Re: Telling People To Quit Their Jobs
This is not complicated. The needing to get away physically from an affair partner is about how much you (and your spouse) value your marriage. I know this to be true without ever reading Dr. Harley's or anyone else's advice.
Your wife cheats with someone. Has feelings for him. Wants to fvck him if she could. Imagines all kind of things with him. He encourages it. He assures her that you are a POS and that he would never treat her like that. Tells her what he would do to her in bed. And all this before he actually does it. She is on heat and in a fog. Then she gets discovered. She has to break this off. Now one of two scenarios take place …
She breaks it off cold turkey. Quits her job and goes through all the hardship you describe. She does this because ….. she loves you once again and wants to make things right OR she is scared of losing the marriage. Whatever the reason her judgement is not clouded. So she has to be pretty damn sure before she does this. Ain't that a better place for the two of you to proceed from ?
The other scenario. She stays at her job but assures you she has no contact but sees him every day. Her judgement is clouded by him reminding her again and again that she made the wrong decision to break it off and that it is possible to get her dopamine fix without you ever knowing. And you are constantly wondering if she is staying true to her word. It begins to weigh you down and is tough for you. You go through all this because ….. you love her once again OR you are scared of losing the marriage. Your judgement is very clouded. Terrible place to proceed from.
So if the hassle of leaving a job and going through hardship outweighs the importance of your marriage and more importantly, peace of mind, then I agree - forget Harley's advice. Don't have her leave her job. Else leaving her job and going through whatever you said, is the least of your problems going forward.
And yes if she is truly remorseful, she will instinctively know that she needs to be away from him without you "forcing" (give me a break) her.
This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause