Confused and feeling Temptations - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 43Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 03:53 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 25
Confused and feeling Temptations

This is my first time posting about myself.
I'm very new to this place and only found it because I was snooping through my fiance's phone and saw that he had installed a new app and StumbleUpon this place.

Maybe I'm posting in hopes he'll read this and stops me before I make the same choice that he's done, OR at least that I feel he's done to me.
I know that there's been lies I've confronted him numerous times, more so lately and it makes me realize that there was probably always lies and maybe I just didn't pay attention enough.

I get why they call it dirty thirties. I've never wanted to be more of a dirty **** now then I ever, believe me I was one before we got together too.

My fiance and I have been together somewhere around five years he has his own child who was around 10 when we got together. Mine was around 3 and now we have a child together.
His child has given me tremendous difficulties between her and her mother the lies and b******* It has just become too much lately, at least with my daughter the father isn't in the picture so he's and the only one to raise her so it's on him and I with her behavior. He has no idea what it feels like to have to deal with the other parent or the way that the child Acts because of the other parent, absolutely no idea.
I'm at my Breaking Point Something's Gotta Give and I'm scared it's going to be me.
I've never cheated on him but right now I want to feel something and he could care less. It seems now that his daughter has moved out of her home he blames me. I couldn't do it anymore the torment that I went through because she and her mother are both very vindictive and would create stories to mess with my head.
I don't want to feel like s*** anymore.
I want to feel beautiful sexy and he doesn't make me feel that way.
lately I've been getting a lot more attention from other men, mostly just looks and stares. It because I've been taking better care of myself and dressing nicer and putting on makeup hoping my fiancia would give me more attention but he hasn't which is strange considering he's horny all the time and in the past always wanted to have sex and if we weren't having sex he was jacking off in the shower. Or at least he claims he was jacking off in the shower.

These other men well I like the way it feels I like it because I know what they want to do to me. When he stares at me now he stares at me with anger , resentment disgust . I see it he doesn't think that I do though but I see it. I haven't done it yet but I'm so close it's only a matter of time if things keep going the way they are that I'm going to let that side out I'll probably regret it but he's doing nothing to stop me or save us
There's so much more but I just had to get out this part hopefully me talking about it will help and I won't pursue these feelings


Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk

megrbaby87 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 04:28 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 9,044
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

When your marriage sucks you have basically four choices
1) do nothing
2) get a divorce
3) cheat
4) work on it

And it really is a choice. People always make it sound like something forced them to cheat, or they just kind of accidentally cheated, or some other such load of crap.

Right now you can CHOOSE what you are going to do. Make the decision and then DO it. Quit waiting for things to change somehow so that you can blame what you end up doing on someone or something else.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Hope1964 is offline  
post #3 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 04:33 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 25
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Thanks that makes sense

Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk
megrbaby87 is offline  
 
post #4 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 04:40 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 9,044
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

So - which one did you choose?

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Hope1964 is offline  
post #5 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 05:02 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,178
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Cheating is never the best option, and shouldn't be an option at all, no matter how bad the relationship is. You're not married yet, break things off if you are this unhappy or try to work on the relationship. But, staying in an unhappy relationship, or thinking that cheating will somehow help you, aren't the answers. Sorry you're hurting, but you will hurt even worse if you cheat.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

I'm newly married
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
*Deidre* is offline  
post #6 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 07:26 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,918
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Usually, but not always. I'm not convinced that when children are involved that cheating is necessarily worse than divorcing if it is only the couple's sex life that is broken.


Quote:
Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Cheating is never the best option, and shouldn't be an option at all, no matter how bad the relationship is. You're not married yet, break things off if you are this unhappy or try to work on the relationship. But, staying in an unhappy relationship, or thinking that cheating will somehow help you, aren't the answers. Sorry you're hurting, but you will hurt even worse if you cheat.
uhtred is online now  
post #7 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 08:20 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,178
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Usually, but not always. I'm not convinced that when children are involved that cheating is necessarily worse than divorcing if it is only the couple's sex life that is broken.
Cheaters betray the whole family, not just their spouses. Ultimately, they'd have to be living a lie.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

I'm newly married
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
*Deidre* is offline  
post #8 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 08:43 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,309
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

It all comes down to what type of person you want to be. Do you want to live with honor or do you want to live with shame (and that would be the best outcome if you cheat).

No one is saying you have to take abuse, no one is saying you have to stay if you can't work it out. No one is saying that you have to give up having fun sex ever again. But you must end one relationship before going to another. There are so many people on these threads and out there who don't have honor. Look at where we are as a world. Look at were we are with parents and children. Look at how unhappy so many people are. By doing this thing which is wrong you will be contributing to this culture and perpetuating it.

