable. I had a very different ubringing and my relationship with my dad was deffentaly nothing like there's. There is one thing I just am having the hardest time understanding and that's is about two night before his daughter moved out (15 years old now) I heard him ask her if she had tried something on yet. She told him no and then he said before you go upstairs go in the bathroom and try it on. Minutes later she walks out (I'm ease dropping at the top of the stairs at this point because we had just gotten into a fight because I found a pair of women's underware in my pantie draw about 2 hours before all this) he then said to her when she walks out "dose it fit" now I don't know what he was talking about but what I do know is that when I searched her bedroom draws I found a brand new pair of ones that when I confronted her she claims she has never seen them and doesn't know where they came from. Let me rewind. The day before I heard all this between them her father and I were out shopping for sexy bras and panties for myself and we didn't purchase anything for her and he claims he didn't but anything for her while I was trying stuff on either. The thing is the panties I found were brand new and the same brand of what I bought and the style he likes to see me in. When I s
Told him I heard him tell her to go into the bathroom and try something on I asked him what was he asking her to try on. He dosent remember, he vaguely remembers telling her or asking her if something fit. He said it wasn't anything sexual it must have been something we bought I then told him we didn't but anything for her. Wtf how do u not remember two nights ago and what you told her to try on ......something isn't right or am I crazy?

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post #35 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 12:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Oh and I tapped our conversation about it when he admits to asking her to do this and saved the underware I found so that people didnt think I was crazy because I don't know myself what to really think

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post #36 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:02 PM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

My first husband had 3 kids from his first marriage that he had custody of.

When my mom heard this, she said "RUN." I ignored her because she's always been negative about everything, and she didn't even know him.
When visiting a friend, while she was at work, I had lunch with her outspoken father who I'd never met before and when I mentioned my fiance with the three kids he bluntly asked, what are you going to do when he doesn't need a babysitter anymore?
Prior to getting married I called a therapist for the oldest (vindictive, mean, difficult, etc.) child and when they heard I was going to marry a man with 3 kids they said "You're going to need a lot of therapy."

People tried to warn me, but I laughed it off -- they didn't even know him.

I know you each have a kid, but a 10 year old girl with a *****y mom? And a fiance who can't "see" the distress they are causing you? Good luck sister, you're going to need it. You're looking at at lest 8 years of being ****ed with by two conspiring women and having a husband go from indifferent/oblivious to your pain, to angry at YOU for being bothered by the treatment and disrupting his peaceful life. Trust me on this, it only gets worse after you're married and he feels he no longer has to try to appease you and he really just wants you to STFU about what those two are up to.

For me, the absolute worst part, wasn't the difficult child or her psycho mom, it was being married to a man who made it clear that he did NOT have my back and why didn't I just ignore them.

I had a psychologist tell me that step daughters are hard for women because little girls love their daddy, whereas little boys love their mommy. You are her natural enemy because you are competing with her for Daddy's attention. And you are her mother's natural enemy because you have her ex. And they will probably never tire of sticking you with pins that your fiance will refuse to notice.

Add that to his lies?

Take the advice I ignored: RUN.
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post #37 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:07 PM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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Deirdre, sometimes cheating is the only option. The problem is that its a temporary fix only.
As I see it, this lady need to work on herself more that the relationship. Her partner does not seem to be cooperative.
Ridiculous. Cheating is NEVER the ONLY option. There is always the option of going without until you fix the situation or get out of it.
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post #38 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:15 PM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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I'm saying I think that something has possible gone on with his daughter and him but Everton thinks I'm crazy and says that i must be on drugs and that he is Prince charming and bla bla bla . I see a narcissist with a drinking problem who everyone thinks is so flipping amazing . I try and tell myself that it must be all in my head. He supports me 100% and my children I'm either going to ruin everything because i can't let go of this feeling of possible incest or I'm going to drive myself crazy

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Whoa.

Well, first, incest DOES happen. And everyone is always surprised when they find out and wonder why the mother didn't know/do anything. And it's often an otherwise upstanding pillar of society.

However, keep in mind there is an oedipal thing going on. The daughter is in direct competition with you for daddy's attention and she may act out in some very provocative ways just to mess with you. I remember my "problem child" that I mentioned in my last post saying once "You're lucky, 'cause you get to sleep with daddy." She did all kinds of things to one up me for his attention and they often seemed like her acting sexy. Creepy. Of course her father didn't see it.

If you haven't already, can you describe some interactions that alarmed you? (I haven't read the whole thread yet.)

BTW, there doesn't have to be incest for there to be inappropriate behaviors/interactions. A father usually does not want to see his daughter in that light and will be blind to things she does that you may pick up on.