If I were you you have invested all this time in this man, I would tell him exactly how you feel (not the cheating) but that you need to feel wanted and see where the chips fall.

Honor is so important. It is why so many people have such low self-esteem. They look to shallow things to make them feel good about themselves things they have no control over. Learning to get you worth from honor gives you great confidence if you choose to do the honorable thing.

I dare you to do the hard and right thing in this situation. Then no matter what the outcome I bet you you will look back on this situation on yourself and even the relationship and it will be positive, it will give you hope and strength, even if it doesn't work out. Try it. I dare you.
sokillme is online now  
post #9 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 09:19 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Beween here and there.
Posts: 156
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Cheating is never the best option, and shouldn't be an option at all, no matter how bad the relationship is. You're not married yet, break things off if you are this unhappy or try to work on the relationship. But, staying in an unhappy relationship, or thinking that cheating will somehow help you, aren't the answers. Sorry you're hurting, but you will hurt even worse if you cheat.
Deirdre, sometimes cheating is the only option. The problem is that its a temporary fix only.
As I see it, this lady need to work on herself more that the relationship. Her partner does not seem to be cooperative.
SuperConfusedHusband is offline  
post #10 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 09:32 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Beween here and there.
Posts: 156
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Quote:
Originally Posted by megrbaby87 View Post
This is my first time posting about myself.
I'm very new to this place and only found it because I was snooping through my fiance's phone and saw that he had installed a new app and StumbleUpon this place.

Maybe I'm posting in hopes he'll read this and stops me before I make the same choice that he's done, OR at least that I feel he's done to me.
I know that there's been lies I've confronted him numerous times, more so lately and it makes me realize that there was probably always lies and maybe I just didn't pay attention enough.

I get why they call it dirty thirties. I've never wanted to be more of a dirty **** now then I ever, believe me I was one before we got together too.

My fiance and I have been together somewhere around five years he has his own child who was around 10 when we got together. Mine was around 3 and now we have a child together.
His child has given me tremendous difficulties between her and her mother the lies and b******* It has just become too much lately, at least with my daughter the father isn't in the picture so he's and the only one to raise her so it's on him and I with her behavior. He has no idea what it feels like to have to deal with the other parent or the way that the child Acts because of the other parent, absolutely no idea.
I'm at my Breaking Point Something's Gotta Give and I'm scared it's going to be me.
I've never cheated on him but right now I want to feel something and he could care less. It seems now that his daughter has moved out of her home he blames me. I couldn't do it anymore the torment that I went through because she and her mother are both very vindictive and would create stories to mess with my head.
I don't want to feel like s*** anymore.
I want to feel beautiful sexy and he doesn't make me feel that way.
lately I've been getting a lot more attention from other men, mostly just looks and stares. It because I've been taking better care of myself and dressing nicer and putting on makeup hoping my fiancia would give me more attention but he hasn't which is strange considering he's horny all the time and in the past always wanted to have sex and if we weren't having sex he was jacking off in the shower. Or at least he claims he was jacking off in the shower.

These other men well I like the way it feels I like it because I know what they want to do to me. When he stares at me now he stares at me with anger , resentment disgust . I see it he doesn't think that I do though but I see it. I haven't done it yet but I'm so close it's only a matter of time if things keep going the way they are that I'm going to let that side out I'll probably regret it but he's doing nothing to stop me or save us
There's so much more but I just had to get out this part hopefully me talking about it will help and I won't pursue these feelings


Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk
I will call you Megan.

Ok so I see where you are coming from. You are going through this change and you want to be desired again by men. That is only natural!
I'm not going into details, I have an entire post going aboutme being the guy looking at beautiful ladies and enjoying their radiance. So I'm the one looking at you, and I know exactly how it feels when your man does not desire you anymore. It really sucks! Your self esteem sinks to -40 and you feel like dirt.

I'm helping a friend of mine, a lady who is 29, who had this problem: she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years and he treated her like dirt the last year. He filled her with insults about her body, destroyed her credit and took her job from her. She was a wreck. I picked her up (not in a sexual way...) a month ago and we are rebuilding her life, little by little...
When a woman doesn't feel appreciated, physically, emotionally and spiritually she wilder and dies. It's the men's job to fill her up with emotions and give her life.

This is where a lot of people will not agree with me: I know exactly why you are looking for other men. To feel alive again. I have see that many times. I myself used to do it, otherwise I would die inside.
I (used to) approach 4-10 women a day and flirt with them, trying to make them feel wanted. To me it seemed that almost all of them had some kind of void to fill in that department, and almost all liked flirting with me. There is nothing wrong with it.