You don't want to be paranoid, but sometimes when your gut is screaming something at you, there is a reason.
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post #39 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:22 PM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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What scares me is I'm over sensitive to sexual behavior maybe . But there ha've been things that have sent off red flags . When we first got together it really bother me that when she would get in trouble he would to in her room and lecture/discipline her and shut the door and be in there alone for sometimes 20 mins I didn't like that and I told him that it's not appropriate to or normal in my opinion to be in a young girls room with the door shut . Little things like that. When we first started dating she would do things like crap her pants put it in a bag and make a big annoncment and bring them to him in front of me and say here dad I had a accident can you throw these away ....i was like wtf 11 years old can carp her pants, put them in a bag and can't figure to put them in the trash herself

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I wouldn't think much of lecturing her for 20 minutes with the door shut. Though if something about it gives you pause, I'd listen intently at the door.

The crap in a bag at 11? I don't know about incest, but I think it's a sign of some serious trauma. That child definitely needs a psychologist. Handing it to her dad? That blows my mind. I'd be beyond humiliated to crap my pants, I sure wouldn't be handing it to anyone. Maybe it's some subconscious cry for help, trying to get her dad's attention that she is NOT OK.
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post #40 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:25 PM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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I asked him what was he asking her to try on. He dosent remember, he vaguely remembers telling her or asking her if something fit.
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He is lying.

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post #41 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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My first husband had 3 kids from his first marriage that he had custody of.

When my mom heard this, she said "RUN." I ignored her because she's always been negative about everything, and she didn't even know him.
When visiting a friend, while she was at work, I had lunch with her outspoken father who I'd never met before and when I mentioned my fiance with the three kids he bluntly asked, what are you going to do when he doesn't need a babysitter anymore?
Prior to getting married I called a therapist for the oldest (vindictive, mean, difficult, etc.) child and when they heard I was going to marry a man with 3 kids they said "You're going to need a lot of therapy."

People tried to warn me, but I laughed it off -- they didn't even know him.

I know you each have a kid, but a 10 year old girl with a *****y mom? And a fiance who can't "see" the distress they are causing you? Good luck sister, you're going to need it. You're looking at at lest 8 years of being ****ed with by two conspiring women and having a husband go from indifferent/oblivious to your pain, to angry at YOU for being bothered by the treatment and disrupting his peaceful life. Trust me on this, it only gets worse after you're married and he feels he no longer has to try to appease you and he really just wants you to STFU about what those two are up to.

For me, the absolute worst part, wasn't the difficult child or her psycho mom, it was being married to a man who made it clear that he did NOT have my back and why didn't I just ignore them.

I had a psychologist tell me that step daughters are hard for women because little girls love their daddy, whereas little boys love their mommy. You are her natural enemy because you are competing with her for Daddy's attention. And you are her mother's natural enemy because you have her ex. And they will probably never tire of sticking you with pins that your fiance will refuse to notice.

Add that to his lies?

Take the advice I ignored: RUN.
Yeah she was 10 she's 15 now and that's is what I have been dealing with. She has basically over the years made me think her dad is a horrible man and she hates him then sends him little secret love notes after I get mad and have her back. We arnt married but we do have a 19 month old girl together and my 7 year old only knows him as dad. I was so relived when she moved out a couple weeks ago but I think this is just another game they are up to considering everything is still in her room and when I packed up some of her belongings and dropped them off at the mom's immediately I got a phone call from my fiance all pissed off because they were hysterical about me dropping s*** off over there

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post #42 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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He is lying.
Right!!! I know that nobody forgets what they told someone to try on but remembered having the conversation. Her mother grew up have a incest relationship and there is also similar circumstances on his side as well so for them both fiancia and his ex wife have been exposed to a upbringing where it may of been normal, ok or not spoken about. which for me I was brought up that family isn't suppose to do things with other family members. Everyone has that one or two cousins that end up being stupid and we joke about kissing cousins but that's as far as being anywhere near acceptable with what I've grown up. I was raised with the understanding of right from wrong and told that behavior is wrong and that's why people are punished and put in jail for it it's not okay but I get how other people still think that it's okay because that's how they were raised but it's not ok I'm my opinion or beliefs. When we first got together she would try and snuggle him by laying her leg and pelvic area over him as a couple would do. They way I layed with him. I said something immediately and express that I didn't feel it was appropriate to be laying that way. I had looked at pictures and his phone from before we were together and there was pictures of the two of them and she was posing on a tree it would have been normal and all but there was a couple things that I felt were all with the picture one being the look on her face as if she was scared and they were success of pictures too her clothes were kind of hanging off of her shoulder as she was Posey three the fact that they were on a hike and she was wearing a skirt and it was just the two of them I found it just kind of an eerie. Another thing that used to bother me as I would catch her fondling herself from outside of her clothing while we are all on the bed together watching TV hanging out in my room. About the shutting the door and disciplining I would sit there and listen from the other room and he just kept telling her how he said her teach her a lesson and she needs to learn her lesson but there was never any lesson she ever learned it was always just her acting out to get him to go in her room and give her the attention that she wanted I should have open the door when I was having weird thoughts but instead we were new and our relationship and within a month of me feeling that I didn't like the way that he would go in there and the things that I would hear questionable I told them that they were no longer allowed to discipline in her room and that they needed to come downstairs in my room and I could step out of the room if they need but there was no reason for him to discipline her and her bedroom with the door shut

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post #43 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 02:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Yes I have talked to him, fought with him, cried to him suggested counseling, he says hello and then he never follows through. I stay with him because I love him and we have a child together and I want to grow old with him but I'm not sure if it's healthy or not I know everyone has problems and granted we have even more personal problems but I haven't even gotten into that have caused massive stress. My child who just turned 7 who he's been raising since she was around 3 has been suffering from medical problems that we don't have all the answers to. They just diagnosed her with Tourette syndrome and she scheduled for an MRI soon she has stomach problems and the list goes on. I love him more than I loveed anybody my entire life and he is the only one I desire but he is so hot and cold lately and I'm sexual do to either my age or maybe the stress so this attention and looks that I'm getting and the current problems were having it's confusing and clouding me and making me have thoughts that break my heart to even think. It tears my soul to think of either of use with other people. I felt he was soul mate but lately things are different

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post #44 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 03:36 PM
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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Right!!! I know that nobody forgets what they told someone to try on but remembered having the conversation. Her mother grew up have a incest relationship and there is also similar circumstances on his side as well so for them both fiancia and his ex wife have been exposed to a upbringing where it may of been normal, ok or not spoken about. which for me I was brought up that family isn't suppose to do things with other family members.

Everyone has that one or two cousins that end up being stupid and we joke about kissing cousins but that's as far as being anywhere near acceptable with what I've grown up. I was raised with the understanding of right from wrong and told that behavior is wrong and that's why people are punished and put in jail for it it's not okay but I get how other people still think that it's okay because that's how they were raised but it's not ok I'm my opinion or beliefs.

When we first got together she would try and snuggle him by laying her leg and pelvic area over him as a couple would do. They way I layed with him. I said something immediately and express that I didn't feel it was appropriate to be laying that way. I had looked at pictures and his phone from before we were together and there was pictures of the two of them and she was posing on a tree it would have been normal and all but there was a couple things that I felt were all with the picture one being the look on her face as if she was scared and they were success of pictures too her clothes were kind of hanging off of her shoulder as she was Posey three the fact that they were on a hike and she was wearing a skirt and it was just the two of them I found it just kind of an eerie. Another thing that used to bother me as I would catch her fondling herself from outside of her clothing while we are all on the bed together watching TV hanging out in my room. About the shutting the door and disciplining I would sit there and listen from the other room and he just kept telling her how he said her teach her a lesson and she needs to learn her lesson but there was never any lesson she ever learned it was always just her acting out to get him to go in her room and give her the attention that she wanted I should have open the door when I was having weird thoughts but instead we were new and our relationship and within a month of me feeling that I didn't like the way that he would go in there and the things that I would hear questionable I told them that they were no longer allowed to discipline in her room and that they needed to come downstairs in my room and I could step out of the room if they need but there was no reason for him to discipline her and her bedroom with the door shut

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Well there are some major red flags there. I made the stuff that really alarmed me red.

Snuggling him like that? WTF???? If you didn't say anything, what did he do? Just let her? When you said something, did he realize that was inappropriate or did he think you were getting agitated over nothing?

Fondling herself on the bed with you guys in the room? Was she aware of what she was doing? That's another WTF.

There may or may not be something incestuous going on, but there is definitely a major lack of boundaries and they both seem to like the wrong kind of attention from each other.

BTW, I understand incest has happened historically and there does seem to be a cultural component to it. But I also think there is a NATURAL human revulsion to the idea. Most people do not have to be taught not to have sex with their children/siblings.
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post #45 of 65 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 03:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

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Well there are some major red flags there. I made the stuff that really alarmed me red.

Snuggling him like that? WTF???? If you didn't say anything, what did he do? Just let her? When you said something, did he realize that was inappropriate or did he think you were getting agitated over nothing?

Fondling herself on the bed with you guys in the room? Was she aware of what she was doing? That's another WTF.

There may or may not be something incestuous going on, but there is definitely a major lack of boundaries and they both seem to like the wrong kind of attention from each other.

BTW, I understand incest has happened historically and there does seem to be a cultural component to it. But I also think there is a NATURAL human revulsion to the idea. Most people do not have to be taught not to have sex with their children/siblings.
He acts like he didn't even notice or relize she was doing it. I caught her around Christmas rubbing her leg on him while my back was to her little did she know I was watching her in a morrow and every time I turned my head to look back at her she stopped. She did it over and over untill I called her out on it and asked her what the **** she was doing and why was she only doing it when my back was to her.

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