In the short time, this works wonders. For the longer term...you have to decide if you wanna stay with the guy you are with now or not.

Hope this helps.

SuperConfusedHusband is offline  
post #11 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 09:38 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 4,309
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperConfusedHusband View Post
Deirdre, sometimes cheating is the only option.
If you are immoral. You sound confused.
sokillme is online now  
post #12 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 10:14 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 25
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope1964 View Post
When your marriage sucks you have basically four choices
1) do nothing
2) get a divorce
3) cheat
4) work on it

And it really is a choice. People always make it sound like something forced them to cheat, or they just kind of accidentally cheated, or some other such load of crap.

Right now you can CHOOSE what you are going to do. Make the decision and then DO it. Quit waiting for things to change somehow so that you can blame what you end up doing on someone or something else.
So far ive tried to work on it but right now I'm currently doing nothing. I would rather not be together if it means I gotta cheat.
I'm a lot of the problem to lately I didn't mention that part. When I first started this topic. You see I've been really mean for a couple of months and it's its because I'm confused and have suspicions that something terrible has been going on that is not normal or excepted by people. They all think I'm crazy but their relationship just isn't what I'm use to maybe. Or maybe it is what I keep accusing the two of them having. Maybe I am the real blame on why she moved out

Sent from my SM-J700T1 using Tapatalk
megrbaby87 is offline  
post #13 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 10:39 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Beween here and there.
Posts: 156
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
If you are immoral. You sound confused.
I am confused, but not about this: dont slap morals on me, they are useless.
SuperConfusedHusband is offline  
post #14 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 10:58 PM
Member
 
Vinnydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 689
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Try as we might, we cannot overcome genetics. We are made to get erotic feelings for other people. Society, not nature thought up monogamy. My marriage is called an ethical non monogamous marriage. Read this article to see what I mean. After being cheated on by my fiancee who I dated for five years and seeing others I knew cheat, I figured that a monogamous marriage had lousy odds. Would you buy a car that worked only 50% of the time? No but you will enter into a lifetime legal contract to only have sex with one person for the rest of your life. For me that does not make sense and most objections are due to what we are taught to dislike and to do. Sex can be just sex. Sex with someone other than your spouse can lift your spirits and make you feel good about yourself. That in turn makes you happier with your spouse. If you think of it as cheating then it is hidden and you dare not act differently at home.

Hard to explain so read this article. My wife and I quickly learned that monogamy was not for us. She agrees with me that had we insisted on monogamy we would have divorced a long time ago. Instead we have had a wonderful marriage for over 44 years. Never a problem, not even jealousy. I was happy for my wife when she had sex with a friend of ours and all the girlfriends she had. She was happy for me too and we often played with women as a couple in a threesome. We did not hide anything and sex was just sex, not making love when with others.

You do not have to fully open your marriage. We were monogamous sometimes and open other times. We did not go looking for sex partners but rather when we felt a strong attraction to someone, we could act on it as long as it was the exception and not the rule. In fact, between us we only had 9 outside sex partners in 44 years. One was with us for 30 years since we both loved her and the rest were mostly one night stands or shared with my wife. Not exactly what a fully open marriage would be. It is not for everyone but as my signature line says, so many will cling to their existing morality even though it does not work for them, rather than think outside of the box.
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-2064...er-people.html

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
Vinnydee is offline  
post #15 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 11:01 PM
Member
 
Bibi1031's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: texas
Posts: 1,807
Re: Confused and feeling Temptations

Are you hinting at incest?

You really need to leave this relationship if your truly suspect this is happening. You may confront, but you do need proof though.

If things are this bad with this man that you are seeing things that are not normal, then that should make you want to leave him and never look back.

Don't start anything without ending this relationship first. Once you are free, you can pursue feeling validated by other men. You will be free to do so.

I sense you want to cheat to wake him up. That won't work. It will just complicate your issues further.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Bibi1031 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
husband seems to have fallen out of love with me. feeling confused and alone. linwheeler The Ladies' Lounge 42 12-20-2016 06:46 PM
confused, lonely, feeling worthless... LoneRanger83 General Relationship Discussion 8 07-13-2016 05:20 PM
Confused...hurt...angry birdlady100 General Relationship Discussion 4 02-10-2016 03:47 AM
Hurt and confused, need help melanie221 General Relationship Discussion 6 02-04-2016 01:04 AM
I cheated. Feeling confused. nwlywed Considering Divorce or Separation 27 12-13-2015 05:51 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